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Now I know a lot of you are going to respond with "well then she didn't like you to begin with." But I guess the question that I'm trying to ask is what good is the "give her space" advice then??
When she "asks for space" it's because she's monkey branching to another dude. Already has one or more ready. So your initial subject statement was right. Women have to move fast when they're done with you, it'a a survival mechanism. I question if a woman is ever truly single.
When a guy "just needs space" maybe he does. Often as not he needs to think it over. Or she pressures him and he caves due to scarcity mindset.
Oh, she DID like you to begin with. Just tack "...right now" on the end of every sentence, it'll all make more sense. Women reserve the right to change their minds regardless of any oaths / promises / swearing before (some deity) and other nonsense. They don't think like men, see "evolutionary imperatives" above. The sooner guys unplug from lies like that the better.
"Give her space" should be your signal for "I'm out of here," bottom line.
This is a serious problem everywhere. Women for the most part are now people. They see something, they have to have it now. I am 52 years old, see women alone that are very attractive in the grocery store, thrift stores, while buying gas, you name it. One very big obstacle is women and safety, in this day and age women are freightened by men just walking up and talking, they fear being robbed, raped or stalked, so most times they are short with the guy not saying much and so I personally just stopped trying to talk to women all together, and if I do its with someone else around to make them feel safe. Even just trying to make friends alarms females sometimes and as a male I don’t enjoy being considered a creep before the woman gets to know me. If the man has ever had any type complaint in the past, his future being comfortable around females is probably over, never trusting them again. It doesn’t matter if it was just once, and I know all women are not the same but that really doesn’t matter, mostly because the male sees the females all the same and trust none of them. Maybe someone they’ve known a long time would be trusted but not strangers or people that isn’t known well. We all at one time or another have had our feelings hurt, been laughed at, something that changed us inside, and once that occurs with the opposite sex it can change someone and how they communicate in the future. As an older adult I see very attractive females while I am out but most likely they are already in a relationship, and some are much younger in their 20’s or 30’s, but what in the world would they be interested in a 52 year old for? They wouldn’t, and I assume they would be freightened by just making conversation so I usually don’t talk and try to stay away from them all together. If your not around they won’t feel uncomfortable! One thing is almost certain, Most if not all younger females are not interested in older men, maybe a handful are, but it is rare! I forgot what this topic was about so I’ll shut up now Hahaha!
Haha! Thanks, Hokie, for noticing that we're people. But I must say, there are men in your age bracket who do manage to chat up women at the grocery store, pharmacy, gas station, etc. not only without scaring them, but actually managing to interest them, or at least, share a laugh and an pleasant exchange.
And btw, I don't "freighten" easily. I am not freight. Thanks, and ....
I think its basically a way to let someone down gently but unfortunately it leaves them with hope things won't end. It is also a way for someone (man or woman) to play the field somemore because they are unsure if they're with the person they want to be with forever. Sometimes they come back not very often. If they came back its only because they wanted a different person but couldn't find one so came back because they don't want to be alone.
Now I know a lot of you are going to respond with "well then she didn't like you to begin with." But I guess the question that I'm trying to ask is what good is the "give her space" advice then??
She is letting you down more softly than outright saying "I don't want to see you anymore". It's likely she has experienced rejection herself and knows how it hurts.
It's called doing the right thing. If you don't give her space to make her own decisions, you are being, well, a non quality person and she will be gone anyway.
Or be a good person.
Your choice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by free-thinker 93555
Then that basically defeats the point of any single man looking for a commitment right? lol I could be wrong.
Huh? In what way?
If a single man is commitment minded, he should be looking for a single woman who is also commitment minded. But even if both the man and woman are commitment minded, it doesn't mean the relationship is automatically going to work out.
In his mind, she might be perfect for him. But in her mind, he may not be so perfect for her. BOTH people have to be on the same page, or else it's not going to work.
Now I know a lot of you are going to respond with "well then she didn't like you to begin with." But I guess the question that I'm trying to ask is what good is the "give her space" advice then??
There isn't any good to such advice. (Other than the advisable approach to never be smothering from the beginning).
In my experience 100% of the time, if a woman likes you she does, if she doesn't she doesn't. If you engage with her and she sours and dips to lukewarm (let's say '50% interest') or lower, you can't get it back. Not now, not ever. You just have to be the best you you can be and let the chips fall where they may. The sooner you learn that the less time and energy you'll waste, and the less heartache and grey hair you'll have.
Even if you play hardball with a flaky woman and ignore her, she may come back to you, but often it's just to get validation and be satisfied that she can still control your attention (especially very good-looking women with big egos/NPD), there's still no real long-term potential; you'll be fighting a losing battle. If I'm going to commit to a woman I want it to be fun, easy, and natural; not a constant power struggle / effort to persuade. If you don't have good sexual chemistry you will be faced with the latter situation, which to me would be hellish.
Yes there are some exceptions maybe with very young women in particular who 'don't know what they want' etc, but my advice is true the vast majority of the time.
This is a serious problem everywhere. Women for the most part are now people. They see something, they have to have it now. I am 52 years old, see women alone that are very attractive in the grocery store, thrift stores, while buying gas, you name it. One very big obstacle is women and safety, in this day and age women are freightened by men just walking up and talking, they fear being robbed, raped or stalked, so most times they are short with the guy not saying much and so I personally just stopped trying to talk to women all together, and if I do its with someone else around to make them feel safe. Even just trying to make friends alarms females sometimes and as a male I don’t enjoy being considered a creep before the woman gets to know me. If the man has ever had any type complaint in the past, his future being comfortable around females is probably over, never trusting them again. It doesn’t matter if it was just once, and I know all women are not the same but that really doesn’t matter, mostly because the male sees the females all the same and trust none of them. Maybe someone they’ve known a long time would be trusted but not strangers or people that isn’t known well. We all at one time or another have had our feelings hurt, been laughed at, something that changed us inside, and once that occurs with the opposite sex it can change someone and how they communicate in the future. As an older adult I see very attractive females while I am out but most likely they are already in a relationship, and some are much younger in their 20’s or 30’s, but what in the world would they be interested in a 52 year old for? They wouldn’t, and I assume they would be freightened by just making conversation so I usually don’t talk and try to stay away from them all together. If your not around they won’t feel uncomfortable! One thing is almost certain, Most if not all younger females are not interested in older men, maybe a handful are, but it is rare! I forgot what this topic was about so I’ll shut up now Hahaha!
What does this rant have to do with the original post?
OP - are you overly possessive or clingy to the point of irritation? Sometimes needing space is exactly that. Needing some space, free time, time alone, etc.
This completely depends on the context of the situation.
If this is a woman in your social circle, and you are being timid about letting her know of your interest, and you think that giving her "space" will ensure that she chooses you in time... She doesn't even know that you are into her. You are not, therefore, on her radar. Let her know of your interest, make sure she's received the message, and THEN give her space. If she does not encourage you in any way, and ends up choosing another guy, then nothing you could do was going to get her to date you anyways. She just wasn't feelin' it for you. Take that with grace and turn your attentions elsewhere.
If it's someone that you're dating, or in a long term relationship with, then you have to look at the situation, and have some self awareness. Go google around until you find information on "anxious attachment." If you feel or act in the ways described, then someone saying that they need space, might very well be telling you that you are stifling them and they may actually in fact just need some space. Like, my husband and I have our own bedrooms, we both like having some space. But we still spend quality time together every evening before we go to sleep. But if someone needs more space than that, like...more than a room to call their own or time to pursue their own interests, but like SERIOUS space...there can be a threshold where indeed they are telling you in a roundabout and "attempting an easy let down" way that they don't actually want to be with you.
In which case...they probably thought you understood the message, and they've moved on and that's why they are with someone else now. Sorry, if that has happened to you. I do think that people should at least give a partner a chance to change their behavior, let them know what is wrong, before they break it off. Of course, sometimes, a woman does this and the man just refuses to hear it. I've had a problem myself where I am a pretty calm person, so I will sit down and frankly tell a man if I have an issue with the relationship, and I expect him to hear me and want to work on it, and to also be able to calmly tell me if he's got a problem with the relationship. But I swear, given I told one ex a hundred times about the various issues we were having and all, but he still felt "blindsided" when I ended it...it's like maybe since I was not screaming at him while throwing stuff or trying to kill him, he thought I wasn't actually that upset?
So yeah, I'm curious, the way you phrased your post wasn't totally clear, is this in terms of women you are dating, or women you are trying to date?
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Hahaha!
In what way? 
