Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I’ve been in love before and sex with someone I loved or could at least imagine spending my life with was great. It’s like I could give myself entirely to the person. However, the times where I just had sex with someone I knew I wouldn’t want anything with after sex left me feeling a huge amount of regret…sometimes even before it was over. It’s like I just wanted to wash myself clean and felt guilty for even insinuating that there could possibly be more than sex. When it was over I just wanted to go home as soon as possible and not even think about having sex for a while.
Do any other people feel that way? I hear of guys all the time who can just say whatever and hook up with some random woman they barely know and have a pleasurable experience with no regrets. For me it’s like I need love to go along with sex…that feeling of looking into someone’s eyes knowing that the physical act is part of something much bigger than body parts going together.
Is the terrible feeling a feeling of guilt for "using" a person for sex, or is it a bad feeling on your end that comes from that fact that you prefer love over just casual sex? If the other person has real feelings for YOU, then of course you should feel "bad" and "guilt". If it's an NSA FWB thing, you should stop and go forward in your life because that is not working for you anymore. I had a FWB thing once and it was absolutely nothing but sex, no phone calls, no going anywhere, no nothing. It started to make me feel very bad about myself, unworthy to a certain extent. I called him and broke the sex thing off. He asked if he had hurt my feelings in any way, and I explained NO, it was just a personal revelation. Something I felt I needed to do for myself. Never saw him again and never got into a FWB thing again.
It really doesn't matter what everyone else is doing or how they feel in their own sex lives. Your feelings and your personal sex life are your own. If you want to be in love or emotionally attached before sex, then move accordingly. A lot of people run in to trouble when they conduct their lives in a way that others think they should instead of just living for themselves.
It really doesn't matter what everyone else is doing or how they feel in their own sex lives. Your feelings and your personal sex life are your own. If you want to be in love or emotionally attached before sex, then move accordingly. A lot of people run in to trouble when they conduct their lives in a way that others think they should instead of just living for themselves.
This is a very good point.
I may believe that this is more normal than many think it is... But ultimately it doesn't matter much whether something is "normal" or not, if it's true for you then it's true for you. We've all got to find our way to what works best for us.
I think there is a huge difference between having sex with someone you're not in love with, but have an affinity or affection for (like FWB) and having sex with a stranger you loathe to the point you never want to see or talk to them again (the OP's example.)
GoAmerica, you know this about yourself, act on it, or don't act as the case may be.
Be true to yourself. No one is forcing you to have sex with people you don't love.
It might mean less sex since most of us don't fall in love very often. But in your case it would be worth waiting for as you don't enjoy sex without love anyway.
Your feelings are legitimate you have every right to them.
Not sure I understand the reason for your post though. Are you feeling pressured to have sex when you don't want to?
Like you said, real love doesn’t come around that often. But I still have urges to have sex — sometimes it feels like they overwhelm me and hijack my brain. Perhaps it’s a desire to feel intimacy again like when I was in love. If I act on it though, I may get some very brief pleasure but even during the act I will start having thoughts of how unsatisfying it is without the intimacy love brings. Sex is a passionate thing for me and I just can’t feel passion for someone I’m not in the process of falling in love with. I want the mind, body and spirit connection.
I’ve been in love before and sex with someone I loved or could at least imagine spending my life with was great. It’s like I could give myself entirely to the person. However, the times where I just had sex with someone I knew I wouldn’t want anything with after sex left me feeling a huge amount of regret…sometimes even before it was over. It’s like I just wanted to wash myself clean and felt guilty for even insinuating that there could possibly be more than sex. When it was over I just wanted to go home as soon as possible and not even think about having sex for a while.
Do any other people feel that way? I hear of guys all the time who can just say whatever and hook up with some random woman they barely know and have a pleasurable experience with no regrets. For me it’s like I need love to go along with sex…that feeling of looking into someone’s eyes knowing that the physical act is part of something much bigger than body parts going together.
Unless you're a sociopath, FWB is ultimately an empty experience. It's basically masturbating with another person's body. In my salad days, I had a couple of encounters like that and just wound up not feeling good about myself or the entire thing.
Unless you're a sociopath, FWB is ultimately an empty experience. It's basically masturbating with another person's body. In my salad days, I had a couple of encounters like that and just wound up not feeling good about myself or the entire thing.
I agree with you. Years ago I was with a woman in that capacity. After 4 or 5 times of chatting and having sex I just lost the will to contact her anymore…I know I still could but it makes me feel hollow knowing we would ultimately just have sex and that’s it for who knows how long.
Like you said, real love doesn’t come around that often. But I still have urges to have sex — sometimes it feels like they overwhelm me and hijack my brain. Perhaps it’s a desire to feel intimacy again like when I was in love. If I act on it though, I may get some very brief pleasure but even during the act I will start having thoughts of how unsatisfying it is without the intimacy love brings. Sex is a passionate thing for me and I just can’t feel passion for someone I’m not in the process of falling in love with. I want the mind, body and spirit connection.
That's what most people want, many are willing to wait for it. Casual sex doesn't compare and most people find it unfulfilling.
Your question though was are your feelings normal. I'd guess at least half the male population feels similar to you in wanting to be in love with the person they're having sex with.
Whether they have a negative reaction in the middle of the act and want to leave immediately I don't really know. Probably most men wouldn't have such a strong reaction but that doesn't mean your feelings aren't normal.
I’ve been in love before and sex with someone I loved or could at least imagine spending my life with was great. It’s like I could give myself entirely to the person. However, the times where I just had sex with someone I knew I wouldn’t want anything with after sex left me feeling a huge amount of regret…sometimes even before it was over. It’s like I just wanted to wash myself clean and felt guilty for even insinuating that there could possibly be more than sex. When it was over I just wanted to go home as soon as possible and not even think about having sex for a while.
Do any other people feel that way? I hear of guys all the time who can just say whatever and hook up with some random woman they barely know and have a pleasurable experience with no regrets. For me it’s like I need love to go along with sex…that feeling of looking into someone’s eyes knowing that the physical act is part of something much bigger than body parts going together.
Relatable. I had a few things with exwife during separation but after a few times the fun wore off, particularly when it became obvious we were never getting back together. It felt pathetic.
Relatable. I had a few things with exwife during separation but after a few times the fun wore off, particularly when it became obvious we were never getting back together. It felt pathetic.
Same with me and my ex for the year we were separated. Neither of us could really get over the hump of what separated us to start with so being intimate started to lose its appeal.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
