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You could dump this one and find yourself going out with someone that seems like a saint, but in reality just isn't telling you about any sex partners or cheating, or bank robbing. The problem really is you.
If this woman makes you feel insecure, which is what comes across in your post, it's better you break it off asap rather than get more emotionally involved with her. It would be better for both of you.
Why do people have these inappropriate and it's none of your business conversasions?
They just lead to where you are now tonnyblue, confused, unsure and asking for advice from people you don't know.
You've known this woman for almost a year, you're both in your forties (mature), by now you should have the life experience to have a decent ability to sense a person's character.
You know your friend, we don't, what is your feeling about her character? If she's still seeing her former FWB alone, that's probably making you feel uneasy. It would make me feel uneasy. But maybe you all aren't exclusive yet.
Seeing someone while separated awaiting divorce is common and not an issue for me. Most people do this.
Bottom line, if the two of you aren't exclusive at this point she can do as she likes, as can you.
I wouldn't be too quick to throw a good thing away though.
I am glad i asked the questions, i’d rather know now rather than learning years down the line or someday be faced with a cheating partner.
In answer to you question, yes were are exclusive
To clarify, she cheated on her ex husband before she told him she wanted to separate, not after.
It may perhaps be relevant to also add that the FWB situation she told me about happened 20 years ago.
My first question is, since she knows the ex-FWB is a player/cheater, why is she friends with someone like that? Why would she want to someone like that in her circle at all? If she values commitment, why is she friends with a serial cheater?
About the other situation, it sounds like the marriage was already unraveling and maybe she was already separated but not divorced yet. so she had an affair. It's not like she cheated during the marriage, and that brought about the separation and divorce. Is cheating while separated on the way to divorce cheating? IDK. Grey area, IMO.
The fact that she's good friends with this serial-cheater-ex-FWB makes me question her value system, though. How much do you and she have in common, OP? Values, goals, interests? It seems like a crevasse may have just opened up between you two in that regard.
Birds of a feather; flock together. Why tie yourself with a sinking ship unless you are desparate. Abort.
I am glad i asked the questions, i’d rather know now rather than learning years down the line or someday be faced with a cheating partner.
In answer to you question, yes were are exclusive
To clarify, she cheated on her ex husband before she told him she wanted to separate, not after.
It may perhaps be relevant to also add that the FWB situation she told me about happened 20 years ago.
Does she still go out with her former FWB? 20 years ago is a long time. Might be an issue, might not. It's my personal opinion that when in a committed relationship, opposite sex friendships, especially ones where intimacy has been involved, should be put on the back burner.
Imo she shouldn't have talked about the problems at the end of her marriage, especially if she received judgement instead of sympathetic understanding for when she was going through a difficult time.
People can cheat at any time whether they have in the past or not. How she's behaving with you now is what counts.
Most people in their 40's have a "past" and the FWB was 20 years ago. . Let it go OP, forget about it, it's history. I'm sure you have your own history that might not be pristine either. If she makes you happy and you get on well together, I wouldn't be so quick to dump her.
Most people in their 40's have a "past" and the FWB was 20 years ago. . Let it go OP, forget about it, it's history.
Yes, but....she's still friends with the sleazebag. That's the part that doesn't make sense, unless she's either still FWB with him (let's hope not), or .... ??? What does she see in this guy? Why do they still hang out together, even if platonic? I agree with the 20 yrs ago is worth ignoring, but not if he's still a regular in her present life, even as a friend. That's what I don't get.
Yes, but....she's still friends with the sleazebag. That's the part that doesn't make sense, unless she's either still FWB with him (let's hope not), or .... ??? What does she see in this guy? Why do they still hang out together, even if platonic? I agree with the 20 yrs ago is worth ignoring, but not if he's still a regular in her present life, even as a friend. That's what I don't get.
I would only classify him as a sleaze if I were dating him today, but if there is no romance going on, then even sleaze bags can be good company. What I mean is, if there are no romantic ties to the guy, his bedroom antics aren't really relevant to the friendship. I don't see anything wrong with keeping in touch with an old FWB, particularly one from 20 years ago. Heck I'm still friends with old flames and it's never once crossed my mind to hop into bed with them "for old time's sake".
I would only classify him as a sleaze if I were dating him today, but if there is no romance going on, then even sleaze bags can be good company. What I mean is, if there are no romantic ties to the guy, his bedroom antics aren't really relevant to the friendship. I don't see anything wrong with keeping in touch with an old FWB, particularly one from 20 years ago. Heck I'm still friends with old flames and it's never once crossed my mind to hop into bed with them "for old time's sake".
There is a significant population of posters on here who believe that a man and a woman can't ever be in the same room together and not rip each other's clothes off and got at it like bunnies. I don't understand, but I guess many people just can't control their urges. Seems like a character flaw to me.
I have been with my girlfriend for less than a year. We are both in out early forties. We were recently having a discussion following something we saw on television about sexual partners. In answer to questions that i asked during the conversation she revealed two things that i am concerned about. The first thing is that one of her close male friends is also someone with whom she was "friends with benefits" over a period of a couple of months several years ago when they were both single. They were close friends before and have remained close friends afterwards. She assures me it is platonic. The are part of the same group of friends but also see each other one on one occasionally. He is a playboy and a serial cheater. The second thing i learned is that she had cheated on her ex husband with another man at the end of their marriage. Also told me she consulted with a psychologist during the separation process about the entire situation (not just the cheating) but she was uncomfortable sharing more detail so i did not press. I am looking to build something long term. I am comfortable in my skin but i do not want to put my head in the sand about problems that may lie ahead. I appreciate her honesty about this and she promises unequivocally to be faithful, but should i be concerned? Would it be fair for me to push further for more details or to set some boundaries? Any advice and experiences that you are willing to share are helpful.
This comes from my experience, and a story about my EX husband of 28 years. We had a lot of problems, but "cheating" wasn't one of them. To my knowledge, he never cheated and I certainly never did, thus his call to me a few months after we separated. He had a girlfriend and called me for advice on something that was bothering him. He told me that she had admitted to him that she had been with a lot of married men (at work, in the parking lot I might add). Also, she told him that when she, herself, was married, she cheated on her husband.
His question to me was: Do you think she would ever cheat on me?
First of all, I would like to add that the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" isn't always true. People are humbled and change all the time. My response to his question was this, and I will always believe this.
There is an invisible line that most married people see from time to time. The line is never to be crossed and doing so would cause much damage. The line is there for all to see. Some people (most) see the line clearly, where some people don't see it at all. Obviously, this particular girlfriend doesn't see the line. She has never seen it, so gong forward, she may not see it. But I did say that I felt like she really cared for him and had no clue as to whether or not she would cheat on him. She is "capable" of cheating because she doesn't see the "line", but I had no way of saying that she probably would. I told him he would have to rely on her feelings for him and his for her and whether or not they totally trusted one another. If there was any doubt, remove yourself from the situation. If there was never any doubt then don't worry about it.
Sorry to say op but nope , l'd never be involved with a woman that had done either of those. To me things like that say so many things about her that nope, not interested.
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