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It always amazes me how immature some men are. How old are you both? He should not have been kissing you at all if you work together, but since he was kissing you, it says he was attracted to you. Then it sounds like he switches at some point when you two were talking more in private, and he mentions his ex-girlfriend who is "smoking hot". Why on Earth would he even bring that up? To me, it sounds like he was starting to think about her and that he can get a smoking hot girl, or get her back. This guy is not serious about dating you.. honestly, he sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. Please don't waste your time guessing if he likes you or not. The bottom line is he probably doesn't know what he wants or even who he really is (as far as relationship material). He probably has no idea about these things. He will continue to confuse you and it's possible he might ask you out seriously one day, but until then, please don't waste your time hoping he will want to date you exclusively or at all.
Also, what you said here "Somewhere in the middle of the meet up things changed. This was after all of the above. We just talked and he barely looked at me. The conversation was very one-sided he was only talkng about himself and not in a good way. He basicly only said things that would turn somebody off completely. He even said his ex is smoking hot and that I am not his type (looks). I joked a few times that it looked like he wanted me to leave as soon as possible and he joked that most people already would have ran away by now.. When he was talking about himself but not in a good way, and the rest of what you mentioned here... it sounds like he has maybe been rejected before... but again, I don't think he knows what he wants and it will just be confusing to you.
Ahhh , it does take two to kiss, how is that on him and if you remember she was on top of him ahhh, that didn't happen by accident and she's still inviting him and going to his house and blah blah.
But then she's saying she wasn't interested anyway so ya know, who cares how compatible you are if your really mean that op.
Anyway, he isn't that into it so even if something does start up it will only be out of convenience and wouldn't last long or go anywhere. lf your ok with friends just leave it at that. tHAT usually means no touchy no sleeping with him so when you do you'll only have yourself to blame if it hurts later bc he's been pretty obvious.
We just talked and he barely looked at me. The conversation was very one-sided he was only talkng about himself and not in a good way. He basicly only said things that would turn somebody off completely. He even said his ex is smoking hot and that I am not his type (looks). I joked a few times that it looked like he wanted me to leave as soon as possible and he joked that most people already would have ran away by now.
This is your answer, nothing more needed. Keep it professional, don't go out for drinks with him or be 'friends" with him. Nothing more is ever going to happen, and you don't want it to-- you don't want this guy yanking your chain anymore.
Quote:
Originally Posted by xbelieve
I dont know if I like him more than he does like me because he said ''my feelings aren't much yet but it can develop over time''.
Again: yanking your chain. Don't let him. He told you outright that he was rejecting you and only wanted to be friends. Don't let him keep you hanging around by telling you his feelings might change later. Why would you want that kind of flake and manipulator in your life?
I am definetly insecure. Also I am single for a very long time because it never clicks or I get used/ghosted etc. I am very bad at relationships in general (friendly/professional/romanticly). With this guy it seemed to click (intellectual, humour etc.) and I am interested which doesnt happen a lot.
So besides the romantic side I am also interested in being his friend, which also makes me overthink everything because I dont want people (certainly co-workers since you cant hide from them afterwards) to think I am desperate and creepy. My insecurities and not understanding people make me come across like that..
I don't want to walk away with the possibility to lose a chance of friendship or a partner.. I just need to know if I am REALLY REJECTED in any way but in a polite way or that he does like me as a person if that makes sense?
Have you ever been in a serious relationship before, one where things were actually mutual? Your coworker sounds like he rejected you. It's now becoming cringey and not surprising that he is looking for another job.
Yes, you were rejected and he did it badly, he sounds either immature or inexperienced. I call BS on the whole "I don't know what I want" excuse, too. He knows what he wants, he just hasn't met her yet. Stop building this guy up in your head and stop looking for signs that aren't there. When someone wants to be with you it's obvious. They let you know.
It's never a great idea to make friends with people you are sexually attracted to. It's just more self sabotage.
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