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I know too many people who have split up because of one partner's inability to discuss or handle problems. I wonder the percentage of people who are like this. It isn't just personal issues but problems with work or finances, etc. They shut down or avoid instead of facing the issues and I don't see how people can live like this. Things that require immediate attention are met with anger or denial. Why is it so hard to sit down and deal with a problem?
I know too many people who have split up because of one partner's inability to discuss or handle problems. I wonder the percentage of people who are like this. It isn't just personal issues but problems with work or finances, etc. They shut down or avoid instead of facing the issues and I don't see how people can live like this. Things that require immediate attention are met with anger or denial. Why is it so hard to sit down and deal with a problem?
I doubt you could get anything other than anecdotal info or conjecture about this, so have to think you are asking if anyone on the forum has seen this. I imagine we all have, especially the younger ones. It seems to me that our younger generations lack the capacity to handle adversity.
I will point out that not discussing a problem is not the same as inability to discuss a problem; nor is it not handling a problem. There are talkers, and there are those that don't like to talk about things. If you press a person to talk when talking isn't their "thing" they will get angry. That doesn't mean denial.
I sense from reading your post that you are a talker, and you are frustrated by a partner who is not, and you've been "poking the bear" too often. That person may not see the issue as a problem; that does not mean they are denying it. It just means they are not bothered by it.
I suspect, if this is you and your partner, you might want to talk with a couple's counselor, without your partner. You might have an unwillingness to accept others as they are, or you may be mismatched.
It's really more of a spectrum and everybody has a tipping point.
That said, from reading the posts at CD Forum, the tipping point is pretty low for most people, meaning relatively simple things stress them out.
Like ... the thought of having to be an Uber Driver would make them put a bullet in their head or something like that. The thought of retiring without a half a million dollars is catastrophic, etc...
1st world self imposed stress.
I've known people who have faced foreclosure, bankruptcy, losing infants to death, etc, etc. Seen a lot.
Putting things in perspective is something I need to work on myself. In a way I think facing true adversity young lets you put things in perspective later. But many people lead sheltered lives and then face adversity in middle age.
Other people will be people and it shows all over the place now in break ups, divorces and the just throw it away me me me and next mentality, dk what you can do about that though.
Buttttt, you can try to make sure it's not like that in your own relationship though.
I know too many people who have split up because of one partner's inability to discuss or handle problems. I wonder the percentage of people who are like this. It isn't just personal issues but problems with work or finances, etc. They shut down or avoid instead of facing the issues and I don't see how people can live like this. Things that require immediate attention are met with anger or denial. Why is it so hard to sit down and deal with a problem?
There might be too much to unravel or lifestyle choices that need to be undone and then replaced. Problem solving is best when things are noticed early on. Communication of the problem is the next hurdle. Sometimes pointing out that it is a habit can cause defensiveness. So the solution is to handle the problem as an isolated incident. That can tire a person down when the problem is a pattern.
It's really more of a spectrum and everybody has a tipping point.
That said, from reading the posts at CD Forum, the tipping point is pretty low for most people, meaning relatively simple things stress them out.
Like ... the thought of having to be an Uber Driver would make them put a bullet in their head or something like that. The thought of retiring without a half a million dollars is catastrophic, etc...
1st world self imposed stress.
I've known people who have faced foreclosure, bankruptcy, losing infants to death, etc, etc. Seen a lot.
Putting things in perspective is something I need to work on myself. In a way I think facing true adversity young lets you put things in perspective later. But many people lead sheltered lives and then face adversity in middle age.
This can apply to everyday issues but I'm thinking mostly of big problems like illness, serious money problems, etc. I see so many things that get out of hand because one party didn't communicate or take any action - basically head in the sand doing nothing then it all blows up.
I wonder how common it is because it I've seen it a lot and experienced it also.
I know too many people who have split up because of one partner's inability to discuss or handle problems. I wonder the percentage of people who are like this. It isn't just personal issues but problems with work or finances, etc. They shut down or avoid instead of facing the issues and I don't see how people can live like this. Things that require immediate attention are met with anger or denial. Why is it so hard to sit down and deal with a problem?
People can't live like that, which is why those couples break up. You can't always know and observe in advance another person's character issues before you get into a relationship; sometimes the only way you can find out they don't have good coping skills is when a stressful situation or crisis arises. And it's likely that at least some of the couples you've observed got together without taking much time to get to know each other well in the first place.
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