Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Sorry for the long message coming up. This is about me (35) and wife (31). We have two young children. We have been married 3 years.
My wife and I are separating and she is moving to her parents house, despite me begging her not to. Prior to this we have been arguing a lot. I am not without blame. I have drank too much at family events and she has accused me of being a fool and making her look stupid. From my end, my issue is how she treats our kids, she is very mean to them. They are 3 and 4 and she lectures them for 10 min about their toys or other seemingly trivial stuff.
A big issue between us happened several months ago. I was getting the clothes ready to wash and noticed sand in her Jean pockets. I’m talking a lot of sand, like rolling around on the beach. I asked if she took our two daughters to the park recently. She said of course not. Then I said, how come there is all this sand in your clothes? She said “are you accusing me of cheating?” I said, “no I just don’t get why your pants are full of sand that’s all. She got upset and it escalated. I said something like, “I’m not really asking a difficult question here.” She then threw a fit and went into the bathroom and locked the door. She refused to answer the question. She said I should believe and trust her and she’s upset that I don’t.
Flash forward to our move out date, we are separating and moving out of our apartment. I’m crying and begging her to stay. She says no. She said she needs us to work on ourselves before she will get back with me. For me, it’s a solemn event. I’m sad. She is cleaning out her things and she is beaming with joy. She’s literally singing and dancing and I feel like our marriage is over. I ask her why she is so happy? She says, “my god I can’t even be happy around you?” I say, “it’s not that it’s just that we are breaking apart!” She gets annoyed with me and leaves angry.
Two months pass and during this time frame we share custody and she is constantly talking about her boss. “Oh my god, William is such a cool boss, William this, William that” I don’t want to point it out because I don’t want to be accusatory. But she brings him up every time we hang out. It’s usually along the lines of “guess what William did today, he’s so funny!”
One day in November, she let me have sex with her. I am her second sex partner ever. For 3 years she has been very delicate and sensual. When I tried to be kind of rough (spanking and such) she would say no, just be gentle. But this time when we had sex she told me to get rough, bite her nipples and spank her. Nothing like what she usually asks for. In addition, we had went to the mall a week before and bought lingerie together. When I asked her to wear it at our sexual encounter she said she returned it. When I asked why, she said because we had not been getting along and she got mad at me. I don’t really remember even really getting in any arguments. But the lingerie is gone.
In December, it was her work holiday party that we have gone to for the last couple years. She said she doesn’t want to go. I said why, she said she hates her Effing boss that she doesnt want to be around him. I told her she usually talks good about him. She said, “I thought he was nice but He’s just a snake!”
I asked some female friends what they thought of all this. They all said that she is 100 percent cheating. I have no proof whatsoever and she doesn’t even live with me anymore. Also if it was her boss she’s cheating with, then she’s done cheating (cause maybe he just lead her on) and I’ll never catch her.
I’m just looking for any feedback or opinions about this. My wife prides herself on honesty, loyalty and honor. It’s very hard because she is always forcing the issue that I don’t question her integrity ever. She’s pretty much like, “if you don’t trust me there’s no reason to be together.” So I can’t even ask her if she’s been unfaithful. When I alluded to it, she was mortified, angry and argumentative.
Is she cheating or has cheated and I’m stupid?
Last edited by PabloPicachu; 01-15-2024 at 04:29 AM..
There has been a glut of this theme here recently... same plot, slightly different details. All first posts...
Yup.
The story's not great here, but also, many mothers of young children, especially under the age of 5, (and who work outside the home,) are generally exhausted and touched out. They're often not interested in any shenanigans, even with their own husband.
She's not able to hide her cheating very well at all IMO (in my opinion). You simply ask about sand & she automatically jumps to thinking you're asking about cheating. Plus, the whole thing about raving about her boss, then later thinking he's a snake & the whole change in sex. Plus, what HER own friends think is happening. Sounds like they (your wife & her boss) had an affair & now he's done having his cheating "fun" & wants nothing to do w/ her anymore because he's probably married too & of course is staying w/ his wife & she's mad because he's not leaving his wife for her so now she thinks he's such a, "snake", which he is too, but she hasn't been behaving well either (if this situation's true).
And NO ONE should BEG anyone to stay w/ them. If they don't want to stay w/ you, who needs them. Why are you begging her to stay? From how you describe this whole situation, she doesn't seem like a good person to me, doesn't love you, & just the little bit you said how she's treated the kids isn't good so I question what type of mother she is.
My mom always told me, the moment they don't want you, you don't want them either. None of this begging, crying, pleading nonsense. Tell those suckers to hit the road then! I'll get them out faster than they can pack their stuff!
The story's not great here, but also, many mothers of young children, especially under the age of 5, (and who work outside the home,) are generally exhausted and touched out. They're often not interested in any shenanigans, even with their own husband.
I’m sorry but I’m really missing whatever message you are saying. Are you saying that many women grow tired of being accused and don’t want to deal with it? Truly trying to understand this but don’t get it.
She's not able to hide her cheating very well at all IMO (in my opinion). You simply ask about sand & she automatically jumps to thinking you're asking about cheating. Plus, the whole thing about raving about her boss, then later thinking he's a snake & the whole change in sex. Plus, what HER own friends think is happening. Sounds like they (your wife & her boss) had an affair & now he's done having his cheating "fun" & wants nothing to do w/ her anymore because he's probably married too & of course is staying w/ his wife & she's mad because he's not leaving his wife for her so now she thinks he's such a, "snake", which he is too, but she hasn't been behaving well either (if this situation's true).
And NO ONE should BEG anyone to stay w/ them. If they don't want to stay w/ you, who needs them. Why are you begging her to stay? From how you describe this whole situation, she doesn't seem like a good person to me, doesn't love you, & just the little bit you said how she's treated the kids isn't good so I question what type of mother she is.
My mom always told me, the moment they don't want you, you don't want them either. None of this begging, crying, pleading nonsense. Tell those suckers to hit the road then! I'll get them out faster than they can pack their stuff!
I hear you. The problem is she is saying she wants us to work on ourselves. She’s not explicitly saying she doesn’t want me. She’s having sex with me still, while keeping a distance and saying she wants us to work on us. Seems disingenuous to me as well. I need to wake up.
I’m sorry but I’m really missing whatever message you are saying. Are you saying that many women grow tired of being accused and don’t want to deal with it? Truly trying to understand this but don’t get it.
No, mostly that many married women who have toddlers and a job often don't have the mental and physical energy to be carrying on a secret relationship on the side. Could it happen, sure, but a lot of women in the same situation desire a bath and a nap by themselves more than sex with someone else. Everything in your first post sounds like two people who don't like each other very much.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 01-15-2024 at 09:37 AM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
