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Sexually?
Different interests?
Drug and alcohol use?
What?
Quote:
Originally Posted by AverageJoeShmo
I enjoy it , she’ does not or fakes it
Yes very much
No absolutely not
We share same approach towards religion,raising kids , finances ( kind of I’m way more cheap ) , and families get along great
Other than that very different people
Stayed together primarily for kid and for me as I’m attracted to her physically
So you don't ring her bell? What are you doing to fix that? The rest sounds fine. You don't have to have the same interests, although you might want to find one thing you can both enjoy.
I’ll work on planning some activities togather thanks
At the risk of catching hell, I'll suggest Googling some Jordan Peterson short talks on keeping romance alive in a relationship. He really has some excellent advice, if you both are willing to engage, for re-energizing your relationship.
Activities together is a good start. Date night. I know, it sounds trite, but get a sitter, go to a good movie, have dinner out, reconnect. etc etc etc
So you don't ring her bell? What are you doing to fix that? The rest sounds fine. You don't have to have the same interests, although you might want to find one thing you can both enjoy.
Nothing she doesn’t want to experiment anymore
First 2 yrs it was not like this , we both enjoyed it
Are you prepared to watch your daughter be raised by a new father figure? Think hard about what that will look and feel like.
Why did you never marry your partner? Was there always a feeling that the arrangement wasn't permanent? That has to put pressure on both of you.
In your position I would embark on some very intensive couples counseling...not to repair the relationship you have, but build a brand new one where you are focused on meeting each others' needs. This takes a lot of maturity but I've seen it done with amazing results. It won't be instinctive, it will take a lot of thinking, communicating, and behavior that may not come naturally right away
Are you prepared to watch your daughter be raised by a new father figure? Think hard about what that will look and feel like.
Why did you never marry your partner? Was there always a feeling that the arrangement wasn't permanent? That has to put pressure on both of you.
In your position I would embark on some very intensive couples counseling...not to repair the relationship you have, but build a brand new one where you are focused on meeting each others' needs. This takes a lot of maturity but I've seen it done with amazing results. It won't be instinctive, it will take a lot of thinking, communicating, and behavior that may not come naturally right away
Building a 'new' relationship is an excellent idea. I've heard it referred to as re-negotiating the relationship. You have an honest dialog around wants and needs, what's working, what's not working and WHY and what each would like to see going forward because life isn't static and things change. It's true that this doesn't come very naturally and can feel forced. But if you love one another and can muster up the courage - and it takes courage to be this honest - to have that talk then you may be able to overcome the currents obstacles. You've stayed together for 8 years and have a daughter. That is not nothing.
The marriage question is interesting, too. Why didn't you marry?
My friend, Peterson, says regarding marriage (and I'm paraphrasing) 'you took a vow in front of your family, friends, and maybe even God, that you would stick by one another NO MATTER WHAT.' It's a vow, it was taken for a reason. It tells the other person I'M NOT LEAVING. Infidelity and other egregious matters aside for the moment.
Of course, when I'm grousing at my husband for some stupid thing LOL I tend to sometimes forget these things but we've been together for 30 yrs, married for 28, and are re-negotiating some things now.
Hi
Wanted to know if anyone here thinks that they are in such a relationship, if so please share your experiences and how you cope with it
Thanks
Actually, not being completely compatible is not a bad thing. Each gets their own space to enjoy their hobbies and the two of you can do things together that you both enjoy. Actually, that works out far better than having two exact like-minded people that spend 24/7 with each other. There are countless married couples that have been together for decades and the husband doesn't do pottery and the wife doesn't play golf. But they do enjoy each other and do things that they both enjoy.
Of course being compatible would involve a lot of other issues that may be a deal breaker. Religion, television/movie genres, raising kids, etc. If the differences are actually ruining your happiness and you just can't deal with it then of course you should end it.
I was in one and I got out. A few things in common but in a whole it was just likes and dislikes.
Building a 'new' relationship is an excellent idea. I've heard it referred to as re-negotiating the relationship. You have an honest dialog around wants and needs, what's working, what's not working and WHY and what each would like to see going forward because life isn't static and things change. It's true that this doesn't come very naturally and can feel forced. But if you love one another and can muster up the courage - and it takes courage to be this honest - to have that talk then you may be able to overcome the currents obstacles. You've stayed together for 8 years and have a daughter. That is not nothing.
The marriage question is interesting, too. Why didn't you marry?
My friend, Peterson, says regarding marriage (and I'm paraphrasing) 'you took a vow in front of your family, friends, and maybe even God, that you would stick by one another NO MATTER WHAT.' It's a vow, it was taken for a reason. It tells the other person I'M NOT LEAVING. Infidelity and other egregious matters aside for the moment.
Of course, when I'm grousing at my husband for some stupid thing LOL I tend to sometimes forget these things but we've been together for 30 yrs, married for 28, and are re-negotiating some things now.
Marriage is not an option , barring 3 plus kids
I don’t agree how the family law system is rigged against the higher earning partner
I refuse to be a part of it
Yes that’s an issue too between us but I wont budge
3 or more kids sure
Are you prepared to watch your daughter be raised by a new father figure? Think hard about what that will look and feel like.
Why did you never marry your partner? Was there always a feeling that the arrangement wasn't permanent? That has to put pressure on both of you.
In your position I would embark on some very intensive couples counseling...not to repair the relationship you have, but build a brand new one where you are focused on meeting each others' needs. This takes a lot of maturity but I've seen it done with amazing results. It won't be instinctive, it will take a lot of thinking, communicating, and behavior that may not come naturally right away
Yes , I’m sure she won’t let a guy close to her who isn’t a good influence
After engagement I consulted 3 divorce attorney for pre marriage counseling and decided against it
Weighing the pros and cons
Marriage is not an option , barring 3 plus kids
I don’t agree how the family law system is rigged against the higher earning partner
I refuse to be a part of it
Yes that’s an issue too between us but I wont budge
3 or more kids sure
Because you don’t cut off your nose to spite your face
Having kids imho is a biological necessity for some
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