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A relationship without trust in not a relationship, it is a nightmare. Being him the one who took the first step towards infidelity he must regain your trust somehow. If he doesn't then, you'll live your life wondering if he's at it again.
I wish I could give you a positive answer, but from my own experience, those thoughts never leave your head. Why? In my case, I wonder how or where I was lacking. Wasn't I any good? What did she do that I didn't (lingerie, etc.)? What made him choose her over me?
I never really got any answers, or really just the answer to one basic question - WHY? So without that answer, those thoughts and "kodak moments" will always be in my head. And I hate him for it, even though like you, we have decided to stay together. It is one of the issues it seems I have to get over in order to forgive and move on. Even though it was thrown upon me, it is my responsibility. And there is nothing - NOTHING - anyone can say or do (including him) to help you get past or get rid of those thoughts.
I have to agree with you. You can let it go to a certain extent, but in the back of your mind you always want to know "why". As many times as I've asked the answer I get "I don't know why". That's hard to accept. I feel if you no longer want be with someone, you should tell them, not go behind their back. They always think the grass is greener is on the other side, until they find it really isn't.
My spouse cheated on me and we're trying to get throught this. But I can't seem to get the thoughts out of my head. Thoughts about them being together. How can I move on please help
If you find any way to stop thoughts, please let me know!
I had one child and a cat a the time....I left him and went home to Mom for 4 years until I got myself back together. I caught mine a couple of times and he always denied it! After that I could never trust him again.
That really sux. Have you seen a trained professional. If you still can't forgive (and I'm not saying you should) or somehow work through it, then there's probably no other choice then to end the marriage. You can't live in distrust for the rest of your life.
when i read the "forgive him" i thought wow that is probably the best advise yet. true forgiveness will really start the healing process. thinking things through to understand if this is what you truly want. doing things that make you feel good about yourself and i really really liked the boxing gloves suggestion but i think i would use him as the punching bag
A person can forgive, sure, but the reality is, once a cheater, always a cheater. It may be right away, or it may happen in a year or so. But it will. I've always given the guy the boot when that happened, rather than a 2nd chance.
Whether you can forgive him or not, you must remember that you do that for you and not him.
Realize that he's the one who's weak and it's about HIM, not you. Even if you decide to divorce him and leave the situation, it will still take time to get over...even if the Law of Karma strikes him down. You'll find in time a tendency to want to not trust us pigs (men) but you'll also find that it's not gender dependent. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. For example, this other person-what was her motive? Evidently, it's partly caused by selfishness, perhaps fear, it makes me sick just thinking about it.
But you need closure on this situation (if not this relationship) and perhaps you can at least give him some chance to ammend the situation to the best of his ability.
In the meantime, you can monitor what's going on with you and seek help for your own personal mental and physical health. Free yourself to enjoy life and have fun from time to time no matter what. Does that make any sense? Do you see that you had jealousy prior to this happening? If so, that needs to be addressed.
I used to be jealous a lot untell my ex-cheating-lying-wife left me for another guy. He had a wife of his own and two children; Brian was 1 year old and the girl (I think I finally forgot her name. Well it's only been 12 years! It's about time! Amy, I think) was 3, so my ex was a real home wrecker too. But then I got out on my own and survived it pretty well, enjoyed being on my own so much that I wound smack-dab in the middle of another serious relationship after a little over a year. Hey, I was lonely. Well that didn't work out, but in time, I learned that all women aren't cheaters and that I could move on with or without a woman and that God removed that "jealousy" sickness from me that was sort of internal to me, then I was less likely to attract those that WOULD cheat. Does that sound crazy, or what?
Anyway, I prayed for the right woman to come along when I was ready and when I least expected it... 9 years and counting now.
When children are involved, I don't know what to tell ya. I'm sorry this has happened to you. That Karma thing I mentioned, people told me when my ex-wife sort of kicked me to the curb that she would get her "just due." I paid no attention. But two years later, she got busted with 13 felony counts... charged with only one or two of them. I have no clue what's going on with her now and it's none of my business. I've had to forgive her and wish her well...not for her, but for me. Because we ARE worth it!
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Does that make any sense? Do you see that you had jealousy prior to this happening? If so, that needs to be addressed.
