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That may not always be the case. Sometimes it is built on victimizing or at the very least manipulating someone until they cave. Sometimes one party gives in at the insistant of the other party. Sometimes they figure oh well at least if I go along with it they won't be cheating behind my back. I know a couple this happened to.
You're absolutely right though. It can be changed. But like you said, often it's when that party voices that they are hurt by such activities. Can it really be reversed then? I don't think so. Whatever damage has been done up to that point is still there. Often from their that hurt turns to resentment and eventually the marriage falls apart.
The couple in this article sure seem they could head in that direction. It doesn't seem to be very much a case of mutual desire to live this life. The husband seems to go along with it because it is what his wife wants. He is a prime candidate, in my opinion, to end up resenting her the longer this goes on.
Absolutely, and again...what a selfish woman...who doesn't deserve him...quit frankly, he will probably end up leaving her, b/c resentment, thoroughly contaminates any relationship.
open marriage. is a concept that one partner likes so they can cheat without feeling guilty. I have run into a few that liked the idea....until an interest was only payed in their partner. If you want to cheat don't be in a relationship.. There are so many that do, its a shame. You want to see how many "straight" men are cheating? go to craigslist, search men for men and search "DL" most that will come up are dating or married to women. For those that didn't know DL means down low, they don't want it known.
quite frankly, I think these people who indulge in something like this, really do need help....there is something wrong with their common sense, when sex becomes such an obsession...
why in the world be married and destroy someone else's life...because there is always one partner who is not into it, nearly as much as the other...no two people are ever on the same plane at the same time...quit frankly if my spouse confronted me with something like this, I'd leave, get out of dodge and not look back...I would wonder if he were mentally dysfuncational....?
quite frankly, I think these people who indulge in something like this, really do need help....there is something wrong with their common sense, when sex becomes such an obsession...
why in the world be married and destroy someone else's life...because there is always one partner who is not into it, nearly as much as the other...no two people are ever on the same plane at the same time...quit frankly if my spouse confronted me with something like this, I'd leave, get out of dodge and not look back...I would wonder if he were mentally dysfuncational....?
In my opinion, and that is all it is, my opinion, I just think there is something wrong with the individuals and/or the relationship. When the desire to fulfill sexual urges overrides the commitment, intimacy and sanctity of a marriage, to me something is wrong.
An open marriage, in my opinion, constantly tells the other spouse "you are not enough for me and therefore I must seek someone else outside of our marriage". I just can't see how that is healthy, be it mutually agreed upon or not.
The whole thing about open marriages often comes up when one of the parties interest in such. That moment when that spouse brings it up must be very confusing to the other spouse. There has to be a moment there when the other spouse feels they are not enough for their partner. Sure, curiousity, interest, giving in, whatever the case may be, might kick in and they may go along with it, but still it often, maybe not always, comes up because 1 of the parties has an interest in it.
Speaking for myself only, I could never bring that up. To have such an interest would mean to me that my spouse is not fulfilling me in some way. Therefore I feel the desire to be with someone else. If that were ever the case, I would feel it is more important to work things out with my spouse, figure out together a way that we can both fulfill each others needs, rather than seeking to bring in outsiders as active participants in our sexual life. It's kind of like having a wound and simply placing a bandaid on it to cover it up rather than making the effort to heal it.
I know each person is different and what works for some does not work for others, but I just think it is definately something that should be taken into consideration in these relationships. The possibility that going outside the marriage for such fulfillments is only a bandaid to something wrong in the relationship. To me, a healthy marriage is one where both husband and wife could not even possibly imagine being with any other than their spouse.
I just remarried 1 month ago and I know this is how it is with us and I pray this is how it always remains. To me, there is no better feeling than knowing my husbands desires are directed to me and me alone and same for mine towards him. I can not even imagine if he would come to me with such notions, I would be heartbroken to be honest. It would rock my security in our relationship and I would constantly be wondering if I could ever be enough for him or if he would be desiring someone else over me. At that point, for me at least, something very special would be lost in the relationship. Thankfully, this is something that I don't have to worry about. Being the day and age it is and knowing such relationships exist, it is something that we talked about long before committing to getting married. It was talked about as one of the deal breakers and fortunately it was a mutual deal breaker.
In my opinion, and that is all it is, my opinion, I just think there is something wrong with the individuals and/or the relationship. When the desire to fulfill sexual urges overrides the commitment, intimacy and sanctity of a marriage, to me something is wrong.
An open marriage, in my opinion, constantly tells the other spouse "you are not enough for me and therefore I must seek someone else outside of our marriage". I just can't see how that is healthy, be it mutually agreed upon or not.
The whole thing about open marriages often comes up when one of the parties interest in such. That moment when that spouse brings it up must be very confusing to the other spouse. There has to be a moment there when the other spouse feels they are not enough for their partner. Sure, curiousity, interest, giving in, whatever the case may be, might kick in and they may go along with it, but still it often, maybe not always, comes up because 1 of the parties has an interest in it.
Speaking for myself only, I could never bring that up. To have such an interest would mean to me that my spouse is not fulfilling me in some way. Therefore I feel the desire to be with someone else. If that were ever the case, I would feel it is more important to work things out with my spouse, figure out together a way that we can both fulfill each others needs, rather than seeking to bring in outsiders as active participants in our sexual life. It's kind of like having a wound and simply placing a bandaid on it to cover it up rather than making the effort to heal it.
I know each person is different and what works for some does not work for others, but I just think it is definately something that should be taken into consideration in these relationships. The possibility that going outside the marriage for such fulfillments is only a bandaid to something wrong in the relationship. To me, a healthy marriage is one where both husband and wife could not even possibly imagine being with any other than their spouse.
I just remarried 1 month ago and I know this is how it is with us and I pray this is how it always remains. To me, there is no better feeling than knowing my husbands desires are directed to me and me alone and same for mine towards him. I can not even imagine if he would come to me with such notions, I would be heartbroken to be honest. It would rock my security in our relationship and I would constantly be wondering if I could ever be enough for him or if he would be desiring someone else over me. At that point, for me at least, something very special would be lost in the relationship. Thankfully, this is something that I don't have to worry about. Being the day and age it is and knowing such relationships exist, it is something that we talked about long before committing to getting married. It was talked about as one of the deal breakers and fortunately it was a mutual deal breaker.
every word was right on target...and congratulations on your new marriage, big hugs...hey, why wasn't I invited...LOL
I'm sending you good karma....your hubby's a very lucky man...he's married to a loyal, compassionate and intelligent woman.
There y'all go again with the name-calling. Just because people engage in behavior you don't find acceptable, they're pathetic, immoral, trash, etc. While I understand that you don't find it acceptable enough for you to participate in certain activities, doesn't mean that those who do are somehow "flawed."
There is nothing illegal about two people in agreement to go outside of the relationship to experience sex with others. Variety is the spice of life, after all. If you choose not to live "outside the box," good for you. Some of us just happen to have a broader sense of adventure. Y'all seem to care too much about someone else's sex lives. Personally, I couldn't give two sh*ts about yours. You don't want to play, that's your business. I'm not going sit here and call you this, that or the other thing because you don't.
You people need to get over it and get lives! Sheesh!
In my opinion, and that is all it is, my opinion, I just think there is something wrong with the individuals and/or the relationship. When the desire to fulfill sexual urges overrides the commitment, intimacy and sanctity of a marriage, to me something is wrong.
An open marriage, in my opinion, constantly tells the other spouse "you are not enough for me and therefore I must seek someone else outside of our marriage". I just can't see how that is healthy, be it mutually agreed upon or not.
The whole thing about open marriages often comes up when one of the parties interest in such. That moment when that spouse brings it up must be very confusing to the other spouse. There has to be a moment there when the other spouse feels they are not enough for their partner. Sure, curiousity, interest, giving in, whatever the case may be, might kick in and they may go along with it, but still it often, maybe not always, comes up because 1 of the parties has an interest in it.
Speaking for myself only, I could never bring that up. To have such an interest would mean to me that my spouse is not fulfilling me in some way. Therefore I feel the desire to be with someone else. If that were ever the case, I would feel it is more important to work things out with my spouse, figure out together a way that we can both fulfill each others needs, rather than seeking to bring in outsiders as active participants in our sexual life. It's kind of like having a wound and simply placing a bandaid on it to cover it up rather than making the effort to heal it.
I know each person is different and what works for some does not work for others, but I just think it is definately something that should be taken into consideration in these relationships. The possibility that going outside the marriage for such fulfillments is only a bandaid to something wrong in the relationship. To me, a healthy marriage is one where both husband and wife could not even possibly imagine being with any other than their spouse.
I just remarried 1 month ago and I know this is how it is with us and I pray this is how it always remains. To me, there is no better feeling than knowing my husbands desires are directed to me and me alone and same for mine towards him. I can not even imagine if he would come to me with such notions, I would be heartbroken to be honest. It would rock my security in our relationship and I would constantly be wondering if I could ever be enough for him or if he would be desiring someone else over me. At that point, for me at least, something very special would be lost in the relationship. Thankfully, this is something that I don't have to worry about. Being the day and age it is and knowing such relationships exist, it is something that we talked about long before committing to getting married. It was talked about as one of the deal breakers and fortunately it was a mutual deal breaker.
Again, very well said.
I agree, we are more than animals who act on every desire and impulse.
Be careful, someone might try to shut you up despite the fact that you are only voicing your opinion.
every word was right on target...and congratulations on your new marriage, big hugs...hey, why wasn't I invited...LOL
I'm sending you good karma....your hubby's a very lucky man...he's married to a loyal, compassionate and intelligent woman.
Creme
LOL. Sorry, my bad, you didn't get the invite. lol. Thanks for the congrates and the good thoughts. I think I may just have my hubby reads your post... lol, nah he knows I am those things, in fact he just told me the other night it's one of the reasons why he fell in love with me.
I agree, we are more than animals who act on every desire and impulse.
Be careful, someone might try to shut you up despite the fact that you are only voicing your opinion.
Thank you Ellen. That's exactly it. I just don't buy into this whole animalistic reaction with regards to desires, whether in males or females. In fact, I have a son that is 19 and that is one of the first things I was always instilling in him as he was going through his teen years. I'd tell him yeah urges will be there but you are not an animal that can't control their urges. It takes more of a man to keep his pants on than to take them off at ever scent of a girl.
As for some trying to shut me up.... they can try, thats okay, wouldn't be the first time. But it won't stop me from continuing to voice my opinions when I have them and feel strong enough on the subject to do so.
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