Dating new guy, but leaving for a month (how to, Chinese, family)

[thinkertinker]

I started seeing someone very recently and it's going extremely well. Probably one of the best starts I have had in a long time, but it's also only been 4 weeks. We are starting to spend more time together and I have also started spending some nights at his place.

With that being said there is something that has me a little nervous. In 5 weeks, I will be leaving to go visit my family for a month half way across the country. I planned and bought these tickets before I had ever met him.

Part of me is nervous such a large gap might make things fizzle. I haven't told him yet that I will be leaving for a month, but I plan on doing it soon, this weekend most likely is when I will tell him. The city where I am going to, is a city (my hometown) he's never been to and has always wanted to visit. I was thinking maybe of suggesting that he comes to visit one weekend while I am there for a few days, I could show him around. Perhaps we could split a hotel stay, that way we won't go so much time without seeing each other, and also in my view it demonstrates that I want to keep things going, and I am not just leaving and forgetting about him.

I also want to clarify to him that it would be more to see him, not so much to meet family or friends, and that I am not planning on introducing them to them, unless he wants to. However, I get scared of this topic because the last guy I dated we dated for two months, and my mom came into town and I wanted him to meet her and it scared him away and ended things. So now I have a little fear around the topic of when to introduce family/friends lol. But honestly the trip is now to suggest that, but to spend some time with him.

I think I am just looking for advice how to best approach this situation overall. Anyone have similar experiences? Thoughts?

We still have 5 weeks until I leave, so who knows it could all fall apart by then, but things are really solid at the moment I must say.

[gwynedd1]

Are you looking to savor the flavor longer or advance the relationship? Sure, not making a relationship convenient might mean he goes to Chinese take out instead of pizza. However it does not show a burning desire for pizza.



If you have more long term goals, 4 weeks is more than enough to test something where there is investment. He'll stay if he is into you. However if you think you are barely hanging on then, well.....

[thinkertinker]

Originally Posted by gwynedd1

Are you looking to savor the flavor longer or advance the relationship? Sure, not making a relationship convenient might mean he goes to Chinese take out instead of pizza. However it does not show a burning desire for pizza.



If you have more long term goals, 4 weeks is more than enough to test something where there is investment. He'll stay if he is into you. However if you think you are barely hanging on then, well.....

Advance the relationship would be ideal, but I am not ready to have that conversation quite yet, I feel like maybe just a couple more weeks of seeing each other. Not that I am scare of commitment but rather I am not quite there at this moment now, but I am starting to feel the pressure of having the DTR moment.

And I don't think I am barely hanging on, I think it's solid at the moment. I think the previous guy I dated, he got scared after two months of me wanting to introduce him to my mother, so I suppose I am little cautious this time around of pushing things too soon.

[zentropa]

You need to calm down.

[thinkertinker]

Originally Posted by zentropa

You need to calm down.

Who said I am not calm? Just curious how other view the situation.

[zentropa]

Originally Posted by thinkertinker

Who said I am not calm? Just curious how other view the situation.

Because you described yourself in the OP as "nervous" (2 times), "scared" (2 times) and "fearful" (once).

This is often the tenor of your posts when you get involved with someone new.

[TashaPosh]

Originally Posted by zentropa

You need to calm down.

Ita that the O.P. is overthinking it…if it doesn’t last because of seeing her family, it isn’t as solid as she thinks. It’s better to know sooner than later. They have only known each other 4 wks tho…so just be honest & communicate. AND have fun on your trip O.P.




edit:

Originally Posted by thinkertinker

I think I am just looking for advice how to best approach this situation overall. Anyone have similar experiences? Thoughts?

We still have 5 weeks until I leave, so who knows it could all fall apart by then, but things are really solid at the moment I must say.

Just tell him what you said here…open & honest communication that you will miss him & that you planned the trip to see your family before you knew him. You can still communicate while you’re gone ofc AND it will make your return that much sweeter if he misses you too. If he doesn’t….you know to move on.

[oh-eve]

I have had the same situation. We texted and emailed. He sent me little cute videos and voice messages. It brought us closer together, believe it or not. I did not invite him since I flew to Germany and the flight was 11 hours long.

If he is really interested in you, he will not leave you. I would tell him asap about the trip.

[gus2]

Originally Posted by zentropa

You need to calm down.

I kinda agree. I understand wanting to plan ahead, but it has been only 4 weeks, and you are more than 4 weeks out from your trip. But you're talking about splitting hotel rooms, meeting and/or NOT meeting the family, etc.?

I don't know how old you are, but maybe just let this ride a bit longer. If someone is going to fizzle out because you're out of town for a while, that person isn't the one for you anyway no matter what you do.

[kitty61]

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.