Dating a man who may not be straight (wife, lesbian, married)
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thanks, always like your side jabs. Yeah, sorry, I don't like men who act or look like girls.
She says she doesn't want a man who is bi. Then she should not look for men who act obviously bi. Simple.
Well, she found *something(s)* attractive about him, otherwise this thread would not exist.
Again, the issue is with him.
PS: not all fem males are LGBTQ - there are some who are straight. The guy the OP is speaking of most likely isn't but that doesn't mean ALL are LGBTQ.
Ummm... she doesn't need to 'fix' anything - if she is attracted to more fem males then that is her prerogative. Not all women like buff jocks and/or obese bikers.
The only 'problem' I see here is HIS not being forthcoming and honest with HER - she is not doing anything wrong, whereas he is. And it has nothing to do with who they are attracted to at all.
She absolutely needs to "fix" something if she's straight and wants to date straight men yet seems to continually pair with gay men.
Yeah that's really important, people need to understand this...
There are lots of big, hairy, muscular, and very very masculine men who are gay.
(Bears, guys. Bears.)
And there are lots of feminine men who are straight.
To go even further, most of the trans women (born/assigned male, ended up female) that I have ever known, identify as lesbians and exclusively date either other trans women or cis women. EDIT - and bisexuality among men is a real, actual thing. And bisexuals are capable of monogamy. Nobody has sex with every human being that they find attractive!
The idea that a couple must have a masculine and a feminine partner in it, is incorrect. It doesn't always work that way. And gender identity, gender expression, and sexual orientation are completely separate things. I know that folks tend to lump them together in discussions where everything that does not look like masc straight guy + femme straight gal is some kind of "gay stuff"...but seriously, no, even if they all are going to the same rainbow Pride fest, alright. The things function distinctly from one another.
Plenty of gay dudes like sports, and plenty of straight ones don't.
It is often pretty amazing to me how much discomfort mainstream people seem willing to endure, to avoid communicating. Because frankly I feel like a lot of it boils down to "I demand the ease and comfort of people openly signifying everything that they are about so that I can safely make all the assumptions I want and proceed accordingly." Why? God, why... Spending so much time guessing and speculating among strangers rather than just having a conversation with the one person who actually has the answers. I tell ya. It's really something.
Yeah that's really important, people need to understand this...
There are lots of big, hairy, muscular, and very very masculine men who are gay.
(Bears, guys. Bears.)
And there are lots of feminine men who are straight.
To go even further, most of the trans women (born/assigned male, ended up female) that I have ever known, identify as lesbians and exclusively date either other trans women or cis women. EDIT - and bisexuality among men is a real, actual thing. And bisexuals are capable of monogamy. Nobody has sex with every human being that they find attractive!
The idea that a couple must have a masculine and a feminine partner in it, is incorrect. It doesn't always work that way. And gender identity, gender expression, and sexual orientation are completely separate things. I know that folks tend to lump them together in discussions where everything that does not look like masc straight guy + femme straight gal is some kind of "gay stuff"...but seriously, no, even if they all are going to the same rainbow Pride fest, alright. The things function distinctly from one another.
Plenty of gay dudes like sports, and plenty of straight ones don't.
It is often pretty amazing to me how much discomfort mainstream people seem willing to endure, to avoid communicating. Because frankly I feel like a lot of it boils down to "I demand the ease and comfort of people openly signifying everything that they are about so that I can safely make all the assumptions I want and proceed accordingly." Why? God, why... Spending so much time guessing and speculating among strangers rather than just having a conversation with the one person who actually has the answers. I tell ya. It's really something.
Boyfriend #2 has a fixation with gay males so much so that he follows them on social media and likes photos of them barely clothed.
I don't know or care what "gyne" is, she stated she wants a straight male and she hasn't found one yet.
Right!
So to me a really good question is why she isn't having guys she dates open up and be honest with her about something like that.
She hasn't said that the men she was with before were feminine. At least I didn't pick up on that. And again, not all gay men are. So to me it's a bigger question of how she keeps ending up with men who keep secrets from her, or who are in some kind of deep denial.
Because a gay (or bi) man who feels no need to be in the closet would not be doing something like this. I wonder if she is dating in a very conservative culture or a religious group.
Again... not *all* feminine men are 'gay'. There are fems who are 100% straight as an arrow.
And she has yet to actually DISCUSS this with him - he may be 'gyne' - which I alluded to earlier, which does not make him 'gay'.
Sigh... now I know why I didn't choose 'teaching' as a vocation... lol
Well, she keeps having the same issue more than once. WHICH MOST PEOPLE DON'T.
And there is a high chance that feminine men are gay or bi or something else. So if she keep picking those kind of guys, she should not be surprised they turn out to be bi/gy/whatever.
So SHE needs to fix her men picker if she doesn't want to run into the same issues over and over.
One guy I only dated briefly and never slept with, later on he came out as gay. Another guy pursued me for a year, and though I liked him as a friend, I didn't feel that way about him. Years later he came out as gay!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Florida2014
Boyfriend #1 was gay, confirmed by OP.
Boyfriend #2 has a fixation with gay males so much so that he follows them on social media and likes photos of them barely clothed.
I don't know or care what "gyne" is, she stated she wants a straight male and she hasn't found one yet.
Actually, it is her 3rd guy.
#1 dated briefly, was gay
#2 pursued her and turned out to be gay
#3 is her current guy
It is often pretty amazing to me how much discomfort mainstream people seem willing to endure, to avoid communicating. Because frankly I feel like a lot of it boils down to "I demand the ease and comfort of people openly signifying everything that they are about so that I can safely make all the assumptions I want and proceed accordingly." Why? God, why... Spending so much time guessing and speculating among strangers rather than just having a conversation with the one person who actually has the answers. I tell ya. It's really something.
The problem though is that when it comes to sexuality that are often topics that seem to involve asking for too much information too quickly in the dating process. When I am getting ready to ask someone out, I can't ask for their entire dating history, because I don't know them well enough for that question to be appropriate yet, nor would I have any confidence that their answer would be honest.
Euskalherria has been posting in the relationship thread for a while. While he has mentioned in the past that he is femboy, I wasn't exactly what that meant to him, but I also wasn't sure if I was to ask him what that meant, that he wouldn't perceive that as an attack either. So instead, I waited for a thread like this one to occur for him to further explain what femboy meant to him. But in a dating context, there are a lot of questions like this, you are interested in the answer to a question, but you are concerned that if you were to ask it directly, you might come across as attacking the person, you are trying to get to know. Moreover sexual minorities are often pretty fear aggressive, they have been hurt enough in the past where they lash out to ward off any potential attacks.
I understand what drives the fear aggression in this situation, but I still would want to be dealing with the receiving end of it either. If you are woman who own sexuality allows her to be attracted to males who are both masculine and more feminine but you are concerned that if you did ask that this person might lash out at you, to me that is a really strong argument for just screening out the more feminine males.
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