Why do men work so hard to break down walls just to cheat (dating, girlfriend)

[MentallyTired]

Honest question to the guys? Why do y’all make a woman feel like she is the only one and work hard to make her love you and trust you just to cheat and care about the consequences?

[randomx]

l'm sorry op but tbh l don't relate to what your saying , that isn't something l'd do or push and rush. Our walls understandably take time because they're based and work on trust and trust has to be earned,seen, felt and that takes time,
And if he is genuinely interested in you and in a real relationship with you then he should understand that to and be fine with being patient, as in it might be mths , longer.

So l'd be guessing they must be in a hurry to get that trust and so then you into bed and so if he is in an almighty rush to break them down l'd actually take that as a warning if l was you and not take him seriously.

[MentallyTired]

We’ve been together for 7 years and it wasn’t until year 3 when we got custody of his kids did things start to change. Everything just became more stressful.
All the little disagreements or talks eventually turned into us both not addressing the situations correctly. That eventually led to a separation to better ourselves and there he did what he did. Granted we were not together but he did open the door while we were. Physically didn’t happen until later

[MentallyTired]

Thank you so much for reading, replying and sharing your thoughts! Truly appreciated!!

[Hankrigby]

Originally Posted by MentallyTired

We’ve been together for 7 years and it wasn’t until year 3 when we got custody of his kids did things start to change. Everything just became more stressful.
All the little disagreements or talks eventually turned into us both not addressing the situations correctly. That eventually led to a separation to better ourselves and there he did what he did. Granted we were not together but he did open the door while we were. Physically didn’t happen until later

This is something I also cannot relate to I've never cheated and my partner has never cheated either so it's not something I comprehend.

If it's your accidents too late to suggest couples therapy and if you weren't already doing that.

[MKTwet]

Too many intrusive dating sites that make dating super easy. Say you're checking out a gift item and suddenly a pop-up link to meeting young singles showed up. You see a profile in the ad for someone who is nearby you and you click and signup. That's how easy it is to get on a dating site vs traditional dating where a guy has to create an opportunity to find a mate. The opposite for women where they are used to men seeking their affection so they don't care about these dating sites unless they are seeking.

Men have been deprived of quick access to mating until the digital age. Where women don't have the same deprivation so less likely to cheat.

[randomx]

Originally Posted by MentallyTired

Honest question to the guys? Why do y’all make a woman feel like she is the only one and work hard to make her love you and trust you just to cheat and care about the consequences?

Sorry to hear about the rest now but as this alone made it sound like you were just talking about meeting new guys and coming across this stuff.
Anyway it sounds like unfortunately things started going down hill some yrs in and eventually it's wound up where it is now. Apart from everything else it really sounds like the relationship itself has also ran it's course tbh.

[Moonlight Drive]

You should rephrase your question to read "Why did my husband do this" instead of arbitrarily deciding that this is what all men do. Thinking like this is not a healthy mindset for you to have. It would be like me having a girlfriend that complains a lot and starting a thread with the subject, "Why are these darn women nagging us all the time"?

It's narrow minded and unproductive conversation, not to mention untrue.

[usayit]

Originally Posted by MentallyTired

Honest question to the guys? Why do y’all make a woman feel like she is the only one and work hard to make her love you and trust you just to cheat and care about the consequences?

Originally Posted by MentallyTired

We’ve been together for 7 years and it wasn’t until year 3 when we got custody of his kids did things start to change. Everything just became more stressful.
All the little disagreements or talks eventually turned into us both not addressing the situations correctly. That eventually led to a separation to better ourselves and there he did what he did. Granted we were not together but he did open the door while we were. Physically didn’t happen until later

Your man cheated. Don't imply that all men cheat. You were in separation. Did you discuss with him the boundaries and expectations in the separation? It is not uncommon for couples in separation to agree to date other people during the separation. So in your mind, he cheated but did he know that seeing others would be considered cheating? In a few sentences, there is no way to really know what is going on in your relationship and the problems.

Couples therapy is required here, not forum therapy.

I can give two bits on my thoughts as a general observation based on what I highlighted in your OP.

Many good men are raised instilled with the notion of the value of hard work and finding a purpose in life. They are not told to pursue happiness because life can be hard and unfair. If they find happiness through hard work and finding a purpose in life, then they are fortunate. Happiness isn't expected/entitled. Happiness is something you get through respect, work, and purpose. Most men will find it through their families. The family gives them the respect and purpose. Other men find it through their careers.

"Only women, children, and dogs are loved unconditionally. A man is only loved under the condition that he provides something." - Chris Rock.

This is so true from the perspective of these men. For them, respect and acknowledgment of the value they bring to the family is VERY important. What their spouse/partner says and how she shows appreciation is VERY important. Praising their man in public has a huge impact on a man. Similarly, a man can be beaten down emotionally if she degrades or nags him in public even if seemingly jokingly manner.

So while you two were together, he probably felt respected and valued. You were probably the "only one". Once he stopped getting the respect that he craves, that is when things maybe strayed. Separation not only solidified that notion but opened the door to seeking that respect from somewhere else.



Keep in mind, I'm talking from generality and my personal take from a male point of view. It is not intended to spark a gender debate. Yes... I know there are many bad men out there that don't fall into my point of view. Yes there are many good women that also command respect for the value they bring to their families. It is not intended to put down women.... just a different view.

[kygman]

OP, I bet if you think about it, there are women who do the same thing. If a man cheats, he's gotta have a woman to cheat with. Don't blame it all on men.