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I am pretty extroverted, social, the complete opposite of shy, outgoing and always up to something, whether attending an event, volunteering, or a fitness class. I do enjoy my alone time and also enjoy being at home with a book or gardening/attending to plants. I consider myself an ambivert that leans to extroversion. Every guy I have dated or has taken an interest in me, has been introverted, shy and the opposite of how I am. It almost never fails, the introverted types always get super attracted to me and I go after them.
For the first time I started dating someone who is a lot more like me. More of an ambivert, but leans extroverted, and likes to socialize the same way I do and is not shy at all (even less than I am) and just as outgoing. In the past I thought having someone like me would wear me out, but I now realize it actually works perfectly at least so far. So in a way I realized I had a huge misconception as to what type of guy works best for my personality.
I always thought introverted or shy guy types were the best for me, but in the end it never worked out because in a way I think I trample over them (figuratively speaking). I've learned having someone that can match my energy means they can also keep up with me and feed off of pretty well. Where with the opposite type of guys I think I was either came off as too strong, intimidating or too much for them to handle in my energy level.
When I was single, I was always dating the same woman over and over again. Sure, they were short and tall, blonde, brunette, and redhead. Heck, one was a model who had been on the cover of Italian Vogue and Elle. But it was essentially the same type: Artsy, neurotic, and an almost pathological need for drama.
After the two-year ordeal with the last one–one of those on-again, off-again, does-she-does-she-not kind of things--I quit dating cold turkey for six months. Even if the chance presented itself, if an attractive woman made an overture, I just didn't take the bait.
Why? Because I figured out that I was the common denominator in all my relationship busts. Not so much in how I approached it (Although that figured heavily into it) but in what I was willing to accept in terms of treatment. It was shocking to realize that I was basically putting up with the same crap over and over again, that I was attracted to broken people. So I resolved that I would never date a woman like that again.
The next woman I met? The complete opposite in just about every way. We were married inside of a year from meeting. For years after we got together, we'd bump into one of my exes, and my wife would always ask the same question. "Now, why did you choose me?" "Because I got smart," was my consistent reply.
When I was single, I was always dating the same woman over and over again. Sure, they were short and tall, blonde, brunette, and redhead. Heck, one was a model who had been on the cover of Italian Vogue and Elle. But it was essentially the same type: Artsy, neurotic, and an almost pathological need for drama.
After the two-year ordeal with the last one–one of those on-again, off-again, does-she-does-she-not kind of things--I quit dating cold turkey for six months. Even if the chance presented itself, if an attractive woman made an overture, I just didn't take the bait.
Why? Because I figured out that I was the common denominator in all my relationship busts. Not so much in how I approached it (Although that figured heavily into it) but in what I was willing to accept in terms of treatment. It was shocking to realize that I was basically putting up with the same crap over and over again, that I was attracted to broken people. So I resolved that I would never date a woman like that again.
The next woman I met? The complete opposite in just about every way. We were married inside of a year from meeting. For years after we got together, we'd bump into one of my exes, and my wife would always ask the same question. "Now, why did you choose me?" "Because I got smart," was my consistent reply.
Love it. Yeah and my experience I realized while attracting the wrong people is not 100% on me, pursuing them was a mistake. I have learned me lesson, and realized that I have strong personality in the sense that I am direct, very secure and not shy at all. So I need someone that can go toe to toe with that. In the past I kept attracting guys who couldn't handle directness (were very passive aggressive), insecure or pretty shy. It creates an imbalance that doesn't work out.
With this current guy and the guy before him, they were a lot more like me and they both started strong. The previous guy started strong and it was turning to something real, but he had addiction issues which is why it didn't work out. But in regards to energy levels and personalities we were a good match, just as I am with this new guy.
When I was single, I was always dating the same woman over and over again. Sure, they were short and tall, blonde, brunette, and redhead. Heck, one was a model who had been on the cover of Italian Vogue and Elle. But it was essentially the same type: Artsy, neurotic, and an almost pathological need for drama.
After the two-year ordeal with the last one–one of those on-again, off-again, does-she-does-she-not kind of things--I quit dating cold turkey for six months. Even if the chance presented itself, if an attractive woman made an overture, I just didn't take the bait.
Why? Because I figured out that I was the common denominator in all my relationship busts. Not so much in how I approached it (Although that figured heavily into it) but in what I was willing to accept in terms of treatment. It was shocking to realize that I was basically putting up with the same crap over and over again, that I was attracted to broken people. So I resolved that I would never date a woman like that again.
The next woman I met? The complete opposite in just about every way. We were married inside of a year from meeting. For years after we got together, we'd bump into one of my exes, and my wife would always ask the same question. "Now, why did you choose me?" "Because I got smart," was my consistent reply.
That’s exactly it. Taking a break to self reflect goes a long way as well. A friend (who’s also a therapist) told me to make a list of pros and cons on the last guy. I thought that was tiresome and trite, too easy. It’s actually all that was needed to see that what I was accepting wasn’t going to make me truly happy. So much negative I was accepting!
Also I probably was not putting enough effort into other areas of my life, so I got all my challenge and excitement out of Project People. I got into a couple of physical hobbies like hiking and walking, I put more effort into my work. Within months my attitude changed. No time for someone who’s such a mess any more.
Love it. Yeah and my experience I realized while attracting the wrong people is not 100% on me, pursuing them was a mistake. I have learned me lesson, and realized that I have strong personality in the sense that I am direct, very secure and not shy at all. So I need someone that can go toe to toe with that. In the past I kept attracting guys who couldn't handle directness (were very passive aggressive), insecure or pretty shy. It creates an imbalance that doesn't work out.
With this current guy and the guy before him, they were a lot more like me and they both started strong. The previous guy started strong and it was turning to something real, but he had addiction issues which is why it didn't work out. But in regards to energy levels and personalities we were a good match, just as I am with this new guy.
I always tell people that Mrs. Minivan married me because I was the only man on the planet unafraid of her. She can be pretty direct and opinionated. Those things don't bother me in the least. And, early on, I wasn't afraid to call her on BS. She liked that about me.
I always tell people that Mrs. Minivan married me because I was the only man on the planet unafraid of her. She can be pretty direct and opinionated. Those things don't bother me in the least. And, early on, I wasn't afraid to call her on BS. She liked that about me.
It's so important. Because with other guys I feel like I could never solve any problems with them because we couldn't discuss them openly and freely or they weren't honest and very passive aggressive about it. And I despise passive aggressive behavior.
Love it. Yeah and my experience I realized while attracting the wrong people is not 100% on me, pursuing them was a mistake. I have learned me lesson, and realized that I have strong personality in the sense that I am direct, very secure and not shy at all. So I need someone that can go toe to toe with that. In the past I kept attracting guys who couldn't handle directness (were very passive aggressive), insecure or pretty shy. It creates an imbalance that doesn't work out.
With this current guy and the guy before him, they were a lot more like me and they both started strong. The previous guy started strong and it was turning to something real, but he had addiction issues which is why it didn't work out. But in regards to energy levels and personalities we were a good match, just as I am with this new guy.
Shy or introverted isn't the issue. Often an extrovert and introvert complement each other. An entertainer and a good listener can be a good match. Maybe that's why you have connected with those types.
I think your issue is the "strong" personality. Some people don't like conflict, especially introverts. Not liking conflict does not mean "passive-aggressive." You sound kind of like a good friend of mine. I always felt she needed someone who would "go toe to toe" as opposed to someone she would roll over.
It's so important. Because with other guys I feel like I could never solve any problems with them because we couldn't discuss them openly and freely or they weren't honest and very passive aggressive about it. And I despise passive aggressive behavior.
It's bad, nothing ever gets resolved because they avoid it.
I'm an introvert but not averse to conflict, it bothers me to have things unresolved. Let's get it all out on the table and start from there. If we don't agree, see where we can compromise. Maybe we both learn something.
Even worse is conflict avoidant people who get offended at everything and start lashing out irrationally because you upset the apple cart by bringing attention to a problem and problems are bad.
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