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I don't have kids but if I were in your position, I would keep communication open and don't be afraid to ask questions. It sounds like your doing a good job so far. Just don't turn a blind eye if you feel something funky is going on. Pursue it. That's how bad things start.
Hi, interesting topic to me. My 12 yo girl has been very interested in boys lately, "going out" with two so far in 6th grade. I let her have 'a boyfriend' (like i really could forbid it, ha) but if it involves anything more than seeing each other at school and texting each other (i read all the texts and she knows it), I may have an issue with it. We are on a fine line and I'm also unsure how to handle it well, so far I've just done a lot of talking with her and hoping she'll do the same with me. I do a LOT of monitoring of IM's, texts, and of course her whereabouts. So far she's kind of embarrassed/uncomfortable about talking about it much, well see. Good Luck
Not encouraging it here. Simply not telling them "YOU CAN'T" because from what I see with their friends, that's not working. The "YOU CAN'T" stance seems to be making it all the more enticing for the kids who are being told by their parents they can't. The only thing it's stopping is the kids talking to their parents about it.
They have lots of other things in their lives. The topic of this post is a minor part of their lives to be sure.
We were never told that we couldn't have boyfriends at an young age. It was more that we knew that it wasn't in our personal best interests to have them. My sisters and I knew that we didn't want to give into our feelings of crushes and to "fall in love" and think that we were ready to live happily ever after at that point in our lives. In high school, I knew that I didn't want to have babies and that I didn't want to get married until sometime in my 30's. I wanted to explore life and different careers and to travel and meet people. I wanted to explore my potential and the inner me. I didn't need or want actually to have a boyfriend until I got out of college. And in high school, I saw no reason to pine away for a boy that would eventually be going to a different college from me after graduation.
And my parents also kept us busy with other activities so that really we didn't have time to sit around wishing we had boyfriends. We had our schoolwork to do well and music lessons. We really loved going to the local public library to borrow books. I loved to cook the family meals and was always browsing cookbooks. I hung out happily with the family dog. Back then, we had no cellphones, no MySpace or AIM chatrooms to hang out in.
So I think that it's not a matter of saying no, although I think that more parents need to tell their children that, but more keeping the kids busier with non-romantic activities and not encouraging the girls to use makeup and look feminine. And also for a girl showing them that there is more to life that finding love, a good man to take care of them, getting married and having kids with him.
As to the saying no part, that should be fine enough for their children. Children are not small adults or their parents' peers. They need to accept their lower status in the family. And they should not want to disappoint their parents either. I wasn't a perfect daughter to my parents but I did try very hard not to disappoint them and I wanted them to be proud of me. I suspected with boys that if I dated them, they would eventually pressure me into doing things that I didn't want to do yet. And I knew that if I got pregnant too early in life, they would be very let down, so I just didn't feel like sneaking around and messing around with boys until I was on my own and out of their house. I am not some animal that can't control my lust. Most of my friends in high school were science and orchestra geeks. And I knew no one my age getting pregnant and having babies. No one in my small town was Jerry Springer material.
Hi, interesting topic to me. My 12 yo girl has been very interested in boys lately, "going out" with two so far in 6th grade. I let her have 'a boyfriend' (like i really could forbid it, ha) but if it involves anything more than seeing each other at school and texting each other (i read all the texts and she knows it), I may have an issue with it. We are on a fine line and I'm also unsure how to handle it well, so far I've just done a lot of talking with her and hoping she'll do the same with me. I do a LOT of monitoring of IM's, texts, and of course her whereabouts. So far she's kind of embarrassed/uncomfortable about talking about it much, well see. Good Luck
I know. I love that "going out" doesn't actually involve going "out" anywhere, I'll ask my girls "Where are you going?" and get they eyerool and "OOOOHHHH MMMMOOOOOMMMMM", :lol. Going out simply means they've actually had a go between tell the other person they like them. I swear dd#2 never actually spoke to her last boyfriend. When she decided to break up with him, her best friend just shouted it across the room. I don't get the rules of "going out" these days
I wasn't ready for this quite this young but I should have known. G&T kids are often precocious in other areas as well. Every time I look at my girls I think I should start looking for a convent really soon.
High school scares me. It's all pretty much play right now but I have this really bad feeling the rules change in 10th grade. Is it too late to change my mind about having kids??? Did I really sign up for t-t-t-t-t-teeeen agers!!!!!!!
I think I'll get really worried when "going out" actually involves going somewhere
More of a topic for parents but I'll welcome anyone's suggestions.
I have two daughters (10 1/2 and 13). I've noticed that most of their friends parents have said NO to "boyfriends" until they are much older (which has resulted in secret boyfriends - quite harmless as "going out" now means you like each other, you don't really go anywehre). My stance is it's going to happen sooner or later and I'd rather have my kids talking to me so I really don't care if they claim to be "going out" with someone. (plus it gives me lots of ammunition to embarass them with which is a parent's primary function you know )
What do you think about young kids and their crushes? I think they're going to have them anyway so I'd rather know and have some input than have them sneaking around on me. Other parents think I'm nuts because they're so young. I'm not worried about 10 and 13. I'm worried about 15-18. To me this is cute kid stuff and nothing to worry about. (the 13 yo is still in a K-8 school which provides a pretty controlled environment so we're not talking kids skipping school together and meeting at each others houses, not that I'd know ANYTHING about that )
What are your thoughts?
Let 'em go out and have "significant others". I don't have kids yet but I remember being age 10 and wanting to date... I'd been having "crushes" since I was 2. I figure it this way... when my wife and I have kids, and they grow up, I'll let 'em date no matter how old they are. They'll just have to live with the knowledge that Daddy is going to go with them wherever they want to go, and will be watching them from afar even if he's not right there breathing down their necks. Yeah, that may make things like kissing turn into awkward moments... unless by that time I've already convinced my kids that I'm "cool". If they want to kiss privately, they can do it at home. Sometimes there's a lot to be said for allowing questionable things to happen at home without trying to banish them, because they'll happen outside of home in much riskier situations if they are banished from home.
More of a topic for parents but I'll welcome anyone's suggestions.
I have two daughters (10 1/2 and 13). I've noticed that most of their friends parents have said NO to "boyfriends" until they are much older (which has resulted in secret boyfriends - quite harmless as "going out" now means you like each other, you don't really go anywehre). My stance is it's going to happen sooner or later and I'd rather have my kids talking to me so I really don't care if they claim to be "going out" with someone. (plus it gives me lots of ammunition to embarass them with which is a parent's primary function you know )
What do you think about young kids and their crushes? I think they're going to have them anyway so I'd rather know and have some input than have them sneaking around on me. Other parents think I'm nuts because they're so young. I'm not worried about 10 and 13. I'm worried about 15-18. To me this is cute kid stuff and nothing to worry about. (the 13 yo is still in a K-8 school which provides a pretty controlled environment so we're not talking kids skipping school together and meeting at each others houses, not that I'd know ANYTHING about that )
What are your thoughts?
Uh, you should be a little more worried about 10 and 13 than you think.
I'm a student in a Middle School Ed program in my college, and during my recent internship with 6th graders, they were discussing things that children that age shouldn't have any idea about.
I have a boy and girl that used to be that age. Do yourself a favor now. Acknowledge to yourself that young kids (boys and girls) all have hormones, they all go out of control around the age of 12 and know that boys and girls alike will experiment with the opposite sex.
If you are going to be one of those parents that is too embarrassed or you are going to be the type to turn the other cheek and head down denial lane citing "my child would never", then you are leaving yourself open for not so pleasant memories.
The best thing you can do and you need to start now is to sit them both down and start talking about sex, drugs, STD's, consequences, pregnancy, anything and everything. You have to look at it this way, they are all a lot more mature than we were at that age, they are starting younger and younger and they have a lot more peer pressure than kids growing up in the 70's and 80's.
If you don't give your kids the facts now - they will go to school and get some half-a$$ed truth from some little punk kid who will end up knocking up a girl by the time he's 15 or getting that same information from a girl who will end up knocked up.
Don't think your kids won't because as soon as you think that they won't, they will. Don't underestimate the craftiness of kids these days either. It can be like a network, they all cover for each other.
If you are honest with your kids, keep a VERY open mind and a very open minded relationship with them, you will be a lot better off. I started talking to my kids at a very young age about all of the above and guess what? No teenage pregnancies, no trouble with drugs and no trouble period. Just the usual things that teenagers go through but they were always good kids and always more appreciative of me because they could always come to me for anything.
Now they are `18 & 20 and don't think I don't still remind them of being stupid and what it can cause.
Do right by your kids and be their teacher not some little punk kid.
Our daughter is 9 and we've told her that she can't go out on a date til she's 16. I'm not sure we'll make it that long, but we've told her that so that she can have some firm boundaries and can use that age as a guideline. Also, I want her to have that rule there to use as an excuse if she's feeling pressure to have a boyfriend in the next few years.
I know she'll have crushes before she's 16 and that's ok, but I won't allow her to see a boy outside of school until she's at least 14 and preferably 15. We also talk fairly openly and factually at this point about sex, but so far I think she still thinks sex is strictly for baby-making. But I hope we're laying a good foundation for open communication. We also emphasize that she doesn't need to be in a hurry to grow up and she repeats that, so I hope she's internalizing it.
I know that this will all change when the hormones really kick in, but for now, that's out plan.
Ivory, I tend to be with you on this one. I was surprised at how young the interest seemed to begin. My son came to me when he was in like, fourth or fifth grade and asked me if he could go to a movie with a little girl. (Apparently, she had inivited him.) They never did end up "going" anywhere together but I think they chatted on the phone and considered themselves "going together" for awhile. As was stated earlier, "going" doesn't necessarily mean REALLY going anywhere.
At any rate, as long as appropriate boundaries are set and enforced, I don't see a real problem with the "early interests." I would have preferred it come later, but it doesn't it seems. (And I tend to be pretty strict about most things.)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by himain
I don't have kids but if I were in your position, I would keep communication open and don't be afraid to ask questions. It sounds like your doing a good job so far. Just don't turn a blind eye if you feel something funky is going on. Pursue it. That's how bad things start.
I totally agree. You absolutely do not want your children to learn that you will not pursue an uncomfortable subject.
Its important to encourage your kids to be themselves, but they need boundaries and consequences or there is no foundation for self-control later on.
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I'll ask my girls "Where are you going?" and get they eyerool and "OOOOHHHH MMMMOOOOOMMMMM", :lol. Going out simply means they've actually had a go between tell the other person they like them. I swear dd#2 never actually spoke to her last boyfriend. When she decided to break up with him, her best friend just shouted it across the room. I don't get the rules of "going out" these days
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