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Story: future hubby and his father will be graduating next June for the same Master's degrees (his father is retired & therefore has the time to re-educate himself). Though his father is a good guy, he can get to my nerves . I am planning to send future hubby off to a trip with the guys.
Now the question is: am I "obligated" to give his father something similar of some sort? I'm not sure if his Mother would give his father a trip for a graduation gift (she's one of those controlling type of women that don't want her hubby going ANYwhere w/o her).
Or the better question is: what's the gift-giving tradition when the son and father are graduating at the same date?
I would think a small, token gift is appropriate under the circumstances.
I agree. The gift you give your FIL shouldn't be as much as what you give your husband. If your husband would like his dad to come along on the trip, then he can give his own dad that gift. Don't show up your MIL by giving too big a gift to your FIL. Don't upstage her and make her look bad. What she gives her husband is none of your business.
I'm not sure if his Mother would give his father a trip for a graduation gift (she's one of those controlling type of women that don't want her hubby going ANYwhere w/o her).
Wow. You are just surrounded by controlling types of women. Amazing. What's it like being the only cool woman in town?
In almost every thread you've made, you talk about other women being too controlling of their men in their relationships. I really think that you need to stop examining everyone else's relationships and just focus on what you have with your man. And I think that those women aren't as bad as their menfolk might make them out to be. If you are a woman that tends to hang out with the boys, please remember that it's just part of casual male locker room talk to do a little women bashing. Everyone likes to vent, but all of that venting needs to be taken with a grain of salt. In any relationship situation there is his side, her side AND the reality of the situation.
Wow. You are just surrounded by controlling types of women. Amazing. What's it like being the only cool woman in town?
In almost every thread you've made, you talk about other women being too controlling of their men in their relationships. I really think that you need to stop examining everyone else's relationships and just focus on what you have with your man. And I think that those women aren't as bad as their menfolk might make them out to be. If you are a woman that tends to hang out with the boys, please remember that it's just part of casual male locker room talk to do a little women bashing. Everyone likes to vent, but all of that venting needs to be taken with a grain of salt. In any relationship situation there is his side, her side AND the reality of the situation.
True, there MUST be a reason why a certain relationship/ marriage is the way it is. In his father's situation, I sense that his mother is "holding a grudge" over something his father did waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back in the day (yep, that's another problem with this woman -- she will never let you forget what you did to her that "she perceives" as wrong). I'm not even going to guess what it is, because I like to keep it a bit simpler. If something doesn't involve me, then I don't want to know anything about it .
Why, MIU, do you ask? Are you offended by my postings about how OTHER women that I witness tend to be on the controlling side of their marriages? I don't know why you should be offended, for I am not talking about you or anyone you know. Even though there could be reasons why they turn that controlling, I can't help but laugh at those types of behaviors. IF YOU are offended, then you may ask yourself why a post that has nothing to do with you ends up insulting you.
But yes, it seems that I'm surrounded by women that control their husbands. For example, just about 1.5 weeks ago, I went to a bridal shower (I'm one of the bridesmaids), and I've seen 3 of the bridesmaids "flexing their balls-and chain muscles" on their husbands.
With the first couple, as soon as the woman went outside the conversation circle to get a drink, immediately her husband whispered to one of the guys in our conversation circle and said, "Quick! Give me a cigarette before she comes back!" Apparently his wife hates his smoking.
With the second couple, they live about 3 freeway exits away from the bride's house (in which the bridal shower was held). The wife wanted to go home because she was "bored", whereas the husband wanted to stay in & play poker for an hour. She immediately said, "Oh no you're not! You go where I go!" Damn!! Granted, other people suggested that the husband dropped her off at home (since they live about 10 minutes away), so that the husband could come back to the party and play poker, but to no "permission" by the wife.
With the third couple, there was another conversation circle where I overheard the guys talking about "hot celebrities". As soon the wife came and approached that conversation circle, the husband said to everyone, "Shhhh!"
Oh well, different strokes for different couples, I guess.
Story: future hubby and his father will be graduating next June for the same Master's degrees (his father is retired & therefore has the time to re-educate himself). Though his father is a good guy, he can get to my nerves . I am planning to send future hubby off to a trip with the guys.
Now the question is: am I "obligated" to give his father something similar of some sort? I'm not sure if his Mother would give his father a trip for a graduation gift (she's one of those controlling type of women that don't want her hubby going ANYwhere w/o her).
Or the better question is: what's the gift-giving tradition when the son and father are graduating at the same date?
if it were me, I would give the future FIL something like a gift certificate to something he likes to do, for instance, book store, if he likes to read....and by all means, you are not obligated to give him anything...but like I said, I love to give gifts, therefore, it would be something small from me...
Story: future hubby and his father will be graduating next June for the same Master's degrees (his father is retired & therefore has the time to re-educate himself). Though his father is a good guy, he can get to my nerves . I am planning to send future hubby off to a trip with the guys.
Now the question is: am I "obligated" to give his father something similar of some sort? I'm not sure if his Mother would give his father a trip for a graduation gift (she's one of those controlling type of women that don't want her hubby going ANYwhere w/o her).
Or the better question is: what's the gift-giving tradition when the son and father are graduating at the same date?
Now I thought that this trip was more of a bachelor party/pre-nuptial gift than a graduation gift?
I don't understand why you would post that your future FIL gets on your nerves sometimes. How does that factor into the gift giving unless it's another reason to only give him a token gift? But even if you always get along with him great, only give him a token gift and don't compete with your MIL in that department.
Anyway, in terms of you being so conscious of other men's controlling wives... in this case, my concern is more that with your attitude you will antagonize your future MIL. And next year, your future threads will be about how much your MIL hates you. See when you disapprove of someone's behaviour, even if you try to hide it (which somehow I don't think you care to), they will eventually pick up on your attitude and resent it. You are not going into this marriage trying to get along with your future MIL, instead you are already critical of her and have no respect for her.
I think that you need make yourself have a more positive attitude towards your future MIL and be more accepting of the way she is. And no matter what your fiance tells you in private, don't pass judgment on his parent's relationship. Instead be more neutral feeling. Because no matter what your fiance (or even his dad) may say in private to you, he is not his dad, it's not his marriage and his mother isn't going anywhere. I'm sure that you and your fiance will have a great marriage, but it's also important not to make any friction between you and your future MIL. His parents can't change who they are.
Now I thought that this trip was more of a bachelor party/pre-nuptial gift than a graduation gift?
I don't understand why you would post that your future FIL gets on your nerves sometimes. How does that factor into the gift giving unless it's another reason to only give him a token gift? But even if you always get along with him great, only give him a token gift and don't compete with your MIL in that department.
Anyway, in terms of you being so conscious of other men's controlling wives... in this case, my concern is more that with your attitude you will antagonize your future MIL. And next year, your future threads will be about how much your MIL hates you. See when you disapprove of someone's behaviour, even if you try to hide it (which somehow I don't think you care to), they will eventually pick up on your attitude and resent it. You are not going into this marriage trying to get along with your future MIL, instead you are already critical of her and have no respect for her.
I think that you need make yourself have a more positive attitude towards your future MIL and be more accepting of the way she is. And no matter what your fiance tells you in private, don't pass judgment on his parent's relationship. Instead be more neutral feeling. Because no matter what your fiance (or even his dad) may say in private to you, he is not his dad, it's not his marriage and his mother isn't going anywhere. I'm sure that you and your fiance will have a great marriage, but it's also important not to make any friction between you and your future MIL. His parents can't change who they are.
Well, there will be TWO separate trips for him: one is his bachelor fishing/ camping trip, and this second one is on me, for his graduation gift.
My future hubby need not tell me anything about how his folks' marriage is, because his mother herself made it clear who "wears the pants in their marriage", and is proud of it. His Dad never says anything about his marriage to his wife. My opinions are based on my observations of how she "runs" things.
You're right, even though she's a nice person, I don't have any respect in regards to her desire to control men. She takes feminism to a whole, inappropriate level by controlling her hubby, and by thinking that all men should bow down to women (yes, she DID say this). Trust me, I have no problem w/ her thinking any less of me because I don't control her son just like how she controls her own hubby. I don't make my views expressed to her in any sort of way, but I do things differently in my relationship with her son, and I don't conceal the fact that I don't control her son w/ a set of balls and chains like she does.
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. I am planning to send future hubby off to a trip with the guys. 
