My boyfriend had dinner with another woman that he met once 3 years ago. Told her she’s attractive... (women, separate)
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Yea, he paid for the dinner and the Uber. I asked him why didn’t she pay and he said she tried to pay but he declined to be nice and could get a raincheck on her paying. The [snip] part is suggestive, how so?
I came here because I was feeling annoyed but then my friend said I had nothing to worry about, so that just made me feel confused.
A rain check? So they plan to have dinner again and then she pays?
[snip]: sex talk. Sex talk leads to...well, I think we all know where sex talk leads.
She's beautiful and they only had one date. Does he see her as the one that got away?
A rain check? So they plan to have dinner again and then she pays?
[snip]: sex talk. Sex talk leads to...well, I think we all know where sex talk leads.
She's beautiful and they only had one date. Does he see her as the one that got away?
I’m thinking he just said that it didn’t really mean it. I think it would’ve been different if he actually said “next time”. Ugh you’re right about the sex talk :/ now I wonder if they talked more about sex?
I doubt he sees her as the one that got away. He said they had one date and planned on another but neither followed up so it seems like they weren’t that interested in each other years ago.
The OP should do something similar and see how the boyfriend reacts to her inviting a male friend to dinner.
Call me old fashioned or square, but if i were in a committed relationship, the last thing I would do is what this boyfriend did. It's not like they were previously in a relationship and had kids or something else that ties them together. He was the one that kept in touch with this lady all these years and it was him that wanted to have dinner with her.
The OP's female friend tells her not to worry because her boyfriend told the OP about the girl. Umm, not really. Notice that in fact he didn't clarify beforehand with the OP that he was having dinner with a female friend. The OP only found out after the dinner. That alone tells you all you need to know.
It's like the more the OP quizzes him, the more shady details come out. A peck on the cheek? He finds her "objectively attractive?" The heck does that mean. I see nothing good coming out of this situation the longer it continues.
When you search this topic online, I see so many women asking the same question about whether it's okay if their boyfriends had dinner with an ex. Clearly, if it bothers so many women, then it's not normal or okay, and immediately chastising these women by saying it's 'normal' and don't be jealous is not helping the situation whatsoever.
Most of us would probably agree that a candlelight dinner with an ex is a bad idea. But what about a casual dinner or lunch? Researchers at Cornell University discovered that sharing a meal with an ex-partner elicits more sexual jealousy from a current significant partner, male or female, than does an interaction that does not involve eating.
"Eating seems to be viewed as more intimate than just talking or drinking coffee with another person," says Dr. Kevin Kniffin, a behavioral scientist and co-author of the Cornell study.
The OP should do something similar and see how the boyfriend reacts to her inviting a male friend to dinner.
Call me old fashioned or square, but if i were in a committed relationship, the last thing I would do is what this boyfriend did. It's not like they were previously in a relationship and had kids or something else that ties them together. He was the one that kept in touch with this lady all these years and it was him that wanted to have dinner with her.
The OP's female friend tells her not to worry because her boyfriend told the OP about the girl. Umm, not really. Notice that in fact he didn't clarify beforehand with the OP that he was having dinner with a female friend. The OP only found out after the dinner. That alone tells you all you need to know.
It's like the more the OP quizzes him, the more shady details come out. A peck on the cheek? He finds her "objectively attractive?" The heck does that mean. I see nothing good coming out of this situation the longer it continues.
When you search this topic online, I see so many women asking the same question about whether it's okay if their boyfriends had dinner with an ex. Clearly, if it bothers so many women, then it's not normal or okay, and immediately chastising these women by saying it's 'normal' and don't be jealous is not helping the situation whatsoever.
I'm a married male. I do have some female friends, most are long-time friends from college or even as far back as elementary school, plus a couple current or former colleagues. Only one is an "ex" and we "dated" in 9th grade, which hardly counts when you're 50 years old.
I generally don't meet up with them alone without at least ONE of our respective SOs present and I always make sure my wife is aware, and usually invited, even if she can't go or doesn't want to. For colleagues, sure we may have lunch together at work in the lunchroom or something but that's it. I also don't say anything or do anything for them I wouldn't do for a male friend. That basic rule has served me well and my wife uses the same basic standard for any male friends she has.
Enough speculation. Sit down and discuss your feelings with your boyfriend tonight. No more snooping. No more asking strangers.
You are not out of line to ask him to be respectful of your feelings, if you are a couple who are headed towards marriage. He shouldn’t be communicating with her about anything at this point. That’s an emotional affair.
You can work through this with a bit of couple’s therapy. This kind of thing happens fairly often and isn’t the end of the world. However, it’s high time for the two of you to be establishing healthy boundaries and improving communication skills for a stronger, happier relationship going forward.
Enough speculation. Sit down and discuss your feelings with your boyfriend tonight. No more snooping. No more asking strangers.
You are not out of line to ask him to be respectful of your feelings, if you are a couple who are headed towards marriage. He shouldn’t be communicating with her about anything at this point. That’s an emotional affair.
You can work through this with a bit of couple’s therapy. This kind of thing happens fairly often and isn’t the end of the world. However, it’s high time for the two of you to be establishing healthy boundaries and improving communication skills for a stronger, happier relationship going forward.
Be deliberate and level-headed. Don’t panic.
This is a good idea.
I don't know the OP or her SO, but I do think there is at least some possibility that he went into this meeting with good intentions, just to meet up with a friend, and there was some chemistry/attraction there which pulled things in the direction they went.
Attraction isn't something we can control. What we can control is how we react to it. The fact he sent her a message afterwards about being a "freak" is much more concerning, though.
I'm a married male. I do have some female friends, most are long-time friends from college or even as far back as elementary school, plus a couple current or former colleagues. Only one is an "ex" and we "dated" in 9th grade, which hardly counts when you're 50 years old.
I generally don't meet up with them alone without at least ONE of our respective SOs present and I always make sure my wife is aware, and usually invited, even if she can't go or doesn't want to. For colleagues, sure we may have lunch together at work in the lunchroom or something but that's it. I also don't say anything or do anything for them I wouldn't do for a male friend. That basic rule has served me well and my wife uses the same basic standard for any male friends she has.
So you’re saying if he had told me beforehand then none of this would be suspicious?
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