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Some comments are true regarding me. I got involved with someone 20 years older at different stages of life. In hindsight I should have walked away when he first started showing signs of being anti my children who are not awfully behaved by the way. However it’s one thing to not want to interact with tweens but another to insist she gets sent 8 hours away to her father who has had minimal involvement in her upbringing
This is the aspect that many posters are overlooking. To me this is a callous disregard for your feelings and the emotional impact to a 12 year old child.
I am a 43 year old female. I was dating a guy nearly 20 years older. We dated for a year and loved each other but it turned out he didn’t like my children. At first he visited me at my house but then said I must come to his house, it’s bigger and more comfortable. His 3 children are grown up. My son is 19 and daughter just turned 12. Anyway, my ex was telling me to make my son move out - he’s old enough to live alone. He didn’t want my daughter coming with me when I visited him and was trying to get me to send her to live with her father for a while. I broke it off with him. I told him he shouldn’t have pursued a relationship with me if he wasn’t going to accept my kids. He blamed me saying I’ve parented wrong and my kids are not nice! I wish he had shown his true colours regarding my children from the beginning. I believe if you date someone, you accept and include their children. They are priority. A friend of mine told me I must realise my children will leave home and have their own lives, so I should think about my needs and wants. I think I made the right decision ending the relationship though because nobody should try get between a mother and her children.
Your guy sounded like a bunghole. That is reason enough to end it.
I am a 43 year old female. I was dating a guy nearly 20 years older. We dated for a year and loved each other but it turned out he didn’t like my children. At first he visited me at my house but then said I must come to his house, it’s bigger and more comfortable. His 3 children are grown up. My son is 19 and daughter just turned 12. Anyway, my ex was telling me to make my son move out - he’s old enough to live alone. He didn’t want my daughter coming with me when I visited him and was trying to get me to send her to live with her father for a while. I broke it off with him. I told him he shouldn’t have pursued a relationship with me if he wasn’t going to accept my kids. He blamed me saying I’ve parented wrong and my kids are not nice! I wish he had shown his true colours regarding my children from the beginning. I believe if you date someone, you accept and include their children. They are priority. A friend of mine told me I must realise my children will leave home and have their own lives, so I should think about my needs and wants. I think I made the right decision ending the relationship though because nobody should try get between a mother and her children.
Good for you.
There would have been zero future in the relationship. He would have resented your children and your children would have resented you for hooking up with this self-centered man.
Yet there are some who would sacrifice their relationship with their kids in order to be with someone. But if that someone actually loved you, he wouldn't demand you give up the other things you love.
When I ended it, he told me I’ll live in regrets allowing my brat to ruin the relationship!
Of course a self-centered person is going to blame you. By initiating the break-up, you've wounded his ego so he is trying to retaliate by hurting you. He is also working on your psyche -- that you "live in regret." What a gaslighter.
Don't fall for it. Your response should be, "I wish you the best in finding my replacement."
My daughter still has 6 years of high school. She will need me. He wanted her gone so I could move in with him. Obviously not going to do that.
You did the right thing sending him packing. A disappointment, obviously, when you'd hoped for a better relationship, but disappointment is part of life and of dating. Someone who would even dare to demand you get rid of your own daughter of that age is not a person of good character.
Find a man of better character or just be a single person of good character yourself. That's the best gift you can give your child. She will see what you do.
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