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I'm become so frustrated with people treating me differently that I just don't know what to do.
I try to be a friendly, kind person, but people don't gravitate to me (the wrong people do, unfortunately, like the men who harass me on the street). I've been noticing lately in my martial arts class that people don't seem too happy to see me (instructors and fellow students). They were joking around one time and when I entered the scene and asked what the joke was, I got, "Oh, it's nothing." I brought candy to share with everyone once, and one of the younger instructors (college kid) I tried to offer it blew me off, but took it from my friend/classmate who's my mother's age and shared a laugh with her.
And when I volunteered today, I saw someone struggling to remove plastic wrap off cereal bars (we were packing food boxes to be delivered to families). I gave her my open one and offered to take hers and open it, and she gave me a funny look and unwillingly let me take her box to open it. (The same girl kept skipping me in line when we did an assembly line to get the boxes outside!)
I also feel that I have to repeat myself three or four times to be heard (though I feel I speak audibly), and it is so frustrating.
When this stuff happens to me it makes me feel so worthless and invisible. What can I do to make myself be heard and respected more?
You can't do anything. Except stop trying to be friends and stop trying to connect with those folks that are unfriendly to you. You probably associate with conniving/non empathic people. I have run into people like that A LOT. It is pitiful not on your part but on others.
I'm a bit of a pollyanna and believe most people should be friends with one another...
Another thing I hate is when people are sarcastic for no reason. I'm sarcastic too, but only towards people I can't stand or if I feel insulted. (What's the point in being rude towards friends?! I never understood that.) I notice that people feel free to be sarcastic with me, but lord forbid I throw it back because I get called "rude." Or they'll do something considered aggravating, but if I do it the same people throw attitudes. It's hypocritical. I can't be the goody-goody pushover 24/7, nor do I want to be.
I notice in every situation I'm in I find it hard to make friends and connect with people. People do not gravitate towards me and I struggle to reach out because I've been blown off so many times. It was so easy when I was a kid because I hadn't had a grasp of rejection. The older I've become the less willing I am to put myself out there to be hurt.
Are you very pretty? That may be why guys hit on you, but people you want to be friendly with shy away. If you're pretty and sexy you may make men uncomfortable in a non-sexual setting and make women feel threatened. On the other hand, you could just be paranoid. People don't hear you all the time, just tell yourself "Well they just didn't hear me" or "She must be having a bad day" and don't assume their behavior has anything to do with you. This may make you feel better.
ya man stop trying to connect with those types. I use a six sense to judge a jerk from a non-jerk. There are more jerks than non-jerks in real life.
BTW I don't find sarcasm funny unless it is really silly and I use it with close friends too, to draw laughs.
I also know what you mean about people trying to irritate you and then when you do it back you get criticized....been there, done that....your dealing with losers...plain and simple.
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Originally Posted by breakingfree
Another thing I hate is when people are sarcastic for no reason. I'm sarcastic too, but only towards people I can't stand or if I feel insulted. (What's the point in being rude towards friends?! I never understood that.) I notice that people feel free to be sarcastic with me, but lord forbid I throw it back because I get called "rude." Or they'll do something considered aggravating, but if I do it the same people throw attitudes. It's hypocritical. I can't be the goody-goody pushover 24/7, nor do I want to be.
I notice in every situation I'm in I find it hard to make friends and connect with people. People do not gravitate towards me and I struggle to reach out because I've been blown off so many times. It was so easy when I was a kid because I hadn't had a grasp of rejection. The older I've become the less willing I am to put myself out there to be hurt.
Are you very pretty? That may be why guys hit on you, but people you want to be friendly with shy away. If you're pretty and sexy you may make men uncomfortable in a non-sexual setting and make women feel threatened. On the other hand, you could just be paranoid. People don't hear you all the time, just tell yourself "Well they just didn't hear me" or "She must be having a bad day" and don't assume their behavior has anything to do with you. This may make you feel better.
Are you very pretty? That may be why guys hit on you, but people you want to be friendly with shy away. If you're pretty and sexy you may make men uncomfortable in a non-sexual setting and make women feel threatened.
Yes. And I care too much about my appearance (make sure my hair looks decent, I'm wearing a nice outfit, and that I carry myself well), but bums on the street (scrubs and other losers) try to hit on me (street harassment). It's aggravating. I like looking nice because it makes me feel good, not because I want the losers on the street ogling me. And I don't dress "sexy" or "hoochie." I'm covered from head to toe. I'm told I don't get approached because I come off as intimidating. If I'm so "intimidating," then how come the losers have the confidence to approach me?! Shaking my head.
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On the other hand, you could just be paranoid. People don't hear you all the time, just tell yourself "Well they just didn't hear me" or "She must be having a bad day" and don't assume their behavior has anything to do with you. This may make you feel better.
It's not paranoia. 99% of the time I say something I either get ignored or asked to repeat myself. I guess I'm only audible to myself then (shrugs).
So the "Losers" go after you. As you said "bums on the street (scrubs and other losers) try to hit on me (street harassment)." But the people you want to be friends with don't want to be friends with you. That actually says a lot.
Several years ago, and it wasn't an overnight epiphany either, I realized a lot of people in my life, were negative, depressing, unstable or otherwise problematic. I started cutting them out one by one. If they didn't add anything to my life, they were gradually eased out. It made my life a lot better. So I'd recommend any situations or people you feel don't add to your life then move on.
Also I think we all need to look in the mirror at ourselves. My "problem" is that I am hard to read in some situations. People can't tell if I'm pissed off or happy. For my work, which would fall under the dangerous category I need to be cool and collected and I am. You can't rattle my cage. But it confuses others who don't know me well. So I need to take that into account when I present myself to others.
Reading through what you said about not being noticed enough, you might come across as too up yourself and that turns people off. Or perhaps too prim and proper or attractive which might put people off. A little bit overdone maybe. You are probably noticed a lot more than you think but for those reasons people act the opposite.
Another lesson I had to learn is that often we value our self worth based on the status of our relationships. For example, if one was having issues with friends and our dating life is poor our self worth is low. I learned I had to be a bit selfish in some ways and be concerned about my well being and health before I can care for others or help them or whatever. I can't allow a bad girlfriend or a ruptured friendship, etc. drive my emotions and thoughts and self worth. You have to have boundaries with people and defend those boundaries. You wont be respected otherwise.
I actually did some research into body language and it has helped me. Sometimes we may mean well or be decent people but we give off signals which turn people off us. I learned to make sure my body language appeared that I was open to other people and not shy, withdrawn, arrogant, whatever. So I recommend you take a good hard look at yourself and your body language, do some study on it and also examine the situations you put yourself in and why and perhaps you'll find a better way.
Could it be that your frustration is showing on your face and in your body language? Most people don't have a natural poker face, they aren't natural actors and their emotions can easily be read. Perhaps you first need to think about all the positives in your life and what you could bring as a friend to these people. Then, make sure that you always have a genuine smile on your face. If you are scowling or look even slightly distressed, then people are going to avoid you.
How old are you? And you say that you are attractive. Young people are hard on each other and a bit competitve for the same goals like flirting with the same guy. In group settings, try to hang out with the older people. Instead of offering help, act less confident and ask for help instead, even if you have to make that up. Maybe you are coming around as too self confident and snotty.
And friendships can't be demanded. Do you have any friends at all?
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