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Worried123, I think you have a legit right to be worried. Certain type of men are just not going to date you because they don't want all that, "baggage", "drama", "person who made poor choices", or whatever similar thing you want to call it. I personally do NOT give people a pass for the, "young & dumb" excuse (depending on what it was they did) & I'm not saying that you're claiming that w/ your situation, but I HATE that excuse in general because we were ALL 13, 16, 18, 21, etc. too & not all of us went down the wrong path, made bad choices, etc. & I'm one of them. I have zero regrets in my young or older/current life.
I think this is a little harsh. I tend to admire those who have “made lemonade from lemons” more than those who have lived a charmed life from the day they were born.
That's the LAST thing she needs w/ those 2 other little ones. It's best for her to find a guy who doesn't mind her past & doesn't want kids himself (or doesn't want any more).
I'm not saying she should want more kids but at her age if she's not open to it she will be severely limiting her prospects. It's one thing to take on a woman with kids it's another to get in to such a situation and then not be able to add children of your own to the family you're trying to build with her. Some men will be OK with that, but in her age group more men will not be.
Worried123, I think you have a legit right to be worried. Certain type of men are just not going to date you because they don't want all that, "baggage", "drama", "person who made poor choices", or whatever similar thing you want to call it. I personally do NOT give people a pass for the, "young & dumb" excuse (depending on what it was they did) & I'm not saying that you're claiming that w/ your situation, but I HATE that excuse in general because we were ALL 13, 16, 18, 21, etc. too & not all of us went down the wrong path, made bad choices, etc. & I'm one of them. I have zero regrets in my young or older/current life.
Now I'm sure there will always be some other types of men who will look past that, know you've changed, etc. & date you.
But, I'm always wary of the other types of men who want to date a single mother w/ young kids like you still have. I'm talking about men who are the wolves in sheep's clothing, but in reality are pedophiles, sex offenders, etc. who want access to kids & what's the best way to do that? By dating a mother who still has little kids. He'll gain her trust, she'll probably eventually let him babysit or watch the kids in some way while she's gone & well, there you go. Those kids' lives will never be the same.
I'd advise ANY single mother to not date until her kids are older, ideally 18 because any younger than that & kids NEED their parent desperately because they know their parents have already broken up, so they need that full love & support in their young lives while they go through their childhood, pre-teen, & teen yrs. They don't want some new guy stepping in over them.
That's the LAST thing she needs w/ those 2 other little ones. It's best for her to find a guy who doesn't mind her past & doesn't want kids himself (or doesn't want any more).
So she shouldn't date for another 15 years?? Yeah that's not realistic
Some men are not going to want a relationship with a woman that has children. That's a given, and the two in your custody will be the issue. Other men, particularly those with children of their own, will be fine with it. Many, if not most , will be able to look past a mistake made when a teenager.
However, you should maybe see about getting some counseling to help you with your self esteem.
I’ve been worried about this secret I have for years. I don’t know how any nice normal guy could be interested in me. I’m a nice normal woman my self I’m 27 I work in disability care I have two young children 7 and 3 to a man is lovely but it didn’t work out and I’m not sure why he didn’t care about the situation I’m about to desribe…. I have my own place I drive my own car I’m kind and caring and just normal. But when I was 17 I was I clocked in a horrible abusive relationship and had a baby boy. Due to the violence in the relationship my age and my own mother having a mental illness my boy was taken from my care I visited him as much as I was allowed and even tried to go to court to get him back when I was 21 but it didn’t even get to court. Now he’s at an age where he loves his foster family and he doesn’t want to come to visits anymore. My question is how would I date. Surely no man is going to want to continue dating me knowing that I had a child at 17 and he was taken from me. I can’t see any nice guy wrapping his head around the situation and being ok with it. Even though I’m a lovely person (I believe) I just can’t see a guy sticking around after finding that out. Honest opinions please?
Honest opinion: Is this really a problem? A problem is: “I can’t pay my rent, I don’t have a job, they found a lump, my mom’s dying of cancer…”
You have 2 small children, a full time job, car and home. If you are a “nice normal girl” as you say, one day a man will find you interesting enough to get to know you, and you will both accept each other, flaws and all. In the meantime, be there for your children, excel at your job, and get interested in things that enrich your family’s daily lives. Home improvement? Gardening? Painting? A pet?
You have a life, not a problem, and the kind of man you need is not one who’s looking for a girl with “a problem”.
You know what OP, there will be men who won't accept your circumstances. That's just a fact of life. But there WILL be men who will be able to overlook your past and see you for good woman you are. He will appreciate your kind and forgiving nature, which was forged from your painful past. And THATS the kind of man you want.
Hmm...so interesting the perspectives about her two kids...In my life I have seen enough men who are not put off by a woman with kids, and they were good men ( not the kind that belong in jail alhtough one must be very vigilant when it comes to this). I agree with those that said you need some self acceptance and to get out of your head. Also you do need to be upfront, direct early on ASAP. I do get your fear , but really, everyone (except Forever Blue) has something that was difficult &/or required a life learning experience.
I do hope that Forever Blue has invested in a parachute for the day she falls off that skyscaper high horse she is on....
Thank you everyone for your replies and opinions. Just to clarify I am very much in the space of just living life with my kids and getting healthier and happier and excelling, I’m the best I’ve been mentally, emotionally and physically. I’ve had conversations with my sister saying I don’t want to date for a long while. But this guy who is like the organiser of the soccer team in my little home town has shown interest and wants to get me a coffee and I thought no way at first because one he’s lives in my little home town and I usually wouldn’t date anyone from my home town and two I just don’t want to ruin the happy life I have going at the moment because yes I do get in my own head too much. But then my friends are telling me to just give it a chance it’s not like I’m out LOOKING for a date kinda thing. And yes I’m definitely looking at seeing someone about my self esteem my upbringing with my mother, everything really.
Thank you everyone for your replies and opinions. Just to clarify I am very much in the space of just living life with my kids and getting healthier and happier and excelling, I’m the best I’ve been mentally, emotionally and physically. I’ve had conversations with my sister saying I don’t want to date for a long while. But this guy who is like the organiser of the soccer team in my little home town has shown interest and wants to get me a coffee and I thought no way at first because one he’s lives in my little home town and I usually wouldn’t date anyone from my home town and two I just don’t want to ruin the happy life I have going at the moment because yes I do get in my own head too much. But then my friends are telling me to just give it a chance it’s not like I’m out LOOKING for a date kinda thing. And yes I’m definitely looking at seeing someone about my self esteem my upbringing with my mother, everything really.
I believe there is someone great out there who you are perfect with. You don't WANT someone who is going to judge you harshly. Tell everyone you go out with right away. Let the chips fall where they will.
And don't settle. And don't listen to anyone's crap about your past. Onward and upward.
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