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It's not about the fact that you mismanage money....but the fact that you LIED about it. He will not be able to trust you for a long time.
I think counseling would be a wonderful idea so that you can work through your issues. There is hope for the future, it just might not be with your 4th husband. If he sees you going to counseling and changing your attitudes, he may come around eventually. I don't think he is going to come around if you are messing around with husband #2 though. You may have to cut that relationship off if you want your 4th marriage to work again. It sounds like you are using #2 anyway....which is WRONG in so many ways.
does the guy you are currently using for sex and honey-do's know that your using him? Or does he really think you guys have a future together?
I ask because to me this is potentially telling: If you are using this guy and leading him on, i see some ongoing big red flags with you regarding honesty, maturity, communication (it would be different if you both know that you are using each other for some temporary companionship and neither side is expecting anything long term). It sounds to me that both you and your most recent ex-husband may be hot-headed, short tempered? I find your story very credible but you strike me as overly moved by feeling and emotions and that may cloud your better judgment (i.e. Four marriages???)
This may seem rude, but I didn't bother to read your post. Your thread title says your divorce is final and asks what's next. What's next is to move on with your lives.
The thing that stuck out for me in your post is that you appear to not do well alone and always need a man in your life. I believe working on yourself is definitely a good idea regardless of what happens next. I also think once you get in that place where you're comfortable with yourself, you'll have a whole different perspective. Do not rush anything.
My late wife was also a shopoholic. She couldn't help herself if she had a credit card. Off she'd go to the grocery store, then come back a couple hours later with a couple grand worth of clothing. When I'd get the credit card bill I'd tell her she had to be more careful with the spending, as we simply couldn't afford to pay the bills. She'd cry and insist on giving me back the credit card. All would be okay for a few months, then she'd ask for the credit card for some purchase, keep it, and we'd start all over again.
She had a serious problem, probably stemming from her youth when her family had very little money and never knew if there would be food in the house for the next meal. I didn't hold it against her, and I think she was getting a grip on the problem. It was a form of mental illness -- spending $3,000 or more in clothing every month she had the card. So I kind of understand where you're coming from. I think counseling would be a very good idea, not just for your relationship problems, but also your spending problems.
I'm sure you're a good person and probably a great wife and mother in most respects. I do think you should swear off men for awhile, as difficult as it might be. I say this because I know how I was after my late wife died. It takes awhile to know who you really are, but I think you probably need to concentrate on yourself and your family first, with the counseling. THEN, if you still think you might want to get back with your most recent ex, talk to him about it and maybe go to counseling together. If he's not interested in that, it's never going to work for you.
I wish you the best in getting yourself together again. *hugs*
Thank you so much for your post. I am going to work on myself and get some of my childhood issues worked out. If me and the last ex do reunite I will be more well and better off for myself and the kids, and he will have to learn to trust me again. My lying was wrong whether it was about money spending or whatever. It feels really good to not have to or feel like I have to hide anything, and I won't live like that again.
Thanks,
He cares about me and will do anything I ask him to do and he knows everything. I haven't kept anything from him and even if me and the kids dad did get it all back together, I don't want to live with this guy.
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what he/she said
