Women: If you had the choice of building your career or staying at home with your children, which would you choose? (Christian, love)

[EllenOlenska]

I've read quite a bit about the "Mommy Wars" going on with upper middle class women who can afford to work high powered jobs or stay home with their kids.

My question is: if you can choose between building your career so that you'd someday be VERY successful (C-level executive) and making millions a year, or stay home with your young ones in the early years of their lives, which would you choose?

Let's say that if you stay home with your young ones, then employers would see you as someone not committed to your career and wouldn't ever promote you to the top and that your husband makes enough money so that you can afford to stay home and take care of the kids comfortably, with a housekeeper to do all the menial chores and you just focus on the kid(s).

[ShinyHappyLucy]

I would stay home with my kids, which I do. I can only speak from personal experience, but I hated that my mom had to work when I was growing up. I wanted her to stay home with us more than anything.

[EllenOlenska]

Originally Posted by Content_Christian

I would stay home with my kids, which I do. I can only speak from personal experience, but I hated that my mom had to work when I was growing up. I wanted her to stay home with us more than anything.

Awww... I'm sorry you felt that way. That's what I'm afraid of: my kids resenting me for choosing work over them.

[katie45]

My choice would be to have just one job: raising my children.

[cremebrulee]

Originally Posted by EllenOlenska

I've read quite a bit about the "Mommy Wars" going on with upper middle class women who can afford to work high powered jobs or stay home with their kids.

My question is: if you can choose between building your career so that you'd someday be VERY successful (C-level executive) and making millions a year, or stay home with your young ones in the early years of their lives, which would you choose?

Let's say that if you stay home with your young ones, then employers would see you as someone not committed to your career and wouldn't ever promote you to the top and that your husband makes enough money so that you can afford to stay home and take care of the kids comfortably, with a housekeeper to do all the menial chores and you just focus on the kid(s).

I would stay home with my kids, without a housekeeper...and consider that my success...when my kids got older, we'd all participate in the menial chores...I think it's important to teach kids to take care of themselves...to work for what they want....and when they went to school full time, I'd probably then, pursue a career of some kind, but nothing that would take me away for long periods of time...

I've done it both ways, and to me, staying home was more rewarding...even if we struggled a bit and did without...the times when I worked, I felt very guilty.

[cremebrulee]

Originally Posted by EllenOlenska

Awww... I'm sorry you felt that way. That's what I'm afraid of: my kids resenting me for choosing work over them.

Ellen, I think if you kept the communication going and open about why your working with the kids, it might help? Just throwing my 2 cents out there....

But I tell you true, I did hate going to work and he hated me doing so...but seemed to understand...guess he really had no choice...

If I had it to do all over again, today, I would stay home....but that's me.

[old_cold]

I've truely never understood why people have kids if they plan to let somebody else raise them
Just let those somebody elses have them
To me it's just a symptom of "I want what I want regardless" and treats children as if they are just some kind of possession, like the home theater

[rasta empress]

My Mom worked and I never felt unloved or tossed to the side. When my siblings were growing up and before I turned 3 my Mom was a SAHM and we also had a housekeeper, after that time my parents divorced and my Mom went to work and we had a housekeeper/nanny who took care of us between the hours of 3-6 when school/preschool was over and when she came home. I don't see it as a big deal and growing up all of my friends' Moms worked.

Conversely I have a friend whose Mom is a SAHM and she is entirely disrespectful towards her mother, calls her dumb/ditzy and I can't help but think that that is a manifestation of her disrespect towards the role of SAHM. Its as if she thinks if her Mom were smart she would have worked its sad really.

[cremebrulee]

why don't you ask her...you might wake her up to how awful she sounds and get some feedback from her, that might spark some very good advice from you?

[rasta empress]

Originally Posted by cremebrulee

why don't you ask her...you might wake her up to how awful she sounds and get some feedback from her, that might spark some very good advice from you?

I may just do that the next time she makes a comment. I do know another friend told her she was rude towards her Mom and she got mad and said "you don't understand our family dynamic, we all do it including my Dad and Mom doesn't mind". However I have personally heard have seen her Mom's face fall during one of these episodes and it is really uncomfortable to witness.


Oh I should also add I don't think there should be Mommy wars, I think women should do what's right for them and their kids. For some that's a Mom that stays at home for others that's a Mom who builds her career. Trust me there is nothing worse for a child than a resentful Mommy who feels trapped at home with kids. Conversely its equally terrible for a Mommy who is at work feeling guilty. Do what is right for you and your family and don't be so judgemental about the choices others have made.