Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I was just wondering about this - it was prompted by someone on FB asking what married people would advise someone thinking of getting married do to improve their chances of success and I said talk to each other about values and goals.
With everything that's going on these days, I doubt you can just assume your spouse is going to hold the same views you do - maybe they have different ideas than you about:
If you're already married and things like that (and I'll ignore the fact that all of the examples are 3rd rail political-ish topics these days) haven't been discussed already, one might wonder what y'all did talk about before marriage.
As abstract topics, I don’t know a couple HAS to agree. There are certain things my husband and I don’t see eye to eye on, and these are topics we just “agree to disagree” and don’t discuss.
I was just wondering about this - it was prompted by someone on FB asking what married people would advise someone thinking of getting married do to improve their chances of success and I said talk to each other about values and goals.
With everything that's going on these days, I doubt you can just assume your spouse is going to hold the same views you do - maybe they have different ideas than you about:
I don't think you can just assume that because you were "attracted" to someone and ended up marrying them that you're going to agree on all issues.
I am just curious as to how this is playing out these days.
It's actually very easy to deal with these things. Political views, agree to disagree and when it involves the household, compromise.
My partner and I don't agree about abortion. He respects my opinion and I respect his. It's not something either one of us will have to deal with.
I'm also a gun owner when I met him he was terrified of guns. We compromised. I bought a cabinet stored the guns in the locked cabinet. I further showed him how I handle them how seriously I take gun safety, practiced not just peached Paramount importance and I asked him if he ever sees me neglecting a safety rule he has every right to point it out and I'll say nothing but thank you.
Communication is important as is compromise. You can't do one without the other.
If you're already married and things like that (and I'll ignore the fact that all of the examples are 3rd rail political-ish topics these days) haven't been discussed already, one might wonder what y'all did talk about before marriage.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Okey Dokie
As abstract topics, I don’t know a couple HAS to agree. There are certain things my husband and I don’t see eye to eye on, and these are topics we just “agree to disagree” and don’t discuss.
^^^
These.
Most of the topics mentioned in the OP came up, one way or another, even during my relatively brief relationship (18 months), as did others along those veins, such as climate change and universal health care. He and I agreed to a large extent, and our disagreements would have had no impact on our relationship if we had stayed together.
Sometimes we didn't discuss the topic in depth, but our views became evident from reactions to news stories or journal articles.
My first concern would be whether or not my spouse's beliefs put me in any kind of danger and that would include my daughter. After that, it becomes a quality of life issue. Is he making different decisions as a result of his opinions? Is he capable of switching between informal and formal behavior as a result of how others react?
I was just wondering about this - it was prompted by someone on FB asking what married people would advise someone thinking of getting married do to improve their chances of success and I said talk to each other about values and goals.
With everything that's going on these days, I doubt you can just assume your spouse is going to hold the same views you do - maybe they have different ideas than you about:
I don't think you can just assume that because you were "attracted" to someone and ended up marrying them that you're going to agree on all issues.
I am just curious as to how this is playing out these days.
People can have the same values and goals and still not be a good match and over the years views change as circumstances change. I’m not saying it isn’t good to explore views but it’s how we navigate those differences and conversations that is key.
Strong marriages are based on mutual respect and compromise , learning how to use diplomacy and humour as couples navigate new challenges . But before you get to the point you’re even serious I’d be hard pressed to believe someone isn’t able to suss out their partners views on current issues they deem important. As someone else pointed out ,if a persons actions aren’t matching their words ,it’s a red flag.
I never discussed several of these issues with my husband 46 years ago because some were not relevant at the time. I can tell you that any man who had a strong and vocal opinion about what I should do with my body sent me fleeing in the opposite direction, be it abortion, even if personally I could never have had an abortion, or what I wore or hairstyles, etc. Over the years as these issues have become prevalent we’ve discussed and while we may not fully agree on solutions or issues we have learned to respect the importance of how enriching it is to have our views questioned and challenged. It makes for an emotionally robust relationship.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
