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So, if a woman doesn't trust you enough--trust you to the point that after having sex you won't bail on her, or trust you enough to believe that you're not carrying some STD...or trust you enough that you're not some criminal who's hiding a shady past...or that you're not having sex with other women...or that you may have some other deal-breaker, she has trust "issues"?
Seriously, no. Some women prefer to know something about WHO they're allowing 'into' their body. And a few dates, just may not be revealing enough.
Many people already know that quite a number of people put their best foot forward on the first few dates. Little by little, the 'mask' starts to slip. And when it does, those women are often grateful that they didn't sleep with *him*.
If you’re overly suspicious being overly protective of yourself. That is your choice. It’s a 2 way street, as a man I have to be careful of whom I also sleep with. I find a lot of differences and dissatisfaction even after a few intimate dates. It becomes tricky to back out of a relationship that I find issues with the woman’s body or habits after she let her guard down. This is why as consenting adults we need to vet these issues quickly before deeper emotional entanglement.
What you’re advocating for requires both party to buy into each other and form the emotional connection before you get physical. That’s how some guys get salty when they realize the sex wasn’t enough and they feel they need to cheat or break off.
Sexual compatibility is a huge deal breaker. I’ve had real hot looking women that just wasn’t what I expected in bed.
If you’re overly suspicious being overly protective of yourself. That is your choice. It’s a 2 way street, as a man I have to be careful of whom I also sleep with. I find a lot of differences and dissatisfaction even after a few intimate dates. It becomes tricky to back out of a relationship that I find issues with the woman’s body or habits after she let her guard down. This is why as consenting adults we need to vet these issues quickly before deeper emotional entanglement.
What you’re advocating for requires both party to buy into each other and form the emotional connection before you get physical. That’s how some guys get salty when they realize the sex wasn’t enough and they feel they need to cheat or break off.
Sexual compatibility is a huge deal breaker. I’ve had real hot looking women that just wasn’t what I expected in bed.
But she didn't really say that, though. She didn't so much talk about forming this massive emotional bond, or serious commitment, as just feeling like you've taken the time to...KNOW someone.
Obviously this is going to depend on how you meet this person, too. But with so much dating starting online, if I've been in the same room with somebody like three times, they're still a stranger. I've known cashiers at stores better than that!
I'm not saying that I've never gone to bed with someone on somewhat short acquaintance, I have...but even when the sex was awesome, it didn't pan out as well as the one where we took it a bit slower. We didn't have to wait until we were both deeply invested and planning a future, but I do think that it helped that we took the time to get to know each other somewhat better.
I don't think I could continue to date someone who was more willing to spend time breaking in a new pair of shoes than in getting to know me before jumping into bed.
But she didn't really say that, though. She didn't so much talk about forming this massive emotional bond, or serious commitment, as just feeling like you've taken the time to...KNOW someone.
Obviously this is going to depend on how you meet this person, too. But with so much dating starting online, if I've been in the same room with somebody like three times, they're still a stranger. I've known cashiers at stores better than that!
I'm not saying that I've never gone to bed with someone on somewhat short acquaintance, I have...but even when the sex was awesome, it didn't pan out as well as the one where we took it a bit slower. We didn't have to wait until we were both deeply invested and planning a future, but I do think that it helped that we took the time to get to know each other somewhat better.
The amount of time varies depending on what you're going for and are open to. As most adults we need to establish some type of connection before we can get closer. The good/bad thing about online dating is you sort of addressed the dating rules before you meet. You can create the connection and excitement then the real meeting established some of the unknowns. If you're into traditional dating you make that known and tell the other person what you are open to then you go from there. You both make the rules. I've had women that tells me it takes time for them to connect physically. Then on the 2nd date she already wanted sex. So I don't really care what someone says about their intimacy restrictions, we'll see after 1-2 dates if we can hit it off.
I was thinking about this a little, last night after I had posted. And really, I'm not sure that it's "moving too fast" with regard to sex that carries the negatives, the risks, so much as moving too fast with regard to emotion. I suspect that's been the issue that causes the mismatches and failures more often.
And I've always found it to be a pernicious myth that women are the ones who always insta-bond hormonally and automatically after sex...because I know guys who get wayyy too invested in ideas of possessiveness and future planning and expectations, very quickly. And definitely right after sex. I suspect it's an "anxious attachment" thing. I've run into men who just seem desperate for love, and they will project this idealized fantasy on women they barely know.
Plenty of women will say that they hold off on sex because they know that they will feel emotional bonding immediately after, so they want to feel "safe" that a guy wants something more lasting, before they even go there. But the men who behave in the way I described, don't do that...they assume that if a woman says yes to sex, then he should have some sort of entitlement to commitment from her, if HE wants one. That whole, "women the gatekeepers of sex; men the gatekeepers of relationships" trope. It's a bad assumption to make, though. Because not every woman will automatically want a man to stick around forever just because they had sex, it shouldn't be taken for granted that he's stamped her with his mark of ownership or something.
Hell, my younger son, who has a lot of mental and emotional issues, does this desperate grasping at a bond with any girl who gives him the time of day. His father did the same sort of thing. I wonder if this is what happens with a guy who grows up with trauma from his father and lots of unconditional love and safety from his mother. A "momma's boy" problem? Or possibly they just share a hereditary mental illness as my son's therapists have surmised. Whatever the case though, I have strongly advised him to stop trying to rush at women to meet his emotional needs, to slow down and work on self improvement and healing, and when he's ready, to take things more slowly.
Fact is...people often regret impulsive decisions, for one reason or another. This should not be any sort of a shocking plot twist to any adult who has been living life for a while.
I am sure this has been covered before, but I asking for a friend (literally). A buddy of mine started dating a new women and has gone on six amazing dates that included meaningful and deep conversations (in his own words). It sounds like there has only been light kissing at the end of the dates even after them seeing each other for over a month. He wants to be intimate, but it seems obvious she doesn't. I warned my buddy that at some point this is going to get very frustrating for him, but I think he is just happy that he found someone to more or less hang out with. Is this a red flag? I know every situation is different, but from my own experience getting intimate seems to happen after 2-4 dates and within 2-3 weeks.
most women want men to take control and lead them into the bedroom to fall on the peen. they dont want the label of being a **** so the man usually has to be the initiator or else nothing will progress.
Literal hours…
If you’ve spent over 24 hours together and haven’t kissed, it’s because you’re just friends.
If you’ve spent over 72 hours together and haven’t felt boob or butt, it’s because she’s not attracted to you.
If you’ve spent over 250 hours together and haven’t had sex, it’s because you’re both waiting for marriage.
Literal hours…
If you’ve spent over 24 hours together and haven’t kissed, it’s because you’re just friends.
If you’ve spent over 72 hours together and haven’t felt boob or butt, it’s because she’s not attracted to you.
If you’ve spent over 250 hours together and haven’t had sex, it’s because you’re both waiting for marriage.
Oh, yeah, sounds like you've really gotten it down - lots of experience, have you? Or is it really just a sulf-fulfilling prophecy? I mean, if you "fail" to "hit" any of these important milestones you dump her immediately...so you don't ever find out if it might have worked out, despite your rules being broken.
You're always right (as far as you know) so you just keep doing the same thing, completely oblivious that there might be exceptions or even a whole other way of thinking that lead to a great conclusion.
...but, at least you didn't waste your time on somebody who wasn't gonna give you anything (well, maybe if you'd only given it one more date!).
The answer is simple.....when both people are ready for it.
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