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I think it speaks to character. Imo a woman who judges that is not for you, and that's ok. Why pretend that woman is such a catch? The important thing is having values and sticking to that. Be good to the ones who were there for you all their life. You won’t regret it when you are older and grandma is not there anymore.
There is no woman. The OP is speculating based on no apparent evidence.
I feel like a loser. I have lived on my own before but got tired of renting so my grandma let me live with her so I can save money on a downpayment on a house. I'm not a freeloader I pay her 500 dollars a month for bills, and I help her out since she has Arthirtis in her hands. I know this is a temporary situation but i still feel like a complete loser. It would be one thing if I was 25 but I'm in my mid 30s no kids never been married and dont date becaose what woman would want to date a 35 year old man living with his grandmother. Be honest should I feel this way?
If you can find a chick that wants to be best friends with you and grandma, that's one worth keeping.
The situation does seem pathetic but I am not sure I could leave the situation in good conscious.
Well, what's pathetic about it? He's looking for ways to save money (which, if you hadn't realized--or maybe you're one of those filthy wealthy people who wouldn't have any reason to realize it--it's becoming *extremely* difficult to do that anymore). The situation he finds himself in is that a relative has a place to share with him *and* could use help in her old age. He's not sponging off her (providing her with a good amount of repayment for her own kindness--monetary help as well as non-monetary) and he's also not planning to live there long term, just so he can get on his feet and have some financial security under his belt (something not many people out there have).
So I'd like to know what you find apparently pathetic about the situation? It strikes me as not seeing the situation clearly (I'd put it in stronger terms, but I'm afraid that would come across as insulting and I don't mean it that way; I'm just genuinely interested in having you provide an explanation for what you see as seemingly "pathetic"; that is in my opinion a rather strong negative term. I understand if you would say "less than ideal": of course! Who doesn't want their own place? But pathetic? That implies something negative or contemptuous in the character of the individual which I don't feel you have a rational argument there; not one that is based on common sense in the light of the current state of society).
You guys have been great. Made me feel alot better. Going to do what I need to do and continue to help my grandma in the process
OP, in a lot of immigrant cultures in the US, your situation is perfectly normal. Heck, 3-generation households are normal in those communities; single adult kids live at home until they're married, and grandma helps out in the kitchen. Nobody's made to feel superfluous; everyone has a role in the family household. And the local housing market isn't overburdened due to a family needing 3 housing units instead of one.
I was actually living with my parents when I was close to that age, and I dated a woman.
Like... living with my parents, no job.
But I was going to be in school soon, and the woman I dated had kids and had a low wage job. But she was also studying to be a nurse, which ... she is now.
Before that period, there was a time when I had a job and was living in the city, and I remember saying something to the effect of how much it sucked if I lived with my parents.
Life knocked me down between that time.
And since then, more unfortunate events have knocked me down even further.
I mean, I don't care if I work at Trader Joes and live with my parents at age 50. And I don't care who cares either. If that's how it turns out, that's how it turns out. As a matter of fact, I can see how life could be better in that situation.
Life is a status competition on all fronts. You can play, or you don't.
I feel like a loser. I have lived on my own before but got tired of renting so my grandma let me live with her so I can save money on a downpayment on a house. I'm not a freeloader I pay her 500 dollars a month for bills, and I help her out since she has Arthirtis in her hands. I know this is a temporary situation but i still feel like a complete loser. It would be one thing if I was 25 but I'm in my mid 30s no kids never been married and dont date becaose what woman would want to date a 35 year old man living with his grandmother. Be honest should I feel this way?
OP, in a lot of immigrant cultures in the US, your situation is perfectly normal. Heck, 3-generation households are normal in those communities; single adult kids live at home until they're married, and grandma helps out in the kitchen. Nobody's made to feel superfluous; everyone has a role in the family household. And the local housing market isn't overburdened due to a family needing 3 housing units instead of one.
I know 'white American' people in that situation too.
Honestly, that 'could' solve a lot of problems in our society, both in terms of poverty and people being overworked.
But then again, if people had generations living together, they'd probably just buy other properties and jack up the rent so they could make passive income.
I know 'white American' people in that situation too.
Honestly, that 'could' solve a lot of problems in our society, both in terms of poverty and people being overworked.
But then again, if people had generations living together, they'd probably just buy other properties and jack up the rent so they could make passive income.
Still, it would solve problems.
The thing is, there are too many adults in non-immigrant families (immigrants are White people too: Greeks, Slavs, Italians, etc.), that don't get along with their parents. Maybe the whole ethos of everyone working together to make it in the new country gets lost after two or three generations, IDK, but there seem to be a higher percentage of families that are dysfunctional or don't get along for whatever reason, in families that have been established for generations, and are part of the mainstream. IDK what your observations have been.
But these days, with the high cost of rents and RE in some markets, the multi-generational family of adults sharing a home may be coming back. Though this is regarded negatively, as a "failure to launch", rather than as a normal function of family.
I feel like a loser. I have lived on my own before but got tired of renting so my grandma let me live with her so I can save money on a downpayment on a house. I'm not a freeloader I pay her 500 dollars a month for bills, and I help her out since she has Arthirtis in her hands. I know this is a temporary situation but i still feel like a complete loser. It would be one thing if I was 25 but I'm in my mid 30s no kids never been married and dont date becaose what woman would want to date a 35 year old man living with his grandmother. Be honest should I feel this way?
No. You should not.
Everyone needs a partner in life. And every sort of partnership works.
Stand tall and get a date. It'll be good for you. Make no apologies at all to anyone about YOUR lifestyle. choice.
The thing is, there are too many adults in non-immigrant families (immigrants are White people too: Greeks, Slavs, Italians, etc.), that don't get along with their parents. Maybe the whole ethos of everyone working together to make it in the new country gets lost after two or three generations, IDK, but there seem to be a higher percentage of families that are dysfunctional or don't get along for whatever reason, in families that have been established for generations, and are part of the mainstream. IDK what your observations have been.
But these days, with the high cost of rents and RE in some markets, the multi-generational family of adults sharing a home may be coming back. Though this is regarded negatively, as a "failure to launch", rather than as a normal function of family.
I understand immigrants can be white.
I meant anything beyond 2nd generation.
I know 1st generation immigrants who come here, and set up a life, and then a parent comes over to live with them.
That can be typical. So you're marrying somebody ... and you get the mother in law as a housemate. Forever. And you probably can't even communicate.
Not everybody wants that situation, some people will take it.
It's also completely different what a person will put up with before they enter into a relationship and after they do.
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