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I do not know what happened to lead to the trouble BUT did you ever want to renew the vows before it happened? If so, now it is his way of appeasing you and showing you that "hey, look I have changed", BUT of course, he did not because people do not change. If this is a totally new idea, I would still think of his motives; is he trying to prove to your friends and family that he can get away with treating you badly?
If it were up to me, I'd put the money that would have been spent in a savings account in your name if you ever had to leave abruptly.
No, I never wanted to renew vows before. This is 100% his idea.
My friends think it's his way of starting over. Of wiping the slate clean. I have no slate that need wiping clean and would not be thinking about vow renewal at all if he didn't keep bringing it up.
It sounds like you're not that into renewing your vows if you have to question it among your friends and a bunch of strangers online.
Awhile after my dad's affair, he and my mom renewed their vows. Didn't really change anything... the core issues of their marriage are still there.
Vows are important to me. I don't take them lightly, and he knows it. He also knows I consider our marriage vows already nullified so there's nothing to stop me from leaving. Hence, my friends' apprehension and seeing this as a control move. They are of the opinion that he should just have to rebuild what he destroyed. That vow renewel is too close to letting him off the hook.
My feeling is he wants to announce to the world I took him back. He wants to remove all doubt. Why, I don't know but for some reason, it seems important to him that others know I took him back. This may be a way of accomplishing that.
They are of the opinion that he should just have to rebuild what he destroyed.
I highly doubt he destroyed it alone. Vows renewal may be more appropriate after trust is rebuilt. The time between now and then should be like some sort of dating and getting to know each other again.
Okay, here's a debate. Ever since my husband and I reconciled he has wanted to renew our vows. My friends have been adamant I shouldn't. Well, now that we've decide to work on our marriage in spite of him having seen someone else, he's back to pushing to renew our vows.
I'm glad to hear you guys are going to try to work it out after all. Maybe I'm just hopelessly romantic but I think the idea of "vow renewal" is sweet...whether you've had any problems or not. If your husband wants to do that, I'd roll with it. (and yes, I take marriage vows very seriously too.)
It sounds to me like you already know if you should renew your vows. I think it's more of a question about whether you should do this to appease (sp?) him. Should you??
Because our first set of vows didn't have the same meaning they had for him as they had for me. When I said until death do us part, I meant it. He only meant until he decided to leave and take up with someone else. He had no issue walking out on our old vows. Why should I assume these vows will be any different?
I'm of the opinion that if you do the same thing you did before, you're probably going to get the same results.
It sounds to me like you already know if you should renew your vows. I think it's more of a question about whether you should do this to appease (sp?) him. Should you??
Give that poster a gold star. You're right. I see no reason to renew vows. He keeps pushing for it.
I guess my problem is that I take vows very seriously. If we did this it would mean something to me. I'm not sure it does to him. He had no problem breaking our old vows. Why would I think he won't do the same with a new set?
IMO, a relationship is between two people, not everybody else. A relationship is a private thing and I certainly wouldn't discuss what problems my spouse and I have unless it's between the two of us and a counselor
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but I think the idea of "vow renewal" is sweet...whether you've had any problems or not. If your husband wants to do that, I'd roll with it. (and yes, I take marriage vows very seriously too.)
