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A friend of mine met this nice guy. He’s 10 years her junior. Was married for 20 years or so until wife passed away, he took care of her. put his children thru college. Sounds great right? Well something’s not right to me. He rents a room because he can’t afford rent on his own. He does work a lot and has been at his job a long time. My friend is 67. She’s financially stable. But she’s head over heels for this guy. I told her something doesn’t add up. She wouldn’t hear it. Now she’s talking marriage. Well she’s an adult, and I’m not going to interfere. But am I wrong in thinking something doesn’t add up. Isn’t he after her for financial security? I sure hope not.
Could his life change - renting a room be his adapting to life after the loss of his wife? Some folks go all out to change their life after such a loss. Maybe for him this was his first step in "re-vamping" his priorities. Just something to consider as you protect your friend.
If your friend had made a negative comment about him that didn't sit well with you then I could see your desire to find fault in this gent that entered her life. I don't see that being the case. You are taking his circumstances and creating a narrative that to be honest- isn't quite clear in your post when you step back .
So my advice- Support your friend, listen, and observe - Behaviors are an indicators.
He took care of his sick wife. That indicates he was the sole breadwinner at least for some period of time. He put kids through college. Between medical co-pays and college expenses, that right there is enough to drain a bank account. Maybe he can't afford to own a place or pay for his own apt. Or given his age it could be that he is renting a room to cut expenses and seriously build up his retirement funds.
A 60-ish woman could do a lot worse than a man who was devoted to his sick wife and funded his kids' college. And has a job.
I have a friend who is a widower. He works part time and rents. His wife didn't go quickly and most of their retirement money was spent on medical care. He's the nicest guy you could meet. He told me he would do it all over again in a heartbeat and he's just making due with what he has now.
A friend of mine met this nice guy. He’s 10 years her junior. Was married for 20 years or so until wife passed away, he took care of her. put his children thru college. Sounds great right? Well something’s not right to me. He rents a room because he can’t afford rent on his own. He does work a lot and has been at his job a long time. My friend is 67. She’s financially stable. But she’s head over heels for this guy. I told her something doesn’t add up. She wouldn’t hear it. Now she’s talking marriage. Well she’s an adult, and I’m not going to interfere. But am I wrong in thinking something doesn’t add up. Isn’t he after her for financial security? I sure hope not.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Sure, I am able to judge a person based on a handful of sentences you types. Its easy. I guarantee he loves her truly, actually is an eccentric billionaire and just likes living in a rented room, and will spend his life giving her nothing but pleasure and never disagreeing with anything that she says.
Or maybe he is just a person like the rest of us and judging someone that you know nothing about is ridiculous. You want to tell your friend to proceed cautiously with her finances, that seems logical even if the guy has a nice home and a car. The rest, I think you need to relax.
A friend of mine met this nice guy. He’s 10 years her junior. Was married for 20 years or so until wife passed away, he took care of her. put his children thru college. Sounds great right? Well something’s not right to me. He rents a room because he can’t afford rent on his own. He does work a lot and has been at his job a long time. My friend is 67. She’s financially stable. But she’s head over heels for this guy. I told her something doesn’t add up. She wouldn’t hear it. Now she’s talking marriage. Well she’s an adult, and I’m not going to interfere. But am I wrong in thinking something doesn’t add up. Isn’t he after her for financial security? I sure hope not.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Not necessarily. Women look for financial security all the time. May not be a rich man, but one that is sound and there's nothing wrong with that. This man may be head over heels for her too, regardless of his financial status. How do you know he doesn't have a nest egg somewhere?
Also, when you're 67 and dating, it's pretty much slim pickin's. If they care about each other, that's all that really matters. Now whether or not she is making a mistake is completely her own business. You should be happy she has a companion in her life at that age. Maybe the guy went through some rough times.
My best friend married a younger man 10 days after meeting him. She was left a sizable inheritance when her husband passed, and she even paid this man's child support arrearage of $10K when they married. They've been married 12 years now and you just never know.
I have a lady friend who is also age 68, and we are only a month apart in age. We attend various events together or take some day trips, and it's nice not to have to go everywhere solo. It breaks up the solitude of being a single senior, and feels good to have someone to be close to.
She usually stays with me one night per week, and as a life-long single guy it lets me test the waters of co-habitating with someone. Don't laugh, I have lived solo most of my life and it takes me some adjustment to share my little apartment (49 square meters or 527 square feet) with someone else.
Saturday we are going to a big outdoor festival in a city about 30 minutes east by train. Music, entertainment, dancing, food and lots of people will make it a fun event.
A friend of mine met this nice guy. He’s 10 years her junior. Was married for 20 years or so until wife passed away, he took care of her. put his children thru college. Sounds great right? Well something’s not right to me. He rents a room because he can’t afford rent on his own. He does work a lot and has been at his job a long time.
Depending on what kind of care his sick wife needed, they could have easily blown through their savings. That doesn't necessarily mean that he's a deadbeat.
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