Did I scare her off? [MERGED] (single, personality, friend, couple)
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I guess I just wanted to find what I did wrong and how to fix it. I don’t know why, but I keep thinking that if I do everything perfect, I can attract ANY girl. And if things end, it is my fault. Maybe that’s what’s eating me up. In the course I took, it said that if you do everything right, you can get any girl you want. And if it does not work, either I did something wrong, or she is crazy. But now I am finding out that the dating world is not black and white. I can do everything right, check all the boxes, but not work out for whatever reason.
In this case, it probably didn’t work out because of how bad I messed up. I had the win in my hands. Everything was going absolutely perfect, according to what I planned. Up until I overplanned and got desperate.
And that’s a good question. I don’t mean to brag or anything like that, but no guy at work would ever stand a chance with her. Of course, she is pretty, but no guy would make out the first date alive. That’s because she is very religious and the guys at work are not even close to her on that sense. She is a very rare girl to find. The guys at work label her as “boring” since she is so reserved and because of her hobbies and beliefs. In that stuff, her and I matched perfectly. Same level of religiousness, similar “boring” hobbies, same way of thinking. Same political view, similar aspirations. So many things in common.
No guy has the courage or is willing to ask her out. They all thought I was weird for trying to date her. But if somehow she started dating someone at work, I would be relieved. I would be relieved because, all she told me was a complete lie and she does not meet my standards. But obviously I would be really pissed off. But I know how to hide my emotions, so nothing would happen.
20 year olds don't need to take bogus "dating courses".
There is no formula for human emotion. She's a person, not a prize for you to win.
I have met many terrific men in my life and on paper they have everything going for them but "it" was missing. What "it" is, is something you can't control, create, manipulate or strategize. It's something that exists (or doesn't) between two people, a natural connection that simply fits.
I guess I just wanted to find what I did wrong and how to fix it. I don’t know why, but I keep thinking that if I do everything perfect, I can attract ANY girl. And if things end, it is my fault. Maybe that’s what’s eating me up. In the course I took, it said that if you do everything right, you can get any girl you want. And if it does not work, either I did something wrong, or she is crazy. But now I am finding out that the dating world is not black and white. I can do everything right, check all the boxes, but not work out for whatever reason.
In this case, it probably didn’t work out because of how bad I messed up. I had the win in my hands. Everything was going absolutely perfect, according to what I planned. Up until I overplanned and got desperate.
And that’s a good question. I don’t mean to brag or anything like that, but no guy at work would ever stand a chance with her. Of course, she is pretty, but no guy would make out the first date alive. That’s because she is very religious and the guys at work are not even close to her on that sense. She is a very rare girl to find. The guys at work label her as “boring” since she is so reserved and because of her hobbies and beliefs. In that stuff, her and I matched perfectly. Same level of religiousness, similar “boring” hobbies, same way of thinking. Same political view, similar aspirations. So many things in common.
No guy has the courage or is willing to ask her out. They all thought I was weird for trying to date her. But if somehow she started dating someone at work, I would be relieved. I would be relieved because, all she told me was a complete lie and she does not meet my standards. But obviously I would be really pissed off. But I know how to hide my emotions, so nothing would happen.
Forget everything that you learned from that course. It's a toxic mindset that you've internalized-both for you and for the women in whom you might be interested. Why want the ability to attract any girl when what you desire is woman with whom to build a relationship and possibly a marriage and family down the road? When you see womankind as a monolith to be conquered/won, you fail to see women as individual people with their own very human needs, dreams, and desires.
Dating is not a "win," it's not a game, and it's most certainly not a war. If you're as religious as you're saying that you are, have you prayed on this issue? Talked to your pastor (especially if there are younger pastors at your church)? Gone to websites geared towards someone like you rather than taking courses from PUA (pick up artist) sites? Doing any of the above might be more helpful to achieve your eventual goal of finding a life partner than swallowing more PUA nonsense.
Also, if she ends up going out with someone else from work, that doesn't make her a liar. You weren't the man for her and most certainly, (and you should know this as a religious person) you don't get to dictate what she feels that God has in mind for her and her future.
20 year olds don't need to take bogus "dating courses".
There is no formula for human emotion. She's a person, not a prize for you to win.
I have met many terrific men in my life and on paper they have everything going for them but "it" was missing. What "it" is, is something you can't control, create, manipulate or strategize. It's something that exists (or doesn't) between two people, a natural connection that simply fits.
I mean the courses helped me specially with texting, abundance mentality etc. but yeah not everything from there is as good as it seems. Learned it the hard way.
Are you referring to chemistry? If it is true that you can not create chemistry between you and your date, are there at least ways to enhance it if it is present, even if it is a little spark?
I (20M) went on three dates with this girl (F18) about 2 months ago. On the first date, I had to meet her family. First date was a blast, we had a lot of fun. She asked me my political opinions, which I found a bit weird, but okay. Our values and interests align so perfectly I ask her on a second date, and she said yes with a lot of excitement. A week later, we have our second date.
Second date was good, but I feel I messed up. I told her I was looking for a serious relationship, she said she was looking for the same thing. Then I proceeded to asking her what she saw in me that made her want to go out with me, and I also said how I was looking for someone, all that desperate/needy bull****. Then I asked her if we could hold hands. She freezes for like 5 seconds, then said yes. After holding hands she asked me about the future, what my plans were, if I wanted a family, if I was able to relocate, what kind of house we are going to live in. I then asked her on a third date, which she said yes, but not with as much excitement as before.
Then a week goes by and the texting is good, flirtatious. Then she tells me how the sunset is pretty, I then text her saying that we would watch prettier sunsets together.
Midweek, and she wants to see a movie with me. I agreed, she gets all excited. Then the day of the movie comes, and she is a completely different person. She is sad, reserved, quiet, wearing a hoodie in a 90 degree weather. During the movie, I ask her if we could hold hands, which she turned down. Later she says that she didn’t want to hurt my feelings, that her family was going through a hard time, and when that happens, she distances her self from others. I thought that was weird.
Then two days later, we go on a third date. She is in a better mood. We have a lot of fun, so I thought things were back to normal. So I asked her if I could hold her hand, which she said no. I said it’s all good, and just continued the date like it never happened. Then at the end I ask her out on a fourth date and she says she needs to think about it.
A week goes by of no contact, then she tells me that after praying a lot, she felt God indicating to her that we were not going to end up together, that we would end up with different people.
I asked her when she felt God telling her that. She says she felt fit between the second and third date, before the movie, which makes sense since her whole attitude changed.
And yes, we are both religious. But I don’t buy this “God told me” BS.
My question is, did I come off too strong in the second date? Did I scare her off?
Nope, your conduct was perfectly acceptable. (Maybe a little "too" perfect.)
Look on the bright-side, she saved you from a lifetime of heartache.
Time for you to "move on." Don't make ANY effort to contact/talk/think her. Move on to your next prospect. Quickly. If you run into her, be cordial, but THAT'S IT.
Forget everything that you learned from that course. It's a toxic mindset that you've internalized-both for you and for the women in whom you might be interested. Why want the ability to attract any girl when what you desire is woman with whom to build a relationship and possibly a marriage and family down the road? When you see womankind as a monolith to be conquered/won, you fail to see women as individual people with their own very human needs, dreams, and desires.
Dating is not a "win," it's not a game, and it's most certainly not a war. If you're as religious as you're saying that you are, have you prayed on this issue? Talked to your pastor (especially if there are younger pastors at your church)? Gone to websites geared towards someone like you rather than taking courses from PUA (pick up artist) sites? Doing any of the above might be more helpful to achieve your eventual goal of finding a life partner than swallowing more PUA nonsense.
Also, if she ends up going out with someone else from work, that doesn't make her a liar. You weren't the man for her and most certainly, (and you should know this as a religious person) you don't get to dictate what she feels that God has in mind for her and her future.
Yeah you are right. I really need to change my mindset. I do not know how or what mindset I am going to have, but there has to be a way.
And yeah I talked with the pastor at my church, and he said that all of my past experiences with girls is actually God preparing me for my future wife. The same happened to him when he was my age, until he met the woman God had in store for him. He says the girl God has stored for me is better than this one. I mean, I get what he means. I am getting better at dating. The biggest teacher failure is. I learn by messing up, by learning from my mistakes. But at the end of the day, I don't think there is a girl who will be better or equal to her. She was just wow. I know, no one is perfect, but her qualities are so rare to find nowadays. If what my pastor said is true, God will have to send me an angel. No less.
And yes, I have prayed on this, but the answers I got are not good. I don't know if it is God telling me or if it is my mind just going crazy, but as I prayed, I heard a little voice saying,
"She was not the one. I put her in your path for you to see that you are not ugly or boring. That you are capable of getting dates. But now is not the time. I put her in your way to show you that you can not handle college and dating at the same time ( The semester started very rocky for me. I could not focus on schoolwork, and I am typically a straight A student. All I could think was her. It wasn't until she ended things that I turned things around. I will still end the semester with stupid B's because of how bad i started the semester.) Once you get your life together, I will show you the one".
But honestly, I refuse to believe that it was God saying that, I mean, come on. It's just my mind going "cocoo". Or maybe that's what I wanted to believe in order to not blame myself for my mistakes on the dates. But I am better than that. I get to the root of the problem, and fix it.
Also, people all around me go to school and are able to date. I should be able to do the same. And finally, I don't really believe in "the one". I mean come on, that is scarcity mindset.
So, there is this girl (23F) at work and she flirted with me a lot over the past weeks. I (21M) flirted back and got the ball rolling. After flirting for about two weeks I heard from another coworker that she had a boyfriend back in Mexico, but they haven’t seen each other in a year. So I decided to ask her out on a date, just to make sure. She thought for like 10 seconds and I could see she was tempted to say yes, but she told me she had a boyfriend, but she wanted to talk later with me. She also said she doesn’t want for things to get weird between us. I simply told her it’s all good, and have a great day.
Instead of just cutting her off and stop talking to her like I usually do with other girls, I didn’t stop talking to her. Primarily because she kept talking to me. Also the rejection did not really sting. So I continued talking to her and demoted her in my mind to the friendship position. I like her personality, so I did not mind being friends with her.
After a couple of days she started flirting with me again, showing interest, always touching me. I didn’t really think much of it. Then this week not only did flirting go up, but she also started asking specific questions about me. On Tuesday we got cupcakes at work and I got one, but she didn’t because they were all gone. I saw that she was kinda sad, so I shared my cupcake with her. Not because I was interested in her, but because that’s what friends do. Instead of just taking the cupcake and walk away, she started blushing at me and told me I am a good person. I didn’t really understand what happened, so I just moved along.
Today she was flirting with me like usual, asking questions about me. When I asked her why she was asking all these specific questions, she said she wanted to know more about me. After work, my coworker told me that she told him that she broke up with her boyfriend because of distance.
So I am really confused.
Does she like me?
Is it possible that she broke up with her bf to try to be with me, or am I just tripping?
Who has a boyfriend she doesn't see for a year? That's really odd.
I am going to guess she is from Mexico. Hispanic women that I have known are not going to ask you out. That's on you, the man. But maybe she's questioning the wisdom of dating someone she works with. If there's a breakup you still have to see each other there and she needs the job. Or maybe she wants time to process the breakup before jumping in the pool again.
Sometime when the two of you are talking, ask her about her boyfriend. See if she tells you they've broken up. A question such as "what does your boyfriend do?"
Who has a boyfriend she doesn't see for a year? That's really odd.
I am going to guess she is from Mexico. Hispanic women that I have known are not going to ask you out. That's on you, the man. But maybe she's questioning the wisdom of dating someone she works with. If there's a breakup you still have to see each other there and she needs the job. Or maybe she wants time to process the breakup before jumping in the pool again.
Good luck!
Yes she is from Mexico and has been in the US for a year. And yes women in general won't ask out guys. The thing is I already asked her out. But at that time, she had a boyfriend. And most importantly, she does not know that I know that she broke up with her bf.
So I don't think asking her out again would be the right move. But I could be wrong.
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Does she still like me?
