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Yeah , he'll be just fine my guess is he'll be back on a date site in a few wks , might be now. Hasn't even acknowledged or thanked any posts or the efforts people have gone to bar one.
Main reason l rarely even bother replying to most of the posts round here you know what they're like.
Main reason l rarely even bother replying to most of the posts round here you know what they're like.
Any given post I do is as much or more for lurkers / readers over time than for the person I'm actually replying to. If I can render something thinkable that hadn't been previously considered to someone somewhere sometime then it's worth it.
Fun fact -- there are often 100 lurkers for every poster. It varies by site but it's a good rule of thumb.
Unfortunately yeah , l can tell the tail first hand.
My partner of around 5yrs sadly now ex , has depression and anxiety right through, both divorced.
lt's nothing to do with rescuing someone you fall in love with the person warts and all simple as that. Nothing in RL is as black and white as the way people talk in forums if it was no one could even be in a relationship or married bc one or the other always or very often anyway has something, would they rather be with perfect but not in love.
You try to except things and hopefully they can get past it and sure yeah you hope you can help too just as you'd expect the same but only bc you fall in love and care for someone it's a very rare thing you don't just throw it away bc it isn't perfect , you hopefully get through things and go on to be happy.
Sadly with my partner things haven't passed though she's even worse. She's tried many things but it's always come back to the same. She's been on off, in and out right through can can't wants us but can't cope as someone said, it's very hard for them to even look after and cope with themselves.
There are absolutely people who have the "rescuer" mentality, though. The underdogs of the world appeal to them. Could be because they like to feel needed or like they're "helping" someone, or it makes them feel like a good person to be "nice" to those people (or, some even enjoy the "martyr" role even though they're getting dumped on). Could be that it's simply that they're attracted to the personality type of needy or unstable people. Could be that they themselves manage to attract the down-and-out (used to be that the weirdos on the fringe liked to talk to me. I had to learn how to recognize them right away so I could avoid them before I ever even got mired in a conversation I knew it'd be hard to extract myself from). I once had a coworker who somehow always managed to go for the women who'd eventually need money (he knew he sucked at picking them, too. I joked once that he needed me as a wingman to recognize and veto them...). Knew someone else online lamenting a "friend" who was a bigoted jerk, but wouldn't dump him like a bad habit even though she didn't like him because she felt sorry for him because he had no other friends (I'm sure we can guess why).
Been there and done that-- didn't seek out the guy who was depressed, just fell for him and realized later how bad it was. (I was once called "codependent" but I never got off on "being there for him"-- I would rather not have had to but just did it because I didn't know what else to do.) Never again; I'll actively avoid that now. It was a hard life to live to worry about someone you care about and see them hurt and try to keep them from hurting and make your own personal sacrifices to try to keep them from hurting. Never mind if they later turn on you for your efforts to help them. I do not want to, and can't, go through that ever again, being someone else's crutch.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PeterRingo
Because the initial shock I am feeling is taking it's toll and it's quite hard to swallow because I feel I did my best, I did everything right and I feel I failed.
You didn't fail. Because it was never your responsibility to begin with. It was never your place to "fix" her or make her better. All you can do is offer support while a person fixes themself, but the work is on them and if they fail or don't try, it's on them, not you. But you also have to protect yourself while you're in this situation-- don't let yourself get hurt/give up too much because you think you have to help them at whatever cost. I know the movies like to romanticize that-- stand by your {wo}man no matter what, even to your detriment-- but a lot of people get hurt, and lost, themselves that way-- and often/usually, nobody is there for them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mordant
Any given post I do is as much or more for lurkers / readers over time than for the person I'm actually replying to. If I can render something thinkable that hadn't been previously considered to someone somewhere sometime then it's worth it.
Fun fact -- there are often 100 lurkers for every poster. It varies by site but it's a good rule of thumb.
I always figure these first-time posters could well be a scam, or they're never going to be back to see replies. But even if so, there's someone out there who needs to hear this.
Yeah , he'll be just fine my guess is he'll be back on a date site in a few wks , might be now. Hasn't even acknowledged or thanked any posts or the efforts people have gone to bar one.
Main reason l rarely even bother replying to most of the posts round here you know what they're like.
I am trying to figure how the forum works, of course I am greatful for every reply.
Like I've mentioned above, these almost 2 years where black and white for me, first part amazing, then everything came crashing down. I've never been until now with a person who is depressed, who tried to take her own life at some point in their life and I was trying to learn, but also be supportive.
Sure, I couldn't understand why she could "fix' herself when life was good and I was trying to show her that life is really good.
So my failure, or what I am thinking, is I did everything that I could and I was the first thing she let go when **** hit the fan.
So I am trying to hear some stories about how things are going after a while from people who've been with depressed people.
Dating for the moment is out of the question. I need to start fixing myself before I start over because I will end up here again because I am in search for love and fail to see some people can't give that.
You broke up. Why would she follow you around on social media?
I've never blocked or unfollowed an ex in my entire life. Is like erasing that person from my history, like it never happened. Never understood that.
And usually it was the same with me. I didn't get blocked or unfollowed.
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laughed at that.
