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Let's see who is wise (read: no smarmy replies) enough to answer this for me.
Why is it, when a guy purposely tries to be friends with certain females, and be themselves, the females always jump to conclusions instead of just asking the question? NOTE: Lengthy case file. Impatients are forewarned to consider jumping to the bottom of the page at the risk of missing the underlying reasoning behind the question.
Case-in-point:
There is a young woman that used to work at my company. They escorted her out the door (figuratively speaking) late last year. She got hired just after I did, so I'd known her for 4 years, never a problem, got along really well together...even though she blatantly ignored my advice 2 years prior which would likely have resulted in her keeping her job and salary. She's married, her husband had two kids from a previous marriage, she has none of her own. She's nice and all that, and somewhat cute, but not...well, put it this way - there's absolutely no sexual energy. None. In a way it's like talking to your sister.
Anyway, she called me on my cell phone the day she got cut to let me know what happened, and make sure we'd stay in touch. I say sure.
A few weeks later she calls me, excited, and tells me she's working at Kaiser, which apparently is where she'd always wanted to work...ok fine. Then she wants to have lunch. So we have lunch. She says we should meet up for lunch once a month and catch up on things, again I say sure.
Southern California gets set on fire. I send her a text to make sure she and her family are okay. She's grateful.
We have lunch again, everything is going fine. She asks me where we're going to lunch next, I say I don't know (don't think that far ahead), but it'll be my birthday. Again, excited, "we definitely have to have lunch, my treat!"
Birthday comes near. I send a text asking her if we're still on. She says she has to deal with some things. I say okay but let me know, as it would be a nice birthday present to meet up and chat about various things that were going on at the time.
I don't hear back.
I left it alone until now, when I sent her a message asking how she's doing; she says fine, but her messages are clearly hiding something. I ask her what's wrong, and she says,
"Nothing wrong...just uncomfortable...it seemed as though you thought of me as more than a friend"
Err?
Instead of snapping like I would normally have done, I calmly explain that she is nowhere near my type, and I have no idea where she got such a sense from. She just said "good to know", again, with something hidden, and it was left at that. I already know from experience what it means.
So...question 1: why did she not just ask me what I was thinking at whatever point she was confronted with whatever it was that got her thinking that I had feelings for her? Question 2: Why would she assume that I thought anything of her when she's the one calling me all the time? And question 3: Why would things change when we're no longer working at the same company and actually see each other less?
Irony of the Day: I met a different married girl through a mutual acquaintance, and started off my chatter with a sexual innuendo....something about long black limousines and spit shine...and I'm still friends with that one to this day.
only she can answer all three of those questions, so why not just ask her?
perhaps it was something that you did or said unknowingly that she perceived that way? it could be body language, the way you might have hugged her or something.
or perhaps she is just an egocentric vain woman who thinks every man looks at her in a 'sexual' way, and therefore she is creating her own reality, believing that you are wanting to have more than a friendship. heck, who knows, she could have some sort of Axis II personality disorder e.g. borderline, narcissistic, etc. maybe she's delusional. maybe she's a functional psycho!?! ain't no tellin. just ask her
only she can answer all three of those questions, so why not just ask her?
perhaps it was something that you did or said unknowingly that she perceived that way? it could be body language, the way you might have hugged her or something.
or perhaps she is just an egocentric vain woman who thinks every man looks at her in a 'sexual' way, and therefore she is creating her own reality, believing that you are wanting to have more than a friendship. heck, who knows, she could have some sort of Axis II personality disorder e.g. borderline, narcissistic, etc. maybe she's delusional. maybe she's a functional psycho!?! ain't no tellin. just ask her
Where I said "I know what that means"? It means she has no intentions of continuing to talk to me.
Not since (Irony Alert) she emailed me the address to where she worked.
Bottom line, I didn't do anything. Actually I thought I was pushing her away - which in a way I was trying to. We only met once a month, her idea. Had lunch, her idea. Then the last time we had lunch, she got all giggly about my birthday coming up. I didn't see or talk to her for another month, when I asked her if we were still having lunch that month.
Did her husband know about you and her friendship. Maybe he didn't and then found out and got upset about it.
Maybe she doesn't want to rock the boat at home??
But why not just say that? I mean I'm more than happy to go away if the man of the house feels threatened. I know not every man is secure in their masculinity to allow their woman to have male friends.
But why not just say that? I mean I'm more than happy to go away if the man of the house feels threatened. I know not every man is secure in their masculinity to allow their woman to have male friends.
Yeah good point, maybe if that is the case she should just have said so. Maybe she'd be "embarrassed" to say so thinking that her husband is "controlling" her??
I dont know. I had a great friend for 2-3 years in college and he was like the brother i never had. We would tell each other when the other person had a booger or smelled, etc. We were both dating other people so we would just go to eat lunch every once in while. Well we remained pretty close friends, juicy tidbits about boyfriends and girlfriends at lunch until one day after lunch he was just like "Well arent you going to kiss me?" At first I thought he must be joking but then he wanted to make out in the car. : 0 People need to start showing interest before assuming the other person is interested.
In your case, why would she just assume you would be interested, especially knowing that shes married? Thats really strange.
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