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I matched with this guy on a dating app. We're both never been married and no kids. I'm new to the app and wasn't really looking to meet anyone there. I only signed up because my girl friend told me to check it out. I find him attractive but he pressures me into moving at a fast pace. He was the first guy I gave my mobile number to, verify my account and send additional pictures to within 24 hours (he suspects I am a catfish) I deleted my account after we moved to talking on the phone.
He told me that his mother abandoned him as a child so his father raised him. I don't want to be judgmental but I immediately thought "mother abandonment issues". On the first night that we talked he was drunk and called me dumb and stupid. I did not like it but he said it in jest. I sensed that he has a temper and asked if he has ever physically hurt a woman and he said yes (another red flag) It was a slap but never did it again. He also accuses me of having simps and "reserves" and said that he will not simp over me. I also told him that he distrusts women so much. His kink also has to do with "degradation" I find some acceptable but some makes me think if he has a deep seated hatred for women.
I'm not sure if I have Daddy issues because I've been told by a few guy friends and exes that I do. I had a happy childhood and grew up with a wonderful father. He was my best friend and I idolized him. My Dad suddenly passed of a heart attack just before I turned 17. I thought only those who grew up without a father have Daddy issues but I was told that death can have the same effect as abandonment I know I need therapy but in our country, mental health issues is considered taboo.
I don't know why I am drawn to him in spite of the red flags. We've only known each other 2 weeks but everything is so intense.
TLDR: I think he has mother abandonment issues and I have father abandonment issues, would our relationship be peaceful or toxic?
Last edited by cosmic_girl; 03-23-2024 at 10:24 AM..
I matched with this guy on a dating app. We're both never been married and no kids. I'm new to the app and wasn't really looking to meet anyone there. I only signed up because my girl friend told me to check it out. I find him attractive but he pressures me into moving at a fast pace. He was the first guy I gave my mobile number to, verify my account and send additional pictures to within 24 hours (he suspects I am a catfish) I deleted my account after we moved to talking on the phone.
He told me that his mother abandoned him as a child so his father raised him. I don't want to be judgmental but I immediately thought "mother abandonment issues". On the first night that we talked he was drunk and called me dumb and stupid. I did not like it but he said it in jest. I sensed that he has a temper and asked if he has ever physically hurt a woman and he said yes (another red flag) It was a slap but never did it again. He also accuses me of having simps and "reserves" and said that he will not simp over me. I also told him that he distrusts women so much. His kink also has to do with "degradation" I find some acceptable but some makes me think if he has a deep seated hatred for women.
I'm not sure if I have Daddy issues because I've been told by a few guy friends and exes that I do. I had a happy childhood and grew up with a wonderful father. He was my best friend and I idolized him. My Dad suddenly passed of a heart attack just before I turned 17. I thought only those who grew up without a father have Daddy issues but I was told that death can have the same effect as abandonment I know I need therapy but in our country, mental health issues is considered taboo.
I don't know why I am drawn to him in spite of the red flags. We've only known each other 2 weeks but everything is so intense.
TLDR: I think he has mother abandonment issues and I have father abandonment issues, would our relationship be peaceful or toxic?
If you don't stop talking with this guy you are dumb. Honestly he's an ass. You can do better. To be honest, being alone forever would be better than this guy.
Is this the best you can do? He's admitted to slapping a woman (only once...yeah, sure), he's called when he's drunk, called you dumb and stupid, and his kink is degradation. And let's not forget that you sense he has a temper.
...and they lived happily ever after.
Give yourself a shake and have nothing more to do with this freak.
Thant's a lot of overthinking about someone you haven't even met yet.
I told him I don't really do online dating and I need at least one month before we meet, but he told me he will break that rule of mine. I told him he should respect my pace. But since we met all we do is talk the whole day. If I don't give in to what he wants, he goes silent on me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Archaic
Why are you even talking to this guy?
I am asking myself the same question
Quote:
Originally Posted by Threestep2
You consider a relationship with someone who calls you dumb and stupid and admits to having slapped a woman? Really?
I know I'm not using logic
Quote:
Originally Posted by E-Twist
If you don't stop talking with this guy you are dumb. Honestly he's an ass. You can do better. To be honest, being alone forever would be better than this guy.
First time we talked, I found him such an assh0le. He said a lot of things that really angered me when he called me drunk, but when I woke up the next day he was very apologetic and gave me so much attention and no more trace of the assh0le personality.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceira
Is this the best you can do? He's admitted to slapping a woman (only once...yeah, sure), he's called when he's drunk, called you dumb and stupid, and his kink is degradation. And let's not forget that you sense he has a temper.
...and they lived happily ever after.
Give yourself a shake and have nothing more to do with this freak.
I'm also asking myself why for the second time I am attracted to a guy with so much red flags. He's the second guy that I liked and "met" through a dating app. First time was in 2022 and I was there for a week. The guy had a gambling addiction and cut him off. Now this guy in 2024, who I suspect subconsciously is a woman hater
Re slapping a woman. I asked him if he has ever hit a woman before. He said once and never did it again. I asked how did he hurt her and he won't tell me no matter how I pressed him so I said, did you slap her? And he just said yes. So it's also possible that it wasn't a slap.
Yes, I sensed he has a temper that's why I asked him if he has ever hit a woman. Hitting a woman is definitely a deal breaker for me but I don't know why I couldn't cut him off. He said he was young back and the ex that came after that did worse to him (cheated) He said he never hit her because he is older and can control his emotions.
re his kink I was shocked when he said he wants to do a swirlie on me. I was shocked and said is that even a kink, that's just disgusting and disrespectful.
First time we talked, I found him such an assh0le. He said a lot of things that really angered me when he called me drunk, but when I woke up the next day he was very apologetic and gave me so much attention and no more trace of the assh0le personality.
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." (Maya Angelou)
Nicely tell the guy you aren’t interested and block him. It won’t be as easy as you think.
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I know I need therapy but in our country, mental health issues is considered taboo. 
