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So, I [27M] started dating a girl [24F] I met this girl, we clicked straight away everything was going so so well. At this point two months in I realized that I wanted to be in my first relationship with her. However after those two months (lets say August time) she told me that she was having family issues on her side and it meant she could not put the energy into building a relationship between us. It hurt but I had to respect it. During that time we would have small conversations catching up with each other to make sure that we are both okay but she wouldn't give into giving us both a try.
One day we then had a phone call and she basically said that I should go and pursue a relationship elsewhere because she couldn't give me any guarantees. Again, I had to respect it. So I decided to put myself out there and met someone who I was FWB with but both mutually agreed we was not in it for a relationship. This was in October. During this time me and the girl [24F] started speaking on the phone more and more and she asked me if I had been on dates with anyone else I said yes at the time. She said it made her a little bit angry inside but at this point I think she was warming more towards coming back and giving it a go, which was the case around December. We had a phone conversation into the night and she asked me a question "Was I sexually active with anyone during the time we weren't together". At this point I said, I can lie about this and take it with me to the grave or be honest and transparent (like all relationships should be) and she reacted completely opposite, she was taken aback from it. She said that she needed a few days to think about this as she couldn't see me the same way. At this point my hands are shaking, my mind mentally is all over the place. I remember the morning after she put up a post in her language translated to "Good Morning to everyone apart from some" which made me feel it was directed towards me. I was so heartbroken by all this but at the same time she called me as well to check on me and my anxiety which gave me hope. But then a few days later she called me to say that she's not going to pursue our relationship any further. Worst news I could have hoped for. During the call we are going back and forth but what stood out to me was the fact I was made to feel belittled and a **** human being. She told me never to contact her again. She is quite a cut-throat person who doesn't hold back with their words so I knew she meant every word.
I was so hurt inside but angry too because of how she spoke to me. I understand how she feels but I just hate the way she spoke to me and my mind was in a gutter these past few days waiting for her answer only to be talked to like that. My reactionary response was to go back on dating app a day after this happened but then happened to get a message from her with a screenshot of my profile and she commented saying I am full of **** and that "How do I know you doing other things until I was available for you". I simply said "We can agree to disagree but we will go nowhere. It hurts me you made your decision final and very apparent which I will respect and learning how to accept it. Wish you all the best" with a few more personal stuff to it. I believe she deleted my number and never heard from her again.
It has been around 7 months since this incident. I am currently seeing someone now and its going good. Its been approx. 3 months. But recently I had a dream about her [24F] reaching out to me after someone I knew in real life passed away. Since then its been playing on my mind. Then a few days after that I was on Instagram and on my suggested accounts she popped up (She created a new account). I don't know if this is a sign but right now my head is in a very weird space. I feel like I want to reach out to her, not necessarily with an aim, but more so to get this 'hate' off my chest. I would want at least one final conversation to really talk about why this happened. I'm not the type of guy to end on bad notes with people and this was the worst I've had with anyone. What's worse is that because I am seeing someone this is a distraction that I want to settle on my mind once and for all because I don't want it to get in the way of both of us.
So, I [27M] started dating a girl [24F] I met this girl, we clicked straight away everything was going so so well. At this point two months in I realized that I wanted to be in my first relationship with her. However after those two months (lets say August time) she told me that she was having family issues on her side and it meant she could not put the energy into building a relationship between us. It hurt but I had to respect it. During that time we would have small conversations catching up with each other to make sure that we are both okay but she wouldn't give into giving us both a try.
One day we then had a phone call and she basically said that I should go and pursue a relationship elsewhere because she couldn't give me any guarantees. Again, I had to respect it. So I decided to put myself out there and met someone who I was FWB with but both mutually agreed we was not in it for a relationship. This was in October. During this time me and the girl [24F] started speaking on the phone more and more and she asked me if I had been on dates with anyone else I said yes at the time. She said it made her a little bit angry inside but at this point I think she was warming more towards coming back and giving it a go, which was the case around December. We had a phone conversation into the night and she asked me a question "Was I sexually active with anyone during the time we weren't together". At this point I said, I can lie about this and take it with me to the grave or be honest and transparent (like all relationships should be) and she reacted completely opposite, she was taken aback from it. She said that she needed a few days to think about this as she couldn't see me the same way. At this point my hands are shaking, my mind mentally is all over the place. I remember the morning after she put up a post in her language translated to "Good Morning to everyone apart from some" which made me feel it was directed towards me. I was so heartbroken by all this but at the same time she called me as well to check on me and my anxiety which gave me hope. But then a few days later she called me to say that she's not going to pursue our relationship any further. Worst news I could have hoped for. During the call we are going back and forth but what stood out to me was the fact I was made to feel belittled and a **** human being. She told me never to contact her again. She is quite a cut-throat person who doesn't hold back with their words so I knew she meant every word.
I was so hurt inside but angry too because of how she spoke to me. I understand how she feels but I just hate the way she spoke to me and my mind was in a gutter these past few days waiting for her answer only to be talked to like that. My reactionary response was to go back on dating app a day after this happened but then happened to get a message from her with a screenshot of my profile and she commented saying I am full of **** and that "How do I know you doing other things until I was available for you". I simply said "We can agree to disagree but we will go nowhere. It hurts me you made your decision final and very apparent which I will respect and learning how to accept it. Wish you all the best" with a few more personal stuff to it. I believe she deleted my number and never heard from her again.
It has been around 7 months since this incident. I am currently seeing someone now and its going good. Its been approx. 3 months. But recently I had a dream about her [24F] reaching out to me after someone I knew in real life passed away. Since then its been playing on my mind. Then a few days after that I was on Instagram and on my suggested accounts she popped up (She created a new account). I don't know if this is a sign but right now my head is in a very weird space. I feel like I want to reach out to her, not necessarily with an aim, but more so to get this 'hate' off my chest. I would want at least one final conversation to really talk about why this happened. I'm not the type of guy to end on bad notes with people and this was the worst I've had with anyone. What's worse is that because I am seeing someone this is a distraction that I want to settle on my mind once and for all because I don't want it to get in the way of both of us.
What should I do?
Absolutely positively do not do that. This person is toxic. She told you that you should go be with other people and then when she decided she made up her mind but she wanted to be with you she got mad at you for moving on that is not rational that person is not stable and I would tell you don't give her the time of day she hurt you she's just going to do it again and it's going to hurt worse and she'll keep doing it until there's nothing left to hurt save yourself the trouble.
This woman based on the description you gave has a manipulator written all over her. She lost you have some self worth.
What the OP needs to do, but wont', is to salvage whatever self respect and dignity he has left regarding this woman, and move on.
It's clear she enjoys playing and manipulating him like a fiddle, and he continues to be obsessed with this mess. I don't get why so many people spend so much time and effort trying to salvage a relationship that never was, instead of putting that same energy into meeting people that are of healthy mind.
What the OP needs to do, but wont', is to salvage whatever self respect and dignity he has left regarding this woman, and move on.
It's clear she enjoys playing and manipulating him like a fiddle, and he continues to be obsessed with this mess. I don't get why so many people spend so much time and effort trying to salvage a relationship that never was, instead of putting that same energy into meeting people that are of healthy mind.
Totally agree with this. I was thinking, before reading this "What he should do, and what he'll probably do, are 2 totally different things."
Cause OP, what you SHOULD do is focus on your current relationship. But what you'll PROBABLY do is reach out to the ex, because you haven't been kicked in the balls quite enough yet.
Grow up. You are too old for this middle school drama. You didn't do anything wrong. Unless you are a masochist stay away from the fruitcake . Focus on your current GF.
It has been around 7 months since this incident. I am currently seeing someone now and its going good. Its been approx. 3 months. But recently I had a dream about her [24F] reaching out to me after someone I knew in real life passed away. Since then its been playing on my mind. Then a few days after that I was on Instagram and on my suggested accounts she popped up (She created a new account). I don't know if this is a sign but right now my head is in a very weird space. I feel like I want to reach out to her, not necessarily with an aim, but more so to get this 'hate' off my chest. I would want at least one final conversation to really talk about why this happened. I'm not the type of guy to end on bad notes with people and this was the worst I've had with anyone. What's worse is that because I am seeing someone this is a distraction that I want to settle on my mind once and for all because I don't want it to get in the way of both of us.
What should I do?
Focus on the bolded part above. Did you learn nothing when the 24 yo couldn't have a relationship with you because you slept with someone else while you were not together? You'll put the current relationship at risk. Remember, the past is past. Learn from it and move on.
What the OP needs to do, but wont', is to salvage whatever self respect and dignity he has left regarding this woman, and move on.
It's clear she enjoys playing and manipulating him like a fiddle, and he continues to be obsessed with this mess. I don't get why so many people spend so much time and effort trying to salvage a relationship that never was, instead of putting that same energy into meeting people that are of healthy mind.
THIS!!!!
Unfortunately, so many people cling to their exes. Exes who are exes for a reason. And then they hold on to that unhealthy mindset for possibly many, many years. A new partner will never measure up to these unrealistic thoughts of what could have been (with that crazy ex who was more drama than fun).
I don't understand why people are always stuck on unhealthy people with whom they BARELY had any relationship at all? It's not like they were together for a long time and then it ended. This was never a real relationship.
OP, let me tell you, if you would not have slept with someone else and would have become a couple with her, it WOULD NOT HAVE been a happy, healthy relationship. She has drama and mindf..ck written all over her. She is no good. You would have signed on to a drama ridden relationship, many long fights, blocking each other and unblocking, and begging for forgiveness for dumb stuff on your side.
So, I [27M] started dating a girl [24F] I met this girl, we clicked straight away everything was going so so well. At this point two months in I realized that I wanted to be in my first relationship with her. However after those two months (lets say August time) she told me that she was having family issues on her side and it meant she could not put the energy into building a relationship between us. It hurt but I had to respect it. During that time we would have small conversations catching up with each other to make sure that we are both okay but she wouldn't give into giving us both a try.
One day we then had a phone call and she basically said that I should go and pursue a relationship elsewhere because she couldn't give me any guarantees. Again, I had to respect it. So I decided to put myself out there and met someone who I was FWB with but both mutually agreed we was not in it for a relationship. This was in October. During this time me and the girl [24F] started speaking on the phone more and more and she asked me if I had been on dates with anyone else I said yes at the time. She said it made her a little bit angry inside but at this point I think she was warming more towards coming back and giving it a go, which was the case around December. We had a phone conversation into the night and she asked me a question "Was I sexually active with anyone during the time we weren't together". At this point I said, I can lie about this and take it with me to the grave or be honest and transparent (like all relationships should be) and she reacted completely opposite, she was taken aback from it. She said that she needed a few days to think about this as she couldn't see me the same way. At this point my hands are shaking, my mind mentally is all over the place. I remember the morning after she put up a post in her language translated to "Good Morning to everyone apart from some" which made me feel it was directed towards me. I was so heartbroken by all this but at the same time she called me as well to check on me and my anxiety which gave me hope. But then a few days later she called me to say that she's not going to pursue our relationship any further. Worst news I could have hoped for. During the call we are going back and forth but what stood out to me was the fact I was made to feel belittled and a **** human being. She told me never to contact her again. She is quite a cut-throat person who doesn't hold back with their words so I knew she meant every word.
I was so hurt inside but angry too because of how she spoke to me. I understand how she feels but I just hate the way she spoke to me and my mind was in a gutter these past few days waiting for her answer only to be talked to like that. My reactionary response was to go back on dating app a day after this happened but then happened to get a message from her with a screenshot of my profile and she commented saying I am full of **** and that "How do I know you doing other things until I was available for you". I simply said "We can agree to disagree but we will go nowhere. It hurts me you made your decision final and very apparent which I will respect and learning how to accept it. Wish you all the best" with a few more personal stuff to it. I believe she deleted my number and never heard from her again.
It has been around 7 months since this incident. I am currently seeing someone now and its going good. Its been approx. 3 months. But recently I had a dream about her [24F] reaching out to me after someone I knew in real life passed away. Since then its been playing on my mind. Then a few days after that I was on Instagram and on my suggested accounts she popped up (She created a new account). I don't know if this is a sign but right now my head is in a very weird space. I feel like I want to reach out to her, not necessarily with an aim, but more so to get this 'hate' off my chest. I would want at least one final conversation to really talk about why this happened. I'm not the type of guy to end on bad notes with people and this was the worst I've had with anyone. What's worse is that because I am seeing someone this is a distraction that I want to settle on my mind once and for all because I don't want it to get in the way of both of us.
What should I do?
Leave her alone; seriously if you're going to get this bent out of shape over someone you "dated" for less than 3 months you really need to stop dating and consider therapy.
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