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My fiancee (23 F) and I have 5 year-old triplets. They are 2 identical twin boys and 1 girl. As the title and username says, we were just 18 year-olds when we had them; shortly after our HS graduation. It was unplanned and I lost my youth in the process.
There are times I briefly imagine hanging out with my friends and drinking on the weekends or attending parties, going to a concern, playing video games for hours on a Sunday, traveling to Paris, France and many more. Last week I drank with my buddies for the first time in the longest. I came home drunk, our kids noticed my sloppy walking, blurry speech (I was still the same affectionate dad; I was just drunk that one time) and my fiancee didn't like it at all. Understandable. I promised it wouldn't happen again. Still, I was just 18 when I became a father of our children and my our parents initially helped us with the expenses.
Sometimes I feel like a kid. Once in a while I imagine the things I'll be missing out and then I'm brought back to reality. I wonder if this happens to other young fathers too. Is it normal to feel this way?
Last edited by YouthfulTony2000; 06-26-2023 at 12:32 AM..
Yes, very normal— at any age really— to begin to miss the things you feel you’re missing out on—- and especially because you both became parents so very young— and with triplets??!!! Standing ovation to you both for keeping it together this long
That said, assuming you want to be the best dad possible to your kids who cannot understand just how young you both are, you must begin to find ways to enjoy life outside of parenthood. It will not be identical to the way pre parents but can still be a lot of fun. Both of you should discuss how to make that work and how it should look.
Remember that soon your friends will also start marrying and having kids so value the beautiful family you already have.
Also notice I keep saying ‘you both’? It’s important for you to keep in mind that your wife was just 18 also and likely feels the same as you— she may be better at repressing it for now, but….
Look for ways for you both to get some independent time as well as your ‘date’ time which can include concerts, local volleyball or kickball team etc. Just. be sure it’s fair and does not take away from family responsibilities as in overburdening the other.
Can you ask your family for a once a month kid sitting?
Sometimes I feel like a kid. Once in a while I imagine the things I'll be missing out and then I'm brought back to reality. I wonder if this happens to other young fathers too. Is it normal to feel this way?
This is a human feeling.
I had kids in my thirties. Back then, I still felt like I missed out on things! In my sixties now and I still feel like a kid!
I'm jealous of you!!! When your kids are in their twenties, you'll be in your late thirties and forties. Where I spent my thirties/forties changing diapers. My kids didn't leave home until my late fifties and early sixties. You'll have those wonderful empty nest years to spend with your wife! You'll be able to travel, have romantic date nights, etc. I'm now able to travel and have romantic date nights, but my husband is nearer to seventy and needs knee replacements before walking around Europe. It's lousy!
Financee, still? If you aren't married by now, it doesn't sound like you really want to be. And if you don't want to be, don't do it. A divorce is a more expensive break up. Either way, there's child support.
Of course you are missing out on things. But if we don't miss out on one thing, we're going to miss out on another. You can't have it all. I would suggest that you get a vasectomy, so that if it doesn't work out with your fiancee, you won't be having any additional children with any other women. As I'm sure you figured out by now, children are very expensive and they are very time consuming.
I hope you weren't driving drunk. Getting drunk is a stupid thing at any age and you are not missing anything in that regard. As for France, it will still be there, as will the rest of the world, for later.
Not in my experience, but I'm sure my fiance's father (& mother) felt like they lost their youth since they were only 19 & 20 when my fiance' & his twin brother were born. Then, they had 2 more kids 8-10 yrs later.
Actually, fiance's father told him & his twin that his mom was going to abort them out of fear of her strict father.
Financee, still? If you aren't married by now, it doesn't sound like you really want to be. And if you don't want to be, don't do it. A divorce is a more expensive break up. Either way, there's child support.
Of course you are missing out on things. But if we don't miss out on one thing, we're going to miss out on another. You can't have it all. I would suggest that you get a vasectomy, so that if it doesn't work out with your fiancee, you won't be having any additional children with any other women. As I'm sure you figured out by now, children are very expensive and they are very time consuming.
I hope you weren't driving drunk. Getting drunk is a stupid thing at any age and you are not missing anything in that regard. As for France, it will still be there, as will the rest of the world, for later.
Good grief. The OP is having normal human feelings about missing the freedom of youth and you're talking about vasectomy and divorce.
My fiancee (23 F) and I have 5 year-old triplets. They are 2 identical twin boys and 1 girl. As the title and username says, we were just 18 year-olds when we had them; shortly after our HS graduation. It was unplanned and I lost my youth in the process.
There are times I briefly imagine hanging out with my friends and drinking on the weekends or attending parties, going to a concern, playing video games for hours on a Sunday, traveling to Paris, France and many more. Last week I drank with my buddies for the first time in the longest. I came home drunk, our kids noticed my sloppy walking, blurry speech (I was still the same affectionate dad; I was just drunk that one time) and my fiancee didn't like it at all. Understandable. I promised it wouldn't happen again. Still, I was just 18 when I became a father of our children and my our parents initially helped us with the expenses.
Sometimes I feel like a kid. Once in a while I imagine the things I'll be missing out and then I'm brought back to reality. I wonder if this happens to other young fathers too. Is it normal to feel this way?
Your not-yet-wife (why not?) was also 18 when SHE became a mother to triplets.
She 'missed out' as much as you did.
Hopefully she gets to go out with her friends too.
Why not get married and take her on honeymoon to France?
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