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I’ve been with my bf for a little over 2 years now. Whenever we first started dating, we smoked frequently..like at least 2-3 times a day. I’m someone who usually enjoys smoking because it puts me in a carefree mood and really allows me to decompress after a long day. However, over the years, I’ve noticed that smoking has caused me to be way more paranoid and anxious. On top of all of that, it has caused me to become quite lazy which has resulted in my gaining weight. I’ve taken a long hard look at myself and realized that I can’t smoke every day because it’s starting to hinder my growth, imo. I have a good job so it’s not like I’m 100% stagnant but I know that if I significantly decrease the amount that I smoke, I can get more stuff done.
That said, I’ve tried to go on several weed breaks with my boyfriend in the past and we have failed nearly all of them. My boyfriend likes to smoke as well and refuses to acknowledge the ways in which weed has made him kind of lazy. He’s not a bum by no means, he has a good job and a lot going for him. However, he has a big certification that he needs to take for his career, he was suppose to take it almost 2 years ago but he’s been putting it off. It’s a pretty difficult test so I understand that he might be nervous but he hasn’t made one attempt to even sit for the test.
I’m usually the one that tries to initiate our weed breaks but recently I just decided to do it by myself so my boyfriend didn’t feel like I was making him do it. I told him that I was taking a 30 day break to clear my head. At first he said he didn’t plan on stopping but after the 2nd day, he said that he would join me on the 30 day fast. Again, I didn’t ask him to do it with me. He said that he would use to 30 days to focus more on studying for his exam.
During our fast, we will usually get a CBD pen in order to curb our weed craving so he picked up one after work on day. About two weeks into the fast, I noticed that he smelled like weed smoke and he told me that it was some CBD flower that he has purchased. He promised me that he wasn’t smoking weed. A few days later, he leaves his phone on the bar and I noticed that he got a notification from his weed guy where he was trying to meet up with him in the next hour.
I didn’t say anything about the text for a few days. I wasn’t mad, just a little disappointed that he couldn’t just tell me that he wanted to break the fast. I wouldn’t have been pissed or anything because I didn’t even ask him to do the fast with me this time. Plus, he hasn’t even brought his study materials home to study for his exam.
I know this is his life and I am not trying to dictate his life or be controlling but the fact that he wasn’t honest about the situation really bothers me. Whenever I confronted him about it, he could barely say anything. He has barely spoken to me since I mentioned it to him. I guess he’s ashamed that I caught him in a lie .I’m sitting here trying to figure out if I am overreacting or not.
You want to cut down or quit using weed and he doesn't. He half-heartedly agreed to join your "break" but then you found out he was still using.
Don't rely on him to do what YOU want to do. If his using is incompatible with your change in mood about weed then that's a relationship issue. He can do whatever he wants - he's an adult. You can do whatever you want - but you can't control him, as you can see now!
It's making him lose motivation and you too, but you are seeing that and he can't. You need to make some major decisions about the relationship. You can let weed (and him) hold you back or you can move on. It's not an easy thing to do but it sounds like you've outgrown him and he may not be able to catch up. You can keep waiting around for him, and likely backslide yourself or you can be honest and take steps to move on without him - up to you.
He needs to talk to you and come clean. Maybe he is afraid because he believes you may be moving away from the weed lifestyle and he could lose you. So he lied and now he is scared to confront the issue.
Using any kind of drug can allow us to put tough issues to the side while we feel good and that isn't any way to move forward in life.
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Can't make someone quit if they don't want to. As far as the laziness is concerned, different strains have different effects. I know there are sativa and indica, probably others as well. One gives you a full body high while one gives you more of a head high. When I used to smoke I would take the kind that gave you a head high when I was looking to be active, like going on a hike or doing yard work. It worked great. Total zen when mowing the lawn lol. It's been many years so I can't remember which strain has which effect though. You'll have to research that.
You want to cut down or quit using weed and he doesn't. He half-heartedly agreed to join your "break" but then you found out he was still using.
Don't rely on him to do what YOU want to do. If his using is incompatible with your change in mood about weed then that's a relationship issue. He can do whatever he wants - he's an adult. You can do whatever you want - but you can't control him, as you can see now!
It's making him lose motivation and you too, but you are seeing that and he can't. You need to make some major decisions about the relationship. You can let weed (and him) hold you back or you can move on. It's not an easy thing to do but it sounds like you've outgrown him and he may not be able to catch up. You can keep waiting around for him, and likely backslide yourself or you can be honest and take steps to move on without him - up to you.
I get it but like I said, I did not ask him to join me at all. I even told him that he did not have to do it with me. I realized a long time ago that I can’t control what he does so I don’t try to but it’s so disappointing to know that he offered to do the fast with me himself and went behind my back to smoke when he could’ve just been honest.
The problem is much deeper than whether or not he broke the fast. The problem is addiction.
If you plan on going back to smoking it doesn't matter if he goes back to smoking sooner. If you are planning on stopping and his smoking keeps tempting you back to smoking that is a problem.
Can you be happy with him and his lack of ambition with regards to studying, etc.? If he never gets his certification how will it affect your relationship? Can you join a support group to help you keep from going back to be smoking?
Yes, he should have told you he was going back to smoking, but why didn't he? That's something to look at.
I’ve been with my bf for a little over 2 years now. Whenever we first started dating, we smoked frequently..like at least 2-3 times a day. I’m someone who usually enjoys smoking because it puts me in a carefree mood and really allows me to decompress after a long day. However, over the years, I’ve noticed that smoking has caused me to be way more paranoid and anxious. On top of all of that, it has caused me to become quite lazy which has resulted in my gaining weight. I’ve taken a long hard look at myself and realized that I can’t smoke every day because it’s starting to hinder my growth, imo. I have a good job so it’s not like I’m 100% stagnant but I know that if I significantly decrease the amount that I smoke, I can get more stuff done.
That said, I’ve tried to go on several weed breaks with my boyfriend in the past and we have failed nearly all of them. My boyfriend likes to smoke as well and refuses to acknowledge the ways in which weed has made him kind of lazy. He’s not a bum by no means, he has a good job and a lot going for him. However, he has a big certification that he needs to take for his career, he was suppose to take it almost 2 years ago but he’s been putting it off. It’s a pretty difficult test so I understand that he might be nervous but he hasn’t made one attempt to even sit for the test.
I’m usually the one that tries to initiate our weed breaks but recently I just decided to do it by myself so my boyfriend didn’t feel like I was making him do it. I told him that I was taking a 30 day break to clear my head. At first he said he didn’t plan on stopping but after the 2nd day, he said that he would join me on the 30 day fast. Again, I didn’t ask him to do it with me. He said that he would use to 30 days to focus more on studying for his exam.
During our fast, we will usually get a CBD pen in order to curb our weed craving so he picked up one after work on day. About two weeks into the fast, I noticed that he smelled like weed smoke and he told me that it was some CBD flower that he has purchased. He promised me that he wasn’t smoking weed. A few days later, he leaves his phone on the bar and I noticed that he got a notification from his weed guy where he was trying to meet up with him in the next hour.
I didn’t say anything about the text for a few days. I wasn’t mad, just a little disappointed that he couldn’t just tell me that he wanted to break the fast. I wouldn’t have been pissed or anything because I didn’t even ask him to do the fast with me this time. Plus, he hasn’t even brought his study materials home to study for his exam.
I know this is his life and I am not trying to dictate his life or be controlling but the fact that he wasn’t honest about the situation really bothers me. Whenever I confronted him about it, he could barely say anything. He has barely spoken to me since I mentioned it to him. I guess he’s ashamed that I caught him in a lie .I’m sitting here trying to figure out if I am overreacting or not.
Your question is "Should you forgive him."
Well, IMO, yes, you should. Both of you have tried and failed more than once to stop smoking, and take weed breaks. In your own words, both of you have failed most of the time. So, you KNOW how hard it is for both of you...why be surprised that he failed, yet again. You both know how hard it is to stop.
He tried, he failed. You've tried and failed. You think he's proud that he couldn't stay strong? Would YOU want to be forgiven?
Well, IMO, yes, you should. Both of you have tried and failed more than once to stop smoking, and take weed breaks. In your own words, both of you have failed most of the time. So, you KNOW how hard it is for both of you...why be surprised that he failed, yet again. You both know how hard it is to stop.
He tried, he failed. You've tried and failed. You think he's proud that he couldn't stay strong? Would YOU want to be forgiven?
Yes but there is no reason for him to lie at all. I didn’t even ask him to do the fast with me.
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