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Hello,
I am having difficulty with this posting. I wanted to reply to the person who said: When you ask him about how he's feeling, what does he say?
Nothing. He keeps going to the grieving process he is experiencing with the loss of his mother. He tends to put the blame on me by telling me that he can't give me what I want which is "intimacy" and "sex" I guess but I am not begging for that one since at 56, my sex drive is little. Intimacy is what I miss the most. He is not the kind of person that is very expressive or touchy. I am the opposite meaning, I kiss him often and touch him, caress him or embrace him anytime during the day. We do hold hands on the street but I can't get him to tell me how he feels. During the summer he went swimming at a famous spot in the lake and met a journalist. He mentioned her to me. Being that I felt secure in the relationship and knowing that she is much younger, I did not worry about it. Yesterday (December), I came upon an email he wrote her and it was rather long. When I confronted him about it, he said that it was the girl from the lake and they talk about swimming and the weather but the email was rather long for that kind of subject. I sent him an email to tell him that I was upset because for the last past 3 years we have had no sex or intimacy and no response to what is going on and instead of giving me an answer, he starts a friendship or relationship with a woman that he completely hides from me.
I feel cheated even if I know nothing is going on. I am not jealous. I feel betrayed that he is not giving me an answer on how he feels about me or us. I told him that I am not going to live a lie, meaning being in a one sided relationship or me loving someone who doesn't love me back.
I was gone for over 24 hours for my job which gave us a small time apart. When I returned, I wanted to talk about how I felt. I told him that he was the love of my life and I wanted to know how he felt. He said, no drama again and I am tired, I am going to bed. So to answer your question, I do not know how he feel because he won't tell me.
He won't tell you because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings.
Unfortunately, it sounds like the romance is gone. You are in love, and he is in "like". Refusing to try Cialis or Viagra allows him an excuse for not being intimate.
He is forcing you to end the relationship which he doesn't want to do.
Thank you for your feedbacks. Lots of people suggested doing something about ED. He has with medicinal herbs but won't try the Viagra or Cialis options. We have been on vacation and I start being playful but nothing excites him. I will suggest couples therapy and if that doesn't work then you might be right he is not feeling me and I have asked him that question but has a very nice man, he would never tell me. However I do know that he wants to be with me. He likes it the way it is. It seems.
Quote:
Originally Posted by elnina
You guys want two different things in this relationship. You want intimacy, he wants companionship without intimacy.
I don't think you are compatible.
OP, I'm in a similar situation, except I'm the man, and she's the one not interested. We love each other. I think it is wrong to say you are not compatible. It's just not that simple.
I might suggest finding other ways to be intimate. I might also suggest that ED is not uncommon for his age.
Just know, people's sex drive changes over time. Everyone (!!!!) is different, so the one-size-fits-all answers don't always apply.
There is more to relationship than sex. It's VERY important, but it's not the ONLY important thing. Find ways to exploit your compatibilites, to enjoy your things in common, and continue working on the sex drive. Maybe if he doesn't want to do what you want to, try something different. Mix it up.
Thank you and I am sorry about you and your girlfriend. My boyfriend is a great guy and I has said to people and his mother many times that he found a good woman in me and I think he is content with the way things are. Not sure if your girlfriend feels the same way. Good luck!
We are both 56 years old. We have been dating for 6 years now. The sex stopped when my boyfriend moved back with his aging dying mother. He moved back with her in August 2020, 2 years ago now. I moved in with him and her in November 2020. She passed in January 2021 and I thought I was going to go back to normal in the bedroom. After the passing, he was grieving. He started using different herbs to encourage erections with no luck. I am missing the intimacy. I am very affectionate but he lacks there too. Sometimes I feel like he is not attracted to me anymore. Any suggestions would help.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Myghost
OP, I'm in a similar situation, except I'm the man, and she's the one not interested. We love each other. I think it is wrong to say you are not compatible. It's just not that simple.
I might suggest finding other ways to be intimate. I might also suggest that ED is not uncommon for his age.
Just know, people's sex drive changes over time. Everyone (!!!!) is different, so the one-size-fits-all answers don't always apply.
There is more to relationship than sex. It's VERY important, but it's not the ONLY important thing. Find ways to exploit your compatibilites, to enjoy your things in common, and continue working on the sex drive. Maybe if he doesn't want to do what you want to, try something different. Mix it up.
He doesn't want to make up with cuddling or other sort of intimacy.
So no sex, no intimacy, not making you feel attractive - at this point he is just a good friend aka roomie. Is that what you want for yourself for the rest of your life?
He doesn't want to make up with cuddling or other sort of intimacy.
So no sex, no intimacy, not making you feel attractive - at this point he is just a good friend aka roomie. Is that what you want for yourself for the rest of your life?
I am confused as to why you are replying to me. Are you the OP with another account? Are you the OP's therapist?
you state that "he doesn't want to make up with cuddling or other sort of intimacy". Where did you get that? Certainly not from what you bolded in your quoting of the OP, it doesn't say that.
It's just a bit frustrating on this forum in particular. People on the internet pretending to know all the little intangible details of some strangers mindset.
Like I said in MY POST:
Quote:
Everyone (!!!!) is different, so the one-size-fits-all answers don't always apply.
There is more to relationship than sex. It's VERY important, but it's not the ONLY important thing. Find ways to exploit your compatibilites, to enjoy your things in common, and continue working on the sex drive. Maybe if he doesn't want to do what you want to, try something different. Mix it up.
A bunch of strangers being super prescriptive is not going to help the OP. If it was as simple as "he's just your roomie" then I don't think there would be a posting or a discussion here. Maybe you would want to cut bait and bail on your spouse, but OP seems to be willing to have an open mind. Please don't try to close it down.
(Sorry if that sounded cranky. It's probably because I am cranky. If everyone thought like you, marriages would end even more frequently than they already do. At least some of us are still willing to put in the effort.) <--stay strong OP. If you love your husband, keep doing what you seem to be doing, and that's looking for a solution.
I am confused as to why you are replying to me. Are you the OP with another account? Are you the OP's therapist?
you state that "he doesn't want to make up with cuddling or other sort of intimacy". Where did you get that? Certainly not from what you bolded in your quoting of the OP, it doesn't say that.
It's just a bit frustrating on this forum in particular. People on the internet pretending to know all the little intangible details of some strangers mindset.
Like I said in MY POST:
A bunch of strangers being super prescriptive is not going to help the OP. If it was as simple as "he's just your roomie" then I don't think there would be a posting or a discussion here. Maybe you would want to cut bait and bail on your spouse, but OP seems to be willing to have an open mind. Please don't try to close it down.
(Sorry if that sounded cranky. It's probably because I am cranky. If everyone thought like you, marriages would end even more frequently than they already do. At least some of us are still willing to put in the effort.) <--stay strong OP. If you love your husband, keep doing what you seem to be doing, and that's looking for a solution.
yeah, you do sound rude and cranky. I am NOT the OP but I can read.
They are not married. And she said she is affectionate and misses intimacy and he is not giving her any. She did not say she gets everything except sex. From the way she writes she seems to get NOTHING what you would expect to be exchanged by a couple. Therefore, I refer to it as just being friends or roomies.
She also wrote this:
. He tends to put the blame on me by telling me that he can't give me what I want which is "intimacy" and "sex" I guess but I am not begging for that one since at 56, my sex drive is little. Intimacy is what I miss the most. He is not the kind of person that is very expressive or touchy. I am the opposite meaning, I kiss him often and touch him, caress him or embrace him anytime during the day. We do hold hands on the street but I can't get him to tell me how he feels.
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