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I'm 26 and no it's not "so junior high". It's just being afraid to lose a friendship over something I might be delusional.
But at the end I will most probably be direct and ask her out.
The reason I posted here is to see if anyone can relate and tell me if I'm just crazy...
Just keep on doing what you are doing (nothing) and one of these days she will show up with a guy that had the cojones to ask her out. Men and women that can't just ask a person of interest out, deserve to not get a date.
If you are now thinking of saying you can't ask her out because of anxiety - get therapy because your problem is more than someone declining your invitation.
So, what is going on here? Should I keep on going, flirting and complimenting her after she posts on instagram, or should I "up" my game and do something else (what else)? Or, am I just delusional because I'm crushing so bad and I'm imagining attraction where there isn't one?
Please, give me your honest opinions and advice, I really need them, I feel like I'm starting to lose my mind... Thanks in advance!
You might as well ‘up your game’ considering you are devoid of any at this point. Heh, kidding! Rather than over-analyzing the situation (or complimenting her too much), why not just ask her on a date? It will tell you if she is interested or not (and hopefully will save you from losing your mind or obsessing as well). :-)
That said, are you (even) clear as to why you’re interested in her? You seem a bit unrealistic, disingenuous and/or ‘googly-eyed’; if it’s readable in a forum, it’s likely evident to her as well. You may frighten her and/or give her stalker vibes (if you haven’t already done so), although you mentioned you’re friends.
Hence, why don’t you know ‘what is going on here’?
So, the story goes like this. I've been crushing on her for more than 9 months and in that time, there were many signs from her that she might be interested. Signs such as prolonged eye contact, glancing at me when I don't look at her, being close to me, smiling with warmest smile with eyes whenever we see eachother at Uni. We had many text chats about some random study stuff, about some tv shows and when she needed help buying a new phone, she asked me for advice. Whenever I initiate contact through replying to her stories on instagram (joking or lightly flirting and complimenting her), she always responds quickly, in like less than 15 minutes, sometimes replies instantly. And her replies are always laughing with lots of "hahahahahaha" and some approving comment (like when I told her she looks brighter than the Sun, so I need to wear glasses around her, she says "Yes you need to, or else you may go blind") with laughing emojis. She even wished me happy birthday first thing in the morning when she woke up, which quite surprised me.
But, what confuses me is some other things she does. Such as, she never replies to my stories on instagram, she likes my posts but never stories. She rarely initiates contact and when she does, it's usually about studying or in those rare occasions when she asked for help about her phone. Her behaviour changes when she is in a group setting and when I join them, she becomes quiet, looking down and glancing at me from time to time even tho her personality is quite outgoing. She never hugs me when she see me, which she does with her other male or female friends.
So, what is going on here? Should I keep on going, flirting and complimenting her after she posts on instagram, or should I "up" my game and do something else (what else)? Or, am I just delusional because I'm crushing so bad and I'm imagining attraction where there isn't one?
Please, give me your honest opinions and advice, I really need them, I feel like I'm starting to lose my mind... Thanks in advance!
Trust your intuition. The fact you're asking for clarification tells me somethings off. My advice? Back off and see where it goes. Cut back on the text messages/stories.
If she is interested, she will pick up the slack. If not, you will have your answer.
I'm 26 and no it's not "so junior high". It's just being afraid to lose a friendship over something I might be delusional.
But at the end I will most probably be direct and ask her out.
The reason I posted here is to see if anyone can relate and tell me if I'm just crazy...
When I was in HS I worried about that. After I got a few nos under my belt, I realized that if it was awkward, it usually wasn't for very long. Nobody is a mind reader. Just ask her out.
"Crushing" for nine months and did nothing in that time to determine if she truly liked you?
It's the same old story time after time on this section of the forum. Guys developing an obsession for a female without even knowing if there's genuine mutual attraction. It's always, "she looks at me from time to time," "she smiles at me occassionally," "she texts me daily," so on and so forth. None of that indicates any physical/sexual attraction whatsoever, even taken in combination.
All the OP had to do nine months ago was ask her out on a date. Could even be something simple as coffee or lunch, and if there seems to be genuine chemistry there, then ask for another.
And sorry, but the OP's excuse about not wanting to ruin the friendship is a classic copout. Why would there be fear of 'ruining' a friendship, when in reality he would not want to be 'friends' with her if she rejected him. It's always that fear of rejection and the sinking realization that one misjudged another's interest level, that keeps guy's from asking women out. Yet by not doing so, all they are doing is prolonging the inevitable.
OP, you're putting a lot of weight into emojis on instagram posts. Ask her to coffee 1:1 and see if she a. accepts, and b. actually seems interested vs. just being polite.
But, what confuses me is some other things she does. Such as, she never replies to my stories on instagram, she likes my posts but never stories. She rarely initiates contact and when she does, it's usually about studying or in those rare occasions when she asked for help about her phone. Her behaviour changes when she is in a group setting and when I join them, she becomes quiet, looking down and glancing at me from time to time even tho her personality is quite outgoing. She never hugs me when she see me, which she does with her other male or female friends.
The bolded above says it all. I've been there, myself, at university. She is just using you for your intelligence.
How is she to you away from the academic scene? Or when she doesn't have a tech problem? See my point?
No doubt you carry a huge burden because you never know if a girl likes you for you; or if they are just after your brains.
OP, as you are almost at the age of 30, what previous experience have you had with women, and how are you applying those lessons learned to your current situation?
So, the story goes like this. I've been crushing on her for more than 9 months and in that time, there were many signs from her that she might be interested. Signs such as prolonged eye contact, glancing at me when I don't look at her, being close to me, smiling with warmest smile with eyes whenever we see eachother at Uni. We had many text chats about some random study stuff, about some tv shows and when she needed help buying a new phone, she asked me for advice. Whenever I initiate contact through replying to her stories on instagram (joking or lightly flirting and complimenting her), she always responds quickly, in like less than 15 minutes, sometimes replies instantly. And her replies are always laughing with lots of "hahahahahaha" and some approving comment (like when I told her she looks brighter than the Sun, so I need to wear glasses around her, she says "Yes you need to, or else you may go blind") with laughing emojis. She even wished me happy birthday first thing in the morning when she woke up, which quite surprised me.
But, what confuses me is some other things she does. Such as, she never replies to my stories on instagram, she likes my posts but never stories. She rarely initiates contact and when she does, it's usually about studying or in those rare occasions when she asked for help about her phone. Her behaviour changes when she is in a group setting and when I join them, she becomes quiet, looking down and glancing at me from time to time even tho her personality is quite outgoing. She never hugs me when she see me, which she does with her other male or female friends.
So, what is going on here? Should I keep on going, flirting and complimenting her after she posts on instagram, or should I "up" my game and do something else (what else)? Or, am I just delusional because I'm crushing so bad and I'm imagining attraction where there isn't one?
Please, give me your honest opinions and advice, I really need them, I feel like I'm starting to lose my mind... Thanks in advance!
I suspect the answer is right there.
To the OP:
My advice is back off texting. As others have suggested this woman does not appear to be interested in you the way you would like. Your intuition tells you something is not right. And what is not right is you are misreading the signals.
Now, I could be wrong which is why I suggest you cut back on texting. If she is interested in you, she'll pick up the slack.
The last thing you want is to “up your game." Even asking her out for coffee won't tell much because she already knows you. What you are looking for is a clear indication of interest as.... boyfriend material. So, stop texting. Let her initial the contact. If she contacts you for help with her study and you want to help...o.k. But after helping let her carry on the conversation. Do not initiate it yourself.
When I was dating there was no texting or even voice mail. Someone had to pick up the phone and rejection was more straightforward. And the pain more immediate.
Hearing "I'm sorry but I'm busy" twice was enough for me to get the picture.
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