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I've always known that I don't want to have kids. It's not that I hate them, in fact working with kids is part of my job; I just know that the parenting lifestyle isn't for me.
In my early 20s, this wasn't really a problem when dating girls since at that age, having kids isn't really on people's minds. However, now that I'm in my late 20s, I'm finding that as soon as I tell a girl that I don't want to have kids, she loses interest in me. Is there anyone else who also plans on not having children who has this problem. Anyone know of an online social network/dating site for people like us?
I've always known that I don't want to have kids. It's not that I hate them, in fact working with kids is part of my job; I just know that the parenting lifestyle isn't for me.
In my early 20s, this wasn't really a problem when dating girls since at that age, having kids isn't really on people's minds. However, now that I'm in my late 20s, I'm finding that as soon as I tell a girl that I don't want to have kids, she loses interest in me. Is there anyone else who also plans on not having children who has this problem. Anyone know of an online social network/dating site for people like us?
You need to link up with a child free group. They are out there in fact another board that I go to has a strong child free group. There are people out there who share the same feelings that you do. I will send you a DM with the name of the board as they prefer we not publish competing boards like that in threads.
I've always known that I don't want to have kids. It's not that I hate them, in fact working with kids is part of my job; I just know that the parenting lifestyle isn't for me.
In my early 20s, this wasn't really a problem when dating girls since at that age, having kids isn't really on people's minds. However, now that I'm in my late 20s, I'm finding that as soon as I tell a girl that I don't want to have kids, she loses interest in me. Is there anyone else who also plans on not having children who has this problem. Anyone know of an online social network/dating site for people like us?
I'm 19 and I never want kids either, and I know its going to be hard to find a girl who is 100% childfree. Girls are petty like that. Its like they're intimidated by childfree men, I don't get that. I personally wish girls weren't like this and would accept a man for who he is.
I think every site I went to, I had to subscribe. But I never did.
I've always known that I don't want to have kids. It's not that I hate them, in fact working with kids is part of my job; I just know that the parenting lifestyle isn't for me.
In my early 20s, this wasn't really a problem when dating girls since at that age, having kids isn't really on people's minds. However, now that I'm in my late 20s, I'm finding that as soon as I tell a girl that I don't want to have kids, she loses interest in me. Is there anyone else who also plans on not having children who has this problem. Anyone know of an online social network/dating site for people like us?
My fiance is the same as you. I'm older, had kids young and they were pretty much older when I met him but he told me (and I was looking for someone like him) that he didn't want kids and never would. I was perfectly happy because now that my kids are both adults,I get to have part II of my life having adult kids and having a fiance who is a bit younger (7 yrs) and no committments and he won't ever want kids - which I feel the same way. I'm done, and was having trouble finding someone to date who didn't want kids, so for us, it was a good match. You will find someone, there are still women who choose not to have kids, just keep looking and I love that you are honest about it and discuss before jumping into a relationship.
It sounds like you're being totally honest to prospective girlfriends and I have to applaud you for that. I know that sounds crazy (like of COURSE you'd be honest about something as huge as that,) but there are men who will tell a woman what she wants to hear in order to romance her. That was the case with me with my first husband. He assured me he wanted kids, like maybe one or two. We talked about this numerous times prior to our engagement and prior to marriage. Once we were married, it was "Let's wait until ....." and he came up with an excuse each time. When I was 40, I finally asked, "WHEN????" and he said, "well, actually, I never really wanted kids." When I questioned him, he said he knew I wanted them, so he told me he did too because he was so in love with me. NOT a good excuse. He misled me. That led to our downfall and eventual divorce. Of course by the time I did finally meet somebody else and get married, my bio clock had stopped. I am no longer lamenting, however, because we adopted the two most wonderful girls and they wouldn't be with us if I hadn't been through that with my first husband.
So, thank you for your honesty. I hope you meet a bunch of women who choose to be child-free (I know they're out there because I have a lot of friends who are childfree.) It is not the norm, but I don't think it's impossible to find them. I have no advice (other than the honesty thing) but I think the people who posted earlier have given good advice.
Hoping you meet the [child-free] woman of your dreams!
It sounds like you're being totally honest to prospective girlfriends and I have to applaud you for that. I know that sounds crazy (like of COURSE you'd be honest about something as huge as that,) but there are men who will tell a woman what she wants to hear in order to romance her. That was the case with me with my first husband. He assured me he wanted kids, like maybe one or two. We talked about this numerous times prior to our engagement and prior to marriage. Once we were married, it was "Let's wait until ....." and he came up with an excuse each time. When I was 40, I finally asked, "WHEN????" and he said, "well, actually, I never really wanted kids." When I questioned him, he said he knew I wanted them, so he told me he did too because he was so in love with me. NOT a good excuse. He misled me. That led to our downfall and eventual divorce. Of course by the time I did finally meet somebody else and get married, my bio clock had stopped. I am no longer lamenting, however, because we adopted the two most wonderful girls and they wouldn't be with us if I hadn't been through that with my first husband.
So, thank you for your honesty. I hope you meet a bunch of women who choose to be child-free (I know they're out there because I have a lot of friends who are childfree.) It is not the norm, but I don't think it's impossible to find them. I have no advice (other than the honesty thing) but I think the people who posted earlier have given good advice.
Hoping you meet the [child-free] woman of your dreams!
I hope are are lots of young childfree women in California.
One other thing I wanted to mention is that someone in their 20s may think that she wants to be childless and when she starts aging (typically in her mid-30s,) she might begin to change her mind. Something about passing those genes along to the next generation. The urge to procreate (and I don't mean sex here) is incredibly strong and unrelenting. When I was 25, I was sure I wouldn't want kids. I was young, carefree, traveling all over the world with my job and having a great, independent time with my life. I hit about 32 and my whole attitude changed. I just knew I wanted kids.
Certainly there are some women who know they don't want kids and never change their minds. I had a friend (in La Jolla - so I know there was at least ONE child-free by choice woman in California ) who chose to have her tubes tied at 27. She was adamantly sure she never wanted kids. But it's hard to tell who may or may not change their minds later on, unless they do something fairly irreversible like my La Jolla friend did.
My suggestion is that you might want to look for women who are already in their 30s. If they are childless then, either they're really wanting to have kids or they're resolute in their decision to NOT have children. By her mid-30s, a woman usually knows where she stands on the issue. Also, though I've done no research in this area, it seemed like I had quite a few friends in grad school (all childless) who were in their 30s and indicated that they never wanted to have kids. My two best friends in grad school, both women, and both married and in their late 40s, are childless by choice. Maybe more highly educated women are less likely to want kids? My hubby's ex wife (a professor with a PhD) didn't want kids and at 51, in all likelihood, won't have any. Those are just 3 examples. Maybe move to a university town??? Again, I have no statistics on this, just a little personal knowledge.
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Just don't have a vasectomy before you're married. I know a woman who had a tubal ligation when she was 22 years old and has been trying to undo (unsuccesfully) that awful mistake for a decade.
Just don't have a vasectomy before you're married. I know a woman who had a tubal ligation when she was 22 years old and has been trying to undo (unsuccesfully) that awful mistake for a decade.
There always has to be a yabbuter ("yeah but ...") in every thread
Actually, a vasectomy is one way of letting prospective SOs that you are firm in your decision to not have kids, though I'm sitting here waiting for a "well, my friend had a vasectomy, Met The Right Woman, and had it reversed."
I'm with Lindsey. Follow her links to the CF groups. And good luck on finding a CF woman. We are out there
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I'm childfree too.
. He misled me. That led to our downfall and eventual divorce. Of course by the time I did finally meet somebody else and get married, my bio clock had stopped
. I am no longer lamenting, however, because we adopted the two most wonderful girls and they wouldn't be with us if I hadn't been through that with my first husband. 
) who chose to have her tubes tied at 27. She was adamantly sure she never wanted kids. But it's hard to tell who may or may not change their minds later on, unless they do something fairly irreversible like my La Jolla friend did.
