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I've been married for almost 3 years to my wife. We get along super well, but last night something happened and its still kinda irritating me. I'm wondering if I'm being irrational , or if my feelings are correct..
Last night after work my wife wanted to go to this city festival, honestly I was really drained from working , but my wife insisted that we go. I made a coffee took a shower got dressed, we arrive at the park festival about 7 pm-----
At this event, they have food and music, its more of an adult festival people drinking and such, local bands that kinda thing. After we pull up, I pop my trunk to get the lawn chairs out of the back , and I'm setting up the chairs with my wife, this man out of no where comes up to my wife , and the two give each other a big hug. After the hug my wife says to him, " Hey Roy this is my Husband Mike". Roy looked a little thrown off guard as if he didn't know she was married, or maybe he did and didn't realize I was standing there but he turned to me and gave me a handshake. I told him it was nice to met him. Soon as the handshake ended he walks off--
After that we sat down, a few minutes after sitting my wife says " Oh that guy who came up to us, I've known him for almost 10 years, he installed the hardwood floors at my old house, and we have been close ever since " This was funny to me because she's never once mentioned him before---- I didn't make a big deal out of it but after getting home and in the bed, I could not stop thinking about it. Now me personally, I dont think I'm overly cautious or anything but I don't run around giving women I know hugs, Not because I'm married, but that's just my nature. Am I wrong to feel off about this?
I've been married for almost 3 years to my wife. We get along super well, but last night something happened and its still kinda irritating me. I'm wondering if I'm being irrational , or if my feelings are correct..
For a person who doesn't go around hugging everyone they know, a hug can seem like a much bigger, more intimate deal than it is for someone who hugs everybody. I'm a big hugger. A couple of years ago I hired a guy to drive me to and from my sister's house, three hours each way. We talked and laughed all the way there and back. When he dropped me back at my house he opened his arms and said, "Bring it in!" and we hugged. We had known each other for six hours. For me, a hug has no more meaning than a handshake.
Your wife saw a guy she knows and she greeted him in a way that was friendly and natural for her. I wouldn't read anything more into it than that. Of course you could ask her about it. That would probably be a good thing, because something similar will probabaly happen again and you need to have peace of mind about who you married and not let things like this fester.
I think you are feeling insecure. Your wife probably noticed your unease and felt obligated to explain her opposite-sex friendship. I see no reason for you to be uncomfortable about a simple hug.
Human beings have over the course of hundreds of thousands of years evolved to have a sort of sixth sense about matters that sometimes turn out to be as feared.
She says she has known him for 10 years and is close to him. What is meant by close? Daily texts/chats? Occasional dinners and get togethers? And despite her saying they were 'close,' only now the OP finds out about it?
I would be wary myself, and I guarantee some who automatically shoot down people like the OP as being paranoid and insecure, would themselves feel a bit off if something similar happened to them (and don't trust their denials).
No big deal. There are huggers and there are non huggers. We all got a welcomed break from having to hug strangers during the pandemic, but now it’s back in favor again.
Time will tell. Now is not the time to concern yourself though. Carry on looking for ways to enjoy Your life. Making working on improving yourself such as learning new things, experiencing new things, or exercise are currently the best solution to this slight potential awkwardness.
Anything you do about this other than ignoring it will turn out far worse.
The past is the past. You'd be best advised to let it remain there.
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