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I have had the worst night of my life. My husband talked our child and I into going to his dads 85th birthday party. My husband chose not to tell two of his sons because he doesn't have anything to do with them.
My husbads ex wife has done nothing but put the two boys against us, she is working on the third son. So we go to the party, and out of the blue his two sons show up. I guess my husbands sister goes to a casino in Iowa where my husbands ex wife works at and they talk all the time, his ex has stated to others that my husbands family likes her better then me.
Well I guess my husbands sister invited his two sons knowing that we didn't get along, and while we were there, I was shunned, along with our child, I never felt so out of place, and you could tell everyone was talking behind your back, plus the looks they gave me.
I have been with my husband for 23 years, his ex 10 years, and if they want her they can have her, because I am not a put on, and I don't lie to others. I could also tell she had filled my husbands sister up with lies. I have never felt so out of place in my life. I feel that I have not only been betrayed by my husbands family but my husband himself, for not standing up for me a day in his life. I don't know if he is scared of them or what, but he sits back and lets things happen, why? because it is not him.
I feel hurt, rejected, beaten down, kicked in the stomach, what ever you want to do to me do it and get it over with treatment. I feel worse then a dog that has been abused. So any suggestions? I would have went else where but my only family and friends are all of you, so what would you do???
All I can say is kill'em with kindness. Unfortunately, in a situation like this it can turn into a "campaign". You are obviously not able to coexist with the ex, so just beat her at the polls if the in-laws mean that much to you.
Become "Miss Congeniality". Find the person out of the in-laws that you think dislikes you most, and make friends/peace with them. It's kind of like punching out the biggest guy first in a bar-fight Then make friendly gestures to the others, but stay at a distance. Just try to get close to a small handful at first. The others will fall in line.
NEVER let them see you sitting alone in a corner. Find someone to talk to, ANYONE. If you stay there and keep to yourself you're inviting the "she thinks she's too good for us" stuff, as well as other negative speculation.
This is not a good thing for your daughter, as it will give her the wrong impression, either that all men are like this, or that as a woman she will have to put up with this sort of behaviour, (or, most likely, both). ......................do you want your daughter to grow up with this skewed vision of what a marriage should be? Do you want her to have the same low self-esteem you have? Obviously, as a loving mother, you don't, so you have to take some action.
This is just what was on Nanny 911 Friday night.
The mom (Jennifer) was this adorable little doll, always sweet and smiling and Nanny had a talk with the mom telling her she was showing her daughter it was ok to be treated the way she was.
P.S. I saw a couple of pictures of you on here and they were probably whispering about you because you look so good and they don't! It happens.
I like the idea of finding someone--anyone---even a child to talk to. Don't you dare let them get to you. Keep thinking of all of us who are here on your side.
But more importantly--remember you + God is a majority.
I have read everything you all have said, I am done with his family and mine, I want out, and if I don't then kill me because I am so done with them all. I tried ti kill them with kindness thing, look where it got me on both sides.
I was finally able to talk for a few minutes with the husband, here is what he says, well I guess we don't go to anymore family get togethers, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT???????????? THAT JUST MAKES THEM THINK IT IS BECAUSE OF ME,NOT HIM. He says well didn't you feel comfortable around anyone, I told him the only one who even cared I was there, was his dad, and he asked for me to stop by and visit him, (amazing). I guess at least he cared.
I was out tyring to talk to some of them, and when you can tell they are looking right over your head and don't care, then it is time to move on. His ex isn't the only one trying to destroy myself and my child, but she has her sons doing it to, I seen that going on last night.
I was very PISSED last night, so much so that I told his youngest son his mom could have his dad back and I didn't want either one of them in my or my childs life. I was saying that nice f word about every other word, ranting and raving like a lunatic, but I didn't care and still don't.
I just told my husband I want out, I want a divorce and I can no longer put myself or my child through this crap. He just stands there and says, well I don't know what you want me to do. I can sit and open up and cry, and he still don't care. I am so done.
I have read everything you all have said, I am done with his family and mine, I want out, and if I don't then kill me because I am so done with them all. I tried ti kill them with kindness thing, look where it got me on both sides.
I was finally able to talk for a few minutes with the husband, here is what he says, well I guess we don't go to anymore family get togethers, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT???????????? THAT JUST MAKES THEM THINK IT IS BECAUSE OF ME,NOT HIM. He says well didn't you feel comfortable around anyone, I told him the only one who even cared I was there, was his dad, and he asked for me to stop by and visit him, (amazing). I guess at least he cared.
I was out tyring to talk to some of them, and when you can tell they are looking right over your head and don't care, then it is time to move on. His ex isn't the only one trying to destroy myself and my child, but she has her sons doing it to, I seen that going on last night.
I was very PISSED last night, so much so that I told his youngest son his mom could have his dad back and I didn't want either one of them in my or my childs life. I was saying that nice f word about every other word, ranting and raving like a lunatic, but I didn't care and still don't.
I just told my husband I want out, I want a divorce and I can no longer put myself or my child through this crap. He just stands there and says, well I don't know what you want me to do. I can sit and open up and cry, and he still don't care. I am so done.
If being with him and having these problems causes you to speak out like that, have these harsh feelings...I do feel as if it would not be the best situation to have your child in and witness. i do think you need to get a divorce, but while that is going on...you need to do what you can so that your child does not witness any chaos, or anything that would unsettle her or make her feel bad. I wish you the best of luck.
Johnnycakes, how would you feel if your dad died when you were 14 and then your mother kicks you out on the streets when your 16, when I never smoked, drank, or did anything wrong, she just didn't want me, probly because I was sexally abused at the age of 13 and 14 by my father. If you had to live in my life you would know why and how I feel this way, depression is nothing, it is everyday living.
The hurt goes so deep you can't breath, and no I do not make up crap, this is real life, I am not a drama queen, I do not play games, I just want to go to sleep and never wake up to deal with any more hurt, and don't worry I won't do what my brother did, with committing suicide, don't have the courage for that due to low self esteem. So there is my life, all a mess, and I have the don't care attitude, because I don't and can't take no more, it is as simple as that.
You can forget the counselor thing, my husband says it is to much money, and doesn't think he has a problem, or that we do. With all the stress, and the hard life I have lived, no wonder why I ended up with Fibromyaliga, and that is another thing, you can check the thread on that fibromyaliga, you would be suprised at the symptoms it has and DEPRESSION is one of them.
I am not trying to sound like I am on the attack, but you have to understand what my life has been like. I would have not gone to that party if it wasn't for the fact that his dad is old, I would be moving this summer, so it was out of respect for his dad and to give one last shot at maybe a little hope of friendliness?????? So if you can suggest any more, or if anyone wants to ask anything, I will be here. The 23 years of my life with my husband, well when you have self esteem problems, and you have him telling you that you can't do anything with out him, you believe him, but since they all have made me this mad, I would rather live back on the streets then to be sh!!!!!it on.
Well. be careful of what you do, so far as leaving him-don't know the laws in your particular state, but here, that is called 'desertion' and he could use that against you if he wanted to be chitty about things. Hopefully there weren't a lot of witnesses to your ''ranting and raving like a lunatic", that can't do much for your rep! And your daughter-where was she when this was happening? I just know how people love a good story to tell after family get-togethers. Do you still feel justified in your behaviour in the light of day?
Up until that point, do you think your husband was even aware that you were feeling ostracized? Was he ignoring you to be mean-were you off by yourself with your daughter, and he was being a little social butterfly?? I have noticed over the years that a lot of men [NOT ALL] are pretty clueless about things like that.
Here is something to chew on-my mom found out last Mother's day she has cancer-in her lungs, brain and liver; she responded remarkably well to treatment, but now it is back. My sister [the only one left, since my other sister died several years ago on Valentines day] thought she had pneumonia-but, no, she also has lung cancer [squamous cell]. She has 3 girls, the youngest 14. My son will be graduating freom college in May then he is off to fulfill his obligation to the Army for ROtC-he will be GONE, too. There is much more, but I don't want to be called a whiner. Don't be too concerned about what you perceive to be people bad-mouthing you, it can make you paranoid.
Last edited by fuzzymystic; 02-18-2007 at 01:04 PM..
I have read everything you all have said, I am done with his family and mine, I want out, and if I don't then kill me because I am so done with them all. I tried ti kill them with kindness thing, look where it got me on both sides.
I was finally able to talk for a few minutes with the husband, here is what he says, well I guess we don't go to anymore family get togethers, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT???????????? THAT JUST MAKES THEM THINK IT IS BECAUSE OF ME,NOT HIM. He says well didn't you feel comfortable around anyone, I told him the only one who even cared I was there, was his dad, and he asked for me to stop by and visit him, (amazing). I guess at least he cared.
I was out tyring to talk to some of them, and when you can tell they are looking right over your head and don't care, then it is time to move on. His ex isn't the only one trying to destroy myself and my child, but she has her sons doing it to, I seen that going on last night.
I was very PISSED last night, so much so that I told his youngest son his mom could have his dad back and I didn't want either one of them in my or my childs life. I was saying that nice f word about every other word, ranting and raving like a lunatic, but I didn't care and still don't.
I just told my husband I want out, I want a divorce and I can no longer put myself or my child through this crap. He just stands there and says, well I don't know what you want me to do. I can sit and open up and cry, and he still don't care. I am so done.
In all seriousness, you need a vacation. You're stuck in the land that invented snow, housebound, and nowhere to turn.
My advice for the near term? Scrape some cash together, or just run up a credit card. Your sanity is worth the short-term debt. TAKE a VACATION all by YOURSELF. It doesn't matter where you go, just go someplace else. Someplace you've always wanted to go.
Enjoy yourself for once!!
When was the last time you did something like that, if ever?
In all seriousness, you need a vacation. You're stuck in the land that invented snow, housebound, and nowhere to turn.
My advice for the near term? Scrape some cash together, or just run up a credit card. Your sanity is worth the short-term debt. TAKE a VACATION all by YOURSELF. It doesn't matter where you go, just go someplace else. Someplace you've always wanted to go.
Enjoy yourself for once!!
When was the last time you did something like that, if ever?
-TT
Your right on all accounts, with Minnesota being nothing but snow, the house bound, kind of feels like the walls are closing in on you.
The vacation idea is a great one, my child is out on spring break the first part of next month, and the last time, her and I took off any where was when she was about 6 so it has been almost 7 years ago.
I do have some money, got my back pay from SSD, hubby don't know, and he will not find out either, but we could go away for a week some where. I guess I am to much of a people pleaser and if I can't please someone I take it out on myself, because I am not happy unless others around me are happy.
I will take that vacation, and already in the mist of trying to plan for it as long as the weather gives us some luck and stays nice enough to get where we want to go. Thanks Yap City!!!!!!!!!!!
Yorkie, I'm so sorry about what happened to you when you were growing up. My daughter was abused by her father, and not only did I believe her over that lying sack of stuff I married and then divorced, I also nagged law enforcement mercilessly, and testified with a "victim impact statement" to send that jerk to prison for five years. I think it's unconscionable when mothers don't protect their babies from predators, epecially if they're married to them! Please get some counseling for yourself. You have all this pain that has nowhere to go. Then it gets turned inward, and manifests itself as depression.
I can't recommend whether you stay married or get out. Only you can make that determination. But I agree that your daughter needs a more stable environment. Please be sure to figure things out financially before you leave; you need to make the transition as smoothly as possible for both of you. I'm praying for you, too.
Location: Finally made it to Florida and lovin' every minute!
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Yorkie, my heart goes out to you and your daughter. The road behind you and the one ahead are rough ones.
Please go to a counselor. We can giv eyou all the advice in the world, but you need to talk with someone who is trained to help you thru this situation. And if hubby says it's too expensive, there are all kinds of outreach programs that will help you.
We're all with you. Please let us know how you're doing. You're in my thoughts.
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