Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I work, I make six figures, I bring home the majority of the bacon. I'm a highly educated woman (although you'd hardly notice from the typos & grammatical errors)
When my husband and I first got married we made approx the same money
Me:$55K, Him: 50K
Now with my promotions, and he unfortunately had to find a new job it looks like this
Me: $85K, Him: $48K
We are looking to relocate because I can't really handle the weather here anymore. But if we move I'm working DARN hard on getting a job that makes more money and realize that IF my husband can find work, he'll be making even less. So it will look like:
Me: $110-120K, Him: $35K (if he can find work)
Not only are we worried about making less and being able to buy a home, but I'm worried he's going to feel worse about not providing. He's an amazing man who cleans the house and takes care of the kids MUCH MORE then I ever do. But he does takes life too seriously and gets depressed easily - so I'm worried about his stability because I don't want to make him feel like his quality of life decreased. He's also worried about getting a house to make me feel better. (Our current home is small)
Anyway - how would you feel? As a man (he's not a macho guy, he's much more a homebody quiet kind of man) how does this scenario play out? Would you be okay with being a minor contributor in money?
I see that your more concerned with his feeling than you are with your own. To me, I would find this as a wonderful thing. You are showing strength as a woman thats hard to find, in the home and in the working field. I am proud of my best half because shes such a hard worker, even if we don't make tons of money. But qualities like yours and my wife are a dying bread. He should be proud of you as well.
Can anyone imagine this conversation in reverse! Well my wife doesn't make as much as me, i don't want to hurt her ego! I am really lucky she takes care of the house and kids, come on people. How long have women been working? We should be beyond this, i know I have confessed to doing the majority of housework as well as working but i ruined my husband from the getgo 27 years ago.
Exactly! Women have pretty much always earned less. Been the ones expected to give up education and careers to care for children setting them back. Been the ones expected to leave their job to pack up and follow their husbands. I dont recall anyone being concerned about her ego. Women have been told their job as mother and housekeeper isnt anywhere near as important as the wage earners and that her job isnt important because she makes less.
I think it is great the op cares so much about her husbands feelings. If more people were genuinly concerned about their spouses as she, there would be less divorce. In our society today, I just dont understand why we need worry about coddling a mans ego over the same circumstance women have been living in forever. I would think a man would be happy that his wife works and can earn the big $$.
Frankly, since you are here asking about it, I'd say it seems that YOU are more bothered about it then he is. Are you projecting your feelings of discomfort onto him?
Honestly look at your own feelings. Do you resent the fact that he isn't making money or that he had to find a new job? Do you feel like you are having to "take care of him" and that your relationship is unequal? The fact that you are having him relocate and not really giving him any say in the matter (it's clear he is only going because you want him to) shows that there is some inequality in your relationship that doesn't have to do with money.
I just got out of a long term relationship very like yours. I made significantly more then my SO and was basically supporting him so he could pay off his MASSIVE debt. He was a great guy but I felt more like his mother then his partner most of the time.
The further either partner goes in his/her career and the more money either of them make, the better it is for both of them.
All that other ego related crap is a sign of emotional immaturity or character weakness and has no place in a mature stable relationship.
I would totally agree with that statement except when my wife who makes almost double my salary started to say things like "this is my house", these are "my kids", and she basically started to treat me as an after- thought. For example if there was a meeting that ran over it was OK to delay taking me out for my birthday the job was much more important. Now mind you this was in spite of the fact that she would NEVER stand it if I pulled the same stunt with my job, and I too am also one of men who helps out around the house (even though we are fortunate enough to have someone to cook, clean, and take care of the household while we work during the week.) I did start to become depressed because I felt like the only true contribution (that really counts) is the amount of money one brings home. I would work OT weather I had to or not. Now some of you might call this a "male ego gone terribly wrong", but bringing in that OT for me was the way I initially addressed a very serious issue in our relationship. Of course since then I deal withit in a much more healthy way, and speak to a therapist.
I would totally agree with that statement except when my wife who makes almost double my salary started to say things like "this is my house", these are "my kids", and she basically started to treat me as an after- thought. For example if there was a meeting that ran over it was OK to delay taking me out for my birthday the job was much more important. Now mind you this was in spite of the fact that she would NEVER stand it if I pulled the same stunt with my job, and I too am also one of men who helps out around the house (even though we are fortunate enough to have someone to cook, clean, and take care of the household while we work during the week.) I did start to become depressed because I felt like the only true contribution (that really counts) is the amount of money one brings home. I would work OT weather I had to or not. Now some of you might call this a "male ego gone terribly wrong", but bringing in that OT for me was the way I initially addressed a very serious issue in our relationship. Of course since then I deal withit in a much more healthy way, and speak to a therapist.
It is bad behavior on the part of your wife, but again that is exactly the behavior many women have dealt with before the days they could actually earn good money.
Just one question if you are fortunate enough to have someone to cook, clean, and take care of the household while we work during the week how exactly are you one of those men that "help out" around the house?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I am really lucky she takes care of the house and kids, come on people. How long have women been working? We should be beyond this, i know I have confessed to doing the majority of housework as well as working but i ruined my husband from the getgo 27 years ago.
