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Been casually seeing a guy for a while, we see each other pretty rarely...maybe once every month or two. It's really just a FWB type thing....we basically spend a day or evening together and have sex. I am perfectly fine with this arrangement as we are not compatible other than sexually. I believe I have made it perfectly clear that I am good with the way things are, yet every time he sees me or contacts me he starts off with these apologies and excuses for being out of touch, I always basically tell him there's no need to apologize and not to worry about it but he still always apologizes. Thing is, it's starting to get on my nerves....it's like he thinks I'm sitting waiting around for him to contact me which is the last thing I'm doing. So I'm not sure if he feels guilty (I don't know why he would), or he thinks I want an apology but either way I would really like him to stop, but don't know what else I can say?
Maybe he's an inexperienced FWBer. Or with past FWB he's gotten in trouble for not keeping in better touch and doesn't want to take chances.
Good point, didn't think of that...I'd think me reassuring him it's no big deal would be enough, he's also stated quite a few times that when he does reach out to me he's always doubting that I'll respond (although there have been a few times that I haven't responded but more often than not I do respond).
Been casually seeing a guy for a while, we see each other pretty rarely...maybe once every month or two. It's really just a FWB type thing....we basically spend a day or evening together and have sex. I am perfectly fine with this arrangement as we are not compatible other than sexually. I believe I have made it perfectly clear that I am good with the way things are, yet every time he sees me or contacts me he starts off with these apologies and excuses for being out of touch, I always basically tell him there's no need to apologize and not to worry about it but he still always apologizes. Thing is, it's starting to get on my nerves....it's like he thinks I'm sitting waiting around for him to contact me which is the last thing I'm doing. So I'm not sure if he feels guilty (I don't know why he would), or he thinks I want an apology but either way I would really like him to stop, but don't know what else I can say?
If you're not compatible, of course he's going to get on your nerves...lol
Been casually seeing a guy for a while, we see each other pretty rarely...maybe once every month or two. It's really just a FWB type thing....we basically spend a day or evening together and have sex. I am perfectly fine with this arrangement as we are not compatible other than sexually. I believe I have made it perfectly clear that I am good with the way things are, yet every time he sees me or contacts me he starts off with these apologies and excuses for being out of touch, I always basically tell him there's no need to apologize and not to worry about it but he still always apologizes. Thing is, it's starting to get on my nerves....it's like he thinks I'm sitting waiting around for him to contact me which is the last thing I'm doing. So I'm not sure if he feels guilty (I don't know why he would), or he thinks I want an apology but either way I would really like him to stop, but don't know what else I can say?
Say this:
"I really wish you would stop apologizing to me for times that you've been busy. I'm very busy myself and am not always going to be available either. No more apologies, OK?"
He's apologizing because he feels there's something to apologize for.
I kinda fall in line with @tamajane .. But I was thinking maybe he's either not comfortable with this being a FWB situation or thinks this is more than a FWB situation... The other options are still possibilities, though.
I'd say.. Frank discussion. Tell him (More politely than I'm typing this) that you're tired of the constant apologies, and that there's nothing that he needs to apologize for and.. Explain what you feel the relationship is.
If he's thinking it's more than what you think.. That's.. A problem. Make sure you're on the same page, because.. If he DOES think it's more than you do.. It's really only fair to be.. Clear about the situation. Once you're sure he understands how things are, and if he's still OK with it.. And that you've said because of what the relationship is, apologies are not needed/wanted/required.. Hopefully.. It'll stop.
"I really wish you would stop apologizing to me for times that you've been busy. I'm very busy myself and am not always going to be available either. No more apologies, OK?"
If that doesn't work, then find a new FWB
I think this nails it.
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He's apologizing because he feels there's something to apologize for.
I kinda fall in line with @tamajane .. But I was thinking maybe he's either not comfortable with this being a FWB situation or thinks this is more than a FWB situation... The other options are still possibilities, though.
I'd say.. Frank discussion. Tell him (More politely than I'm typing this) that you're tired of the constant apologies, and that there's nothing that he needs to apologize for and.. Explain what you feel the relationship is.
If he's thinking it's more than what you think.. That's.. A problem. Make sure you're on the same page, because.. If he DOES think it's more than you do.. It's really only fair to be.. Clear about the situation. Once you're sure he understands how things are, and if he's still OK with it.. And that you've said because of what the relationship is, apologies are not needed/wanted/required.. Hopefully.. It'll stop.
I'm pretty positive that's not it. He contacts me on average maybe once a month (if that) and it's just to see me, that's not consistent with someone who thinks this more than a FWB. Plus when we do see each other it's mainly centered around sex, I mean yes we go out and do other things but most of our interactions center around sex....so I'm pretty sure we are on the same page in terms of what this is. He has even told me--in not so many words--he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now.
Some individuals who have a tendency to constantly check on others and apologize grew up in a household that was seemingly unstable. As a child, they develop a heightened awareness of the state/temperament of those around them and constantly think of ways to avoid conflict. Think of a child with an overbearing father with a bad/explosive temper. The child is going to develop a heightened sense towards that father; constantly walking on eggshells around him. This becomes something they do automatically/naturally as they enter into adulthood. They'll do whatever it takes not to upset others around them.
Some individuals who have a tendency to constantly check on others and apologize grew up in a household that was seemingly unstable. As a child, they develop a heightened awareness of the state/temperament of those around them and constantly think of ways to avoid conflict. Think of a child with an overbearing father with a bad/explosive temper. The child is going to develop a heightened sense towards that father; constantly walking on eggshells around him. This becomes something they do automatically/naturally as they enter into adulthood. They'll do whatever it takes not to upset others around them.
I don't know much about his upbringing but I do know he is pretty close with his family. I have noticed that he does try to appease people a lot.
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