Women: If you had the choice of building your career or staying at home with your children, which would you choose? (marry, young)
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My Mom worked and I never felt unloved or tossed to the side. When my siblings were growing up and before I turned 3 my Mom was a SAHM and we also had a housekeeper, after that time my parents divorced and my Mom went to work and we had a housekeeper/nanny who took care of us between the hours of 3-6 when school/preschool was over and when she came home. I don't see it as a big deal and growing up all of my friends' Moms worked.
Conversely I have a friend whose Mom is a SAHM and she is entirely disrespectful towards her mother, calls her dumb/ditzy and I can't help but think that that is a manifestation of her disrespect towards the role of SAHM. Its as if she thinks if her Mom were smart she would have worked its sad really.
But...she was there during the important early years and mostly home after usual working hours.
The OP specifically mentioned those early years and working by choice, not necessity and indicating that work would take preference to mothering
That's such a personal decision for a woman to make. And it can be a different decision for different children. I think if a mom does what feels right, it will work out fine. Guilt and indecision are more harmful to you as a mom and to the kids, IMO.
When I stayed home with my son, I was so involved in political and volunteer work that I kept and even grew business contacts. It did result in a negative bump in career advancement, but actually ended up expanding my options career-wise in the long run.
I hate mommy wars! Wish that women who use their energy to judge another woman's choice would instead work toward supporting options to enable women to actually HAVE the choice to stay home with their children. Too many are working multiple jobs just to keep food on the table.
Sorry.....I am one that feels that raising children is one of the most important jobs there is for future and should take priority over an outside job.
Can both be done? Sure, but work should not be the more important thing.....which, again...the OP appears to be focusing on.
I am responding to the question asked, not working moms in general.
If I had my time over again then I would not have taken jobs around my Sons but would have built a career for myself.
My Mum had a career and none of us suffered because of it
Interesting things to read: Caitlin Flanagan and Leslie Bennett.
Flanagan writes for The Atlantic and The New Yorker. You can find her articles from the Atlantic online. This woman is neither a stay at home mom nor a career woman, but seems to ridicule both. She is a writer who works from home and has an army of nanny, housekeeper, and gardener. Reading her essays is an interesting process because she is so full of herself.
Leslie Bennett wrote the controversial "The Feminine Mistake" that advocates women to keep their careers.
You can also find many, many critiques of both writers as well as of other writers on the mommy wars online. It's been interesting looking at all the different issues raised.
As for me, I cannot give up my ambition. Hopefully my kids will understand and not hate me.
Having a career and raising children are not mutually exclusive. Not only will your kids not hate you, I bet that they will be proud of you and see that self-fulfillment is something to strive for.
Kids need unconditional love, not a 24/7 mom. That said, a mom who has the opportunity and desire to be a 24/7 mom will probably have kids who feel the same way about their mom, as she will show the same passion in her "career" as a SAHM. I consider staying home with children to be one of the toughest, most valuable jobs out there.
Having a career and raising children are not mutually exclusive. Not only will your kids not hate you, I bet that they will be proud of you and see that self-fulfillment is something to strive for.
Kids need unconditional love, not a 24/7 mom. That said, a mom who has the opportunity and desire to be a 24/7 mom will probably have kids who feel the same way about their mom, as she will show the same passion in her "career" as a SAHM. I consider staying home with children to be one of the toughest, most valuable jobs out there.
I absolutely agree. My sister is a SAHM to 3 boys, no housekeeper, no nanny. Just her. She's one TOUGH mama! I totally see how hard she works and respect her work ethic.
But the hard work she does is not rewarded in status outside of the home nor in monetary pay.
And to be completely honest, I want the status and the money because I've worked so hard in school to train myself to attain those things.
I was one who chose to stay home for the first year of my childs life. Then after that, I only worked part-time, until he was old enough to go to school. Then I went full time, but only because my husband (at that time) wanted me to work fulltime.
This day and age, the Mother doesn`t have much of a choice, if you want anything extra for your child.
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