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And to be fair, he did a form of flipping out himself. Just in a different manner. And believe me, you've seen nothing until you've been with someone like that for a few years. The courts are full of domestic violence situations due to an over-controlling domestic or romantic partner.
He started out great and very supportive. Telling me he loved me on the fourth date and saying shortly after that, he wanted to live together in a few months. I take care of my elderly dad so he said "I know you're a package deal, he can come live with us too." Which I thought was very sweet. Yes everything was super rushed but he told me he never felt this way about anyone and said he's not like anyone Ive ever met - in the sense that he's very loyal and goes out of his way to drive to me, which is an hour away and do a lot of other things for me like offer to help fix my car, buy me new shoes to hike with him, pays for mostly everything because he makes way more money than me, etc.
The controlling nit picky comments started happening like last week mostly.
Lots of red flags here already. Besides the opening post.
3 weeks in, and he was already controlling you and verbally abusing you. And you allowed it because of his "generosity." No. He was buying you. Love bombing you. Fixing your car, buying you (likely expensive) hiking shoes, etc. etc.
3 weeks in, and he was already controlling you and verbally abusing you. And you allowed it because of his "generosity." No. He was buying you. Love bombing you. Fixing your car, buying you (likely expensive) hiking shoes, etc. etc.
yeah. She is going to move in and then he will pull the rug under her feet.
yeah. She is going to move in and then he will pull the rug under her feet.
Will probably be another thread from the OP in a few months or so, asking if she should leave from her toxic situation.
Some people are drawn to dysfunctional relationships like that, either from childhood growing up or other such life experiences. They say all the right things, but they can't seem to remove themselves from it.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,581,461 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by selhars
Yeah, I'd get out. He's sounds potentially very scary to me. So get out now before he shows you how really crazy he can be.
IMO, both of them show red flags. Who “flips out†on a man she is dating after 3 weeks or a month…especially if he is showing signs of control & jealousy. I’d be too scared of somebody like that. The last thing I would do is be confrontational or go off. They don’t know each other that well. It could easily escalate.
edit: As a matter of fact, I’d tell him on the phone it’s over & keep it as subtle as possible.
Last edited by TashaPosh; 04-10-2023 at 05:28 PM..
My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 month. We are still getting to know each other. Last night we had our first "real fight" where we argued pretty intensely. Ive noticed a controlling & jealous side to him that I tend to ignore but last night it came to a head. We were sitting on the couch and I was on my phone, if anyone has an iPhone you know if you swipe left it'll have "memories" where it features a photo from like three years ago or something automatically.
It just so happens that a picture of my ex boyfriend and me from years ago came up. Out of my control. He saw that and I explained to him that its a feature on the iPhone. He said "How would you feel if a picture of me and my ex came up on my phone?" Ok fair enough but again I had no control over that. He asked me to delete the photo and even though I really liked the photo because it was of me from years ago when I was younger, I deleted it.
Then at dinner, he cooked us a pizza. He always eats at the table so I sat down with my plate of pizza while he was standing in the kitchen still, with his plate of pizza, and he was microwaving rice, chicken and broccoli on the side. I took a bite of my pizza and he said "Why cant you wait for me before you start eating?" Well in my head, he was microwaving something else and he had his pizza too. I guess its just a matter of being raised differently, maybe I'm in the wrong for not having dinner etiquette, I dont know but the way he said it was really rude and condescending almost in a scolding manner. He was two feet away from me, he could have taken a bite of his pizza too. The rice and broccoli was something he was eating on the side for himself, not me.
I said sorry and kinda laughed it off. We sat there eating together for awhile. Then I finished eating and bought my plate to the trash, he said "So you're not even gonna wait until I'm done eating?" Again, kinda rude but I guess I should have just sat there? I think there's a difference with how we were raised because he said he always ate dinner with his family at the table and I didn't grow up like that..I just dont like his condescending nit picking tone like I'm a dog or something.
He also scolds me whenever I say "oh my god" because he says its blasphemy. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells.
I think he's trying to assert dominance on me and its not going over very well. It made me so annoyed. I brushed it off and didn't say anything, just oops sorry you're right, my bad and sat back down. Then, he said "Babe I dont like your purse on the floor there. Put it on the shelf where I told you to put it." I ALWAYS keep it on the shelf he tells me to put it on. It was there because I was using it. It was against the wall, out of the way, next to the couch. I said "I can put my purse on the ground if I want to babe, please stop being difficult." We got into a fight about this for the next hour. I wasn't yelling but I raised my voice and was talking sternly and he did the same.
He literally makes the most ridiculous little things into huge issues. I said please stop making such a big deal about minutia. It doesn't even matter. Its so stupid to argue about my purse being on the floor! He said "It matters to me." He said he didn't like how I responded to him. I didn't like how he nit picks everything. It makes me feel uncomfortable!
We spent the rest of the night not talking on the couch and he gets up and goes to the bedroom, to go to sleep, without speaking to me. I walk into the room and I say, so we're not even going to make up? You're just gonna ignore me and go to bed? Another argument happened because he said I was starting sh*t again. No. I was trying to smooth things over actually. I refuse to be the only one who apologizes over something he started. He had the nerve to tell me that I started the fight. I said no, the little remarks you made all night that I chose to look past, built up and I couldn't take it anymore.
After dinner, he immediately got up and washed his dishes. He said I would appreciate it if you offered to help clean. There was literally one pan, and he was already washing it. There was no time for me to even get up and help him. He was already doing it!
My boundary was crossed and I blew up. Now I'm wondering if its my fault or his. He's making me feel like its my fault. Even on the drive home he said "This isn't going to work if you react that way again." I felt the same way honestly! He also said "There was nothing submissive about how you acted last night." He has this idea that its sexy when a woman is submissive, sorry but I'm not going to act submissive when I'm setting a boundary after being treated disrespectfully. Why is he making such a huge issue about little things?? Am I wrong? He has been acting more distant in text communications since I got home.
Wow, that's a lot of drama and BS for a whopping one month! This relationship isn't working. Move on. It's not your fault and it's not his fault. It just isn't working. He is definitely controlling and you lack manners. You don't seem at all compatible. Stop dramatizing, and start living peacefully. Move on from this and you will be glad you did. These arguments are many, but they are petty and useless. Better yourself from this drama.
Putting all the other controlling stuff to the side, it really is rude to start eating without the other person, then to get up when you are done but they are not. I mean...the point of "eating together" is to spend time together over a meal. Not just being concerned with your own self scarfing down the meal (which they prepared, btw) and moving on to something more interesting.
Sorry, pet peeve of mine. If someone is gracious enough to prepare a meal for me, I'm not going treat them as "the help" that is there to cook for my convenience and then finish their meal alone.
Even on the drive home he said "This isn't going to work if you react that way again."
Sometimes people will tell you the truth. This is one of those times. It isn't going to work because you're not insane and therefore will indeed react "that way" again, as you should.
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