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No, I think she may not have really hosted an event as important as this one and she wants it to be perfect. Better to ask the question than "wing it" and things go wrong.
Asking about proper etiquette for her is one thing, being concerned about everyone else's etiquette is quite another. The point is to celebrate her future husband's accomplishments with close friends and family. I guess I couldn't care less if anyone brought a gift in exchange for the provided meal. I would pay for the meal for those I invited because I wanted to.
I get it. I would also bring a gift. I would not however be concerned whether anyone else did. I would also bring a gift if it was in a "cheap" place like TGIF. God forbid you spend money on a fancy place and someone doesn't bring your future husband a present. The horror
If you are so concerned about someone "freeloading", don't invite them for Pete's sake.
Good point, thx! I may just consider that...
I remember him telling me about his post-graduation reception for his Bachelor's degree several years ago (the reception that I am putting together is for his Master's) -- I wasn't with him at that time (didn't meet him until after he graduated from his BAchelor's degree), and he said that his Dad was the one that hosted the reception at Bertrand at Mister A's: The place to B, which meant none of the guests had to pay -- his Dad paid for the meals there. He said that only a few got him a graduation gift.
OK, I have a quote from Amy Vanderbilt and it is in reference to wedding gift registries...but it still applies...
"No girl should allow the store at which she is registered to send out notices to her friends and wedding guest list that she is registered there. That is the rank commercialism and the height of bad taste. Tf the girl has registered, she must trust family and friends to spread the word."
I know I have seen your particular issue addressed and I will scour my books to find it and call my "protocol" friend...
Wait, nowadays, stores send out notices to the people on the guest list? LOL!
I remember him telling me about his post-graduation reception for his Bachelor's degree several years ago (the reception that I am putting together is for his Master's) -- I wasn't with him at that time (didn't meet him until after he graduated from his BAchelor's degree), and he said that his Dad was the one that hosted the reception at Bertrand at Mister A's: The place to B, which meant none of the guests had to pay -- his Dad paid for the meals there. He said that only a few got him a graduation gift.
Wow!
That looks like a nice place! What is his Master's in by the way?
I think that it is rude to expect people to bring a gift. Many people, especially in this day and age, do not have a budget that allows for it. To have this expectation implies that their presence is NOT ENOUGH and that you really and truly do not want them to share in your happiness, unless they bring a gift along.
Personally, I think it is in very poor taste.
And frankly, I'm sorry to say, that in this day and age, getting a Masters Degree is not that big a deal. Sorry. Maybe where you come from it is, but where I come from, people with MS and MBAs are flipping burgers at McDonalds.
My thoughts are that an informal dinner where everyone would feel more relaxed and comfortable would be much nicer than requiring everyone to wear uncomfortable clothing and probably eat food that they are not that crazy about and pretend to be terribly "proper". Don't they have BBQs where you come from? LOL
So.. let's say if there is a couple that show up with no gift and end up munching away like nothing's wrong, should I just turn the other way around and not show any disgust?
Here's my take on this situation. YOU are throwing the party for your man. You are paying for the whole party and then expecting the guests to all give presents to him. And that is both tacky and wrong to have this attitude that a non-gift bearing guest is a freeloader and worthy of your disgust. What is really wrong is your expectations of them all giving your guy graduation gifts. Next, you will be making some thread criticizing the gifts that he does get.
The party should only be about everyone celebrating his graduation and having a great time. It's just a party, not a gift gathering event. Otherwise, instead of throwing this party for your guy, instead just spend the money on a big graduation present from you to him.
Your guy is an adult not a child ,and you are not his mom throwing him a birthday party. Who cares about whether or not he gets a $10 minimum graduation present from each guest? And aren't you both getting married next year? Won't getting wedding presents from these same people be enough for you? Why the obsession over gift giving?
As a host or hostess of any party except a birthday or a wedding, one should never expect gifts from your guests. And any gifts should be a pleasant bonus to the event, but definitely not counted on.
Honestly, with your ungenerous and petty attitude, it's best you not throw your guy a graduation party. Yes, it's a special moment in HIS life and YOURS, but it's really not that important to anyone else. Thousands of people graduate every year from their respective schools, so how unique an event can this be? It's not history making in the least. Otherwise, it's a relief to whoever was paying the tuition or if student loans are involved, then the dreaded monthly repayments are about to begin.
And if I got invited to a graduation party and even suspected that the host or hostess were expecting me to bring a gift, I would pass on going. Of course, I would most likely bring something, but I would be peeved if I felt that the host or hostess was going to be making mental lists of what their guests were giving. That's really really tacky imo.
I think another aspect to consider is of these 20-30 guests, what is their relationship to your husband? I feel that his parents might give him a present like a watch or a nice pen, the same goes for an aunt or uncle. Grandparents would give a larger gift. But I could see siblings and cousins not giving a concrete present, but would offer to buy him a congratulatory drink. And if the guest were a fellow student, they would also just buy him a drink.
This sort of reminds me of Chinese New Year where the older generations give the younger family members gifts of red envelopes stuffed with cash. But the younger family members don't, and don't feel obligated to giving their family elders any gifts back on this day. And in my non traditional Chinese family, my sisters and I never got any red envelopes on New Years. lol
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