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My husband cheated on me so naturally I don't have a high opinion of guys who cheat.
If a man cheated on his wife 20 years ago, and has since gotten divorced and moved on, had other relationships,etc, is he forever a lowlife who would do it again or have similar lapses in judgement? Would you date him but with a more realistic outlook? I'm trying not to be judgemental. Lots of people have made bad choices over the years but that doesn't necessarily make them worthless as a person or unfit to be a partner.
My husband cheated on me so naturally I don't have a high opinion of guys who cheat.
If a man cheated on his wife 20 years ago, and has since gotten divorced and moved on, had other relationships,etc, is he forever a lowlife who would do it again or have similar lapses in judgement? Would you date him but with a more realistic outlook? I'm trying not to be judgemental. Lots of people have made bad choices over the years but that doesn't necessarily make them worthless as a person or unfit to be a partner.
Who am I to judge?
I would need to know the particulars about the cheating. Was it a one time thing? Brief affair? Does he express remorse? Is his overall attitude about life more mature now than back then? Does he take full responsibility for his decision or is he still blaming his ex?
I do not believe in the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater." People don't always learn and grow from what they haven't done right but they can. And cheating is never solely about the person who strayed. If they understand the reasons they cheated and hopefully got some counseling to deal with the underlying issues, I would give them a chance.
I agree that people learn and grow and other people should give them the grace to do so without blindly slapping a label like "cheater" on them.
I was talking to an old friend at a party last night and she told me that her daughter's boyfriend cheated on her early in their relationship, just once. Apparently he didn't try to hide it, he felt guilty and came to her in tears and told her what had happened, pretty much the stereotype: went out with friends, they all drank too much, a girl came on strong to him. He told his girlfriend that she had done nothing wrong and he had no excuse, he said he had never thought he would do that and it was the worst thing he'd ever done in his life.
She kept him. I was impressed. My friend said she herself kind of yelled at the boyfriend and said he could have stopped that from happening, and he admitted that he could. She told me she thought her daughter deserved better, but I don't know, I think the guy showed strong character, Of course, only time will tell if he learned a lesson or will do it again someday, but I definitely don't think that everyone who makes one rotten decision (of any kind) will necessarily do it again and should just be written off for the rest of their life.
I'll take it a step further and say that for a man who leaves his family with wife and children high and dry (my partner's father did this), there are really zero repercussions (in MODERN day, there are financial repercussions in this country, but lets put that aside for now).
He set up a new family when the time was right for him, his old kids (son and daughter) don't want to talk to him, and the mother died early. So ... clean break
He's doing well and he has a new family and in many ways he will have a much better life than if he stayed (though TBH, I don't know all of the particulars). But for instance, his original daughter has a terminal disease, so ... he got out of that mess.
I don't believe there is such a thing as karma.
You don't 'get more' by being a good person and sticking through a bad situation, and there's no retribution/bad karma/just deserts for being selfish and screwing others over.
Maybe if you're REALLY bad and a repeat offender.
You do good things because you want to and expect no return. You treat people well and stay faithful because you feel like it. If you want sex and excitement instead, go for it.
LOL! Such a kind comment....not how I would ever describe a lying piece of trash.
Quote:
Originally Posted by considerforamoment
Human beings are not monogamous, so I would factor that into your calculations.
The more people rationalize cheating, the more it becomes a culture of dishonesty. And that can become a vicious, downward cycle. Because suddenly, if everyone else is cheating, you feel a need to cheat, too.
Some human beings are not monogamous, so I would factor that into your calculations.
Fixed a typo.
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