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Old 12-07-2022, 02:45 PM
 
5 posts, read 3,265 times
Reputation: 10

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Okay, so to explain a bit further, I'm going to give as much detail as possible since I am unsure if I was reading too far into things, if others would have a similar reaction to myself or if I am just totally crazy. (So sorry for this long-ass story but I'm racking my brain here.)

TLDR; Matched with a guy on tinder about 2 and 1/2 weeks ago, first week lots of flirting lots of communication, hung out two days in a row, kissed, both claimed to have a great time. Suddenly a day later, immediately cold, no more flirting. Asked if he was interested, claimed yes but continued in that pattern. Finally messaged him saying the dynamic changed, if it didnt click thats okay but i didnt want to be confused and waste the energy trying to make a connection for friends or more if I didn't need to. Too early into meeting someone for that kind of miscommunication/understanding. He hasnt replied since in over a day. Am I just crazy and over reacted or was he avoiding communicating to me and possibly leaving me hanging?

LONG STORY:
I matched on Tinder with a guy middle/later November. The day we matched we started talking and it clicked really well. I just got out of an 8 year relationship late March this year and he stated he was a couple of months out of a toxic 'situationship'. We both discussed how we weren't opposed to casual hookups, FWB or more if it felt right. He stated he was on there to meet someone, we both talked about how communication is so important through out any of those so everyone understands what's up. Decided to continue conversation over on Snapchat.
We snapped through out the day back and forth every day that week, simple flirting calling each other cute and the cheesy 'No you're way cuter!' kind of deal, nothing sexual no nudes or anything like that. Come the weekend he asked me if I wanted to hang out, and I said for sure. We just spent the night with his roommate watching movies and goofing off, laughing. No physical contact aside from the occasional arm bump since we sat next to each other on the couch and a hug goodbye at the end. He messaged me while I was on my way home, he said he was really glad I came over and hes sorry he was so tired at the time(it was late) and he's just a nervous boy(I assume as to why there was no further connection?). He said he genuinely had a good time and hopes I did too and would love to hang out again sometime. I responded with likewise, said I would love to hang out again and had a great time.
The next day we continued to snap back and forth, flirty and same energy. Later that evening he snapped me saying he wanted to watch movies again and I said definitely me too, so he asked if I wanted to hang out and I said of course. I went over again, this time just he and I. We talked and joked around, listened to some music then put on a movie, we joked through out it and this time sat pretty close together, leaning on one another. Towards the end of the movie both of our arms had gotten progressively closer, so I just reached out and touched his forearm tattoo and asked about it, when I put my hand back on the couch he grabbed it and we held hands, caressed one another's arm, just a lot of gentle touching and stuff through out the rest of the movie and part way into the next. Half way through the second movie I looked over at him at some point and he kissed me. It was a nice kiss, hand on my face, etc. After that we just continued to sort of touch one another, arms and all that. Kissed again a bit later and then after that he was putting his head on my chest, we were cuddled up, rubbing my back, I did the same for him, played with his hair etc. We did that through out a third movie and finally I decided to head out because we were both falling asleep.
He messages me again saying he was really glad I came over to watch movies and he said he really enjoyed the kiss, called it 'addicting'. I said I was happy too and had a great time, that he was a great kisser etc. We snapped and messaged through out that day again up until late the next evening. He opened my last snap and didnt respond which was whatever since I was going to bed and assumed he was too. The next day I didnt receive a snap for a bit, I sent him one just saying hey and he sent me one back. An hour or so later I sent him a message of something I thought was funny and he opened it but never responded. I figured he was busy, later that evening sent a message saying hey hope your day went okay, ttyl! He responded a bit later saying it was rough and he was just exhausted and tired of work. I said sorry to hear that, thats always rough, if you need anything dont hesitate to reach out, talking, hang out or space. He opened it and didn't respond and I left it at that.
The next day was a similar situation, no snap and I didnt want to bombard him so I didnt send one, then he finally did and I responded and he did a few times and then I said hey if you don't have any plans this weekend would you want to hang out? He opened the snap and didnt respond until later in the evening, hours later. I felt a bit awkward about asking, he responded with "possibly! i have some plans with the roommate but hopefully soon." I was doing something and didnt have a chance to respond after I opened it. He sent me another snap of him in the car saying he had to take a friend to the urgent care, which I responded to both saying No big. Damn, that sucks! Sorry and he didnt respond that night.
The next day, similar situation, didnt snap me most of the day. Mind you this entire time when he is snapping me, he isn't flirty, he hasnt called me cute or complimented me once. He looked at every snap story even when he wasn't replying. I got concerned at the sudden hot to cold and finally decided to ask him late that evening, "Are you interested in me?" he said Yes of course, and when I didnt respond right away asked if I was interested in him, he said he knows hes been busy and not active on social. I told him I was and left it at that. The next day he messaged me a bit more often, but again no flirting. Same with the next day which was his day off. I messaged him a few times, we talked about gaming and random stuff. I replied to one of his snaps saying he looked very cute, and he just responded with a silly snap when prior he would sort of reciprocate. Told him hey at least you made it to your weekend, enjoy it! and he responded one last time and that was it.
Didn't message me until 11pm the next evening, just with a picture of himself, I replied a bit later and he continued to send some. I stopped responding after a bit because that's all it was and I was heading to bed. Next day similar situation, didn't message one another until way late in the evening, just a snap. He said he was drunk(at home), I joked with him a bit then sent him a goodnight message, to which he replied with a picture of him making a face. I said, "No? lol" he never responded.
Ending, I promise.. I sent him a message around 11AM the next day saying, "Hey, obviously the dynamic has changed for whatever reason. Sometimes it clicks and sometimes it doesnt and that's okay. We just met. But I also dont want to be confused and putting energy into the perspective of trying to make a connection, friends or more if I don't need to. It's too early into meeting someone for that kind of miscommunication/understanding." He opened it but never replied. He went and unmatched me from Tinder but kept me on Discord and snapchat and has viewed my snap stories from later that evening.
I'm just looking for clarification. Am I crazy? I know its way too early into meeting someone to have such a strong reaction but I felt silly flirting with him or trying to chat with him with little to no response and no reciprocation. I was open and fine with being friends if thats what it had dwindled too even though I was confused about the instant hot to cold even after he said he was interested. I feel silly for the message and wish I had just let it die out instead. I almost feel like reaching out as I had hoped for friendship of some kind but I think that'd just launch me further down the clingy/crazy girl from Tinder line.
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Old 12-07-2022, 02:54 PM
 
Location: a primitive state
11,401 posts, read 24,491,532 times
Reputation: 17514
Maybe he’s juggling several people at once? You probably shouldn’t ask much from anyone you don’t know well. Let it go.
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Old 12-07-2022, 03:12 PM
 
9,449 posts, read 8,425,925 times
Reputation: 19275
Here's my take.......

First - certain people (I'm one of them) despise the constant back and forth texting. It can get really old fast. It's really challenging to be flirty, funny, witty, etc. for days and days over hundreds of messages on end, it has to slow down at some point. And when you have someone like yourself who seems pushy, for lack of a better word, we start to back off a bit. It sounds like you both hit it off in person so I'm not sure why the need to constantly text is still there. Set a date and stick with it.

Second - The "Are you interested in me" text comes off as desperate and unattractive. Sorry to be so blunt but it is.

Third - This guy sounds like he's probably juggling several women simultaneously. No way to prove that, call it a hunch based on his short, spaced out text replies.

Fourth - Doesn't sound like there was a ton of chemistry anyway. If I'm alone on a couch with a woman and we're kissing and touching and really into each other, unless I just ran a marathon that day I'm not tapping out and leaving saying I'm tired. Could be he just wasn't into you. No shame in that, there is someone for everyone.
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Old 12-07-2022, 03:13 PM
 
880 posts, read 468,464 times
Reputation: 1058
Didn't read it all so could've missed something but on the gist l'd say he's interest just wasn't that high after all once you talked more and spent time together.
You know , you can still have a nice time with someone and like the person, but then seeing too with some time that it's also not going to be anything more for you though.
As for all the flirting stuff people always talk about, that stuff always seems so contrived when they haven't even figured out whether they're truly even interested or not yet. Like that it means nothing so early in , dunno why they even bother until they actually know .
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Old 12-07-2022, 03:25 PM
 
5 posts, read 3,265 times
Reputation: 10
Honestly I appreciate the bluntness. I prefer it that way, which I guess is why I jumped the gun and got nervous after his entire dynamic changed. When we were first talking I would typically reply with text to his snaps back and forth since I really don't typically like the back and forth pictures but he seemed to almost always reply with a snapchat/picture. I guess that's why when the slow down happened I was confused, since he was the one double texting or snapping me prior even if I didn't reply. It's been a long time since I've had to date anyone. I was with someone for nearly a decade. I asked because I didnt mind being just friends and cutting out the effort all together but I totally felt awkward about it after sending it, just trying to quell my anxiety.

Thanks for the reply! I do appreciate it.
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Old 12-07-2022, 05:37 PM
 
Location: South of Heaven
7,989 posts, read 3,519,178 times
Reputation: 11720
Isn't Tinder the "hook up" app? He got bored of you because you only kissed him, when he was looking for a quick lay.
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Old 12-07-2022, 05:42 PM
 
6,895 posts, read 4,914,965 times
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I was under the impression Tinder was just for hook ups, nothing else necessary.
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Old 12-07-2022, 05:55 PM
 
22,278 posts, read 21,773,388 times
Reputation: 54735
Why are you telling someone you barely know "if you need anything dont hesitate to reach out"?

That seems a little forced and assumptive.

Anyway you know the truth, he's not into you. Forget about all of it.
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Old 12-07-2022, 06:31 PM
 
29,530 posts, read 22,744,755 times
Reputation: 48264
He's just not into you in that way, move on and look at other dating websites if you want something more meaningful.

The more you continue to try and contact and to reach out to him, the more he will become annoyed.
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Old 12-07-2022, 10:15 PM
 
2,995 posts, read 1,668,867 times
Reputation: 7382
Probably someone else in the picture.

Luck of the draw. Sometimes it clicks, sometimes it doesn't.

I'm sorry you were disappointed.
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