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I have a guy friend who takes the gesture of a woman offering to pay (within first three dates) as disinterest and he doesn't ask her out again.
Wow, what a GREAT thread. Thank you for verbalizing something I have probably internalized over the years, having that happen to me about 3 times.
I would say it's all in the delivery. There is the 'I like you and appreciate spending time with you just as you do with me' conveyance and there is the (icy) "let me pay, it's no big deal."
For the first situation, and I'm a good bloodhound, I make it a point to pay. For the second situation, my mind is saying 'it's ok, babe, open your purse...please open your purse,' they wound up paying (half, or the entire amount in one case) and I correctly knew I'd never see them again anyway. I listened in Econ 101 and Pysch 101.
Last edited by robertpolyglot; 12-26-2008 at 09:23 PM..
I don't see why not. Women want equal rights, so there you have it.
Most women who want equal rights beyond equal pay for equal work are lesbains.
If I'm not interested, I'll let the guy know as soon as I know so neither one of us wastes our time. As far as paying, it really depends on the circumstances.
It's stuff like this that I've just lost interest in dating. It's all this ninny fine print stuff about who paid for what and all these other silly rules and etiquette.
I just want to go out for a nice evening and don't want to deal with this stuff. I always found the Australian way was better. The bill was always split and that way no one had any expectations of the other or who owed who or whatever. There was no grand standing, no drama, just split the bill and be done with it. You had a "equal" part in the dinner, why not equal pay for the bill? You ladies want equal everything else.
I do think if a woman decides she doesn't want to go out again then it is fair to split the bill. I think to do otherwise is abhorrent and unfair. If I put my self in a reverse situation, I would feel like a user if I didn't pay my share. It's a stupid idea a man has to PAY for the opportunity to get to know you.
So what you shaved your legs and powdered your nose? You don't think I put any effort in to make myself look good?
This whole American idea that the woman sits on a pedestal and I'm supposed to do a song and dance around her, put my neck on the line to ask her out, always pay, be the dining and entertainment director so I can be dismissed with a flick of the wrist, well that is B.S. I aint doin all the work anymore and if that means I'm dead meat so be it. Stick a fork in me, I'm done.
Lord Jesus, you brought me out of "retirement". This has to be one of the best posts I have read on the CD Relationship forum.
Great post.
BRAVO!!!!
[quote=wanneroo;6717752]It's stuff like this that I've just lost interest in dating. It's all this ninny fine print stuff about who paid for what and all these other silly rules and etiquette.
I just want to go out for a nice evening and don't want to deal with this stuff. I always found the Australian way was better. The bill was always split and that way no one had any expectations of the other or who owed who or whatever. There was no grand standing, no drama, just split the bill and be done with it. You had a "equal" part in the dinner, why not equal pay for the bill? You ladies want equal everything else.
I do think if a woman decides she doesn't want to go out again then it is fair to split the bill. I think to do otherwise is abhorrent and unfair. If I put my self in a reverse situation, I would feel like a user if I didn't pay my share. It's a stupid idea a man has to PAY for the opportunity to get to know you.
So what you shaved your legs and powdered your nose? You don't think I put any effort in to make myself look good?
This whole American idea that the woman sits on a pedestal and I'm supposed to do a song and dance around her, put my neck on the line to ask her out, always pay, be the dining and entertainment director so I can be dismissed with a flick of the wrist, well that is B.S. I aint doin all the work anymore and if that means I'm dead meat so be it. Stick a fork in me, I'm done.[/QUOTE]
It's stuff like this that I've just lost interest in dating. It's all this ninny fine print stuff about who paid for what and all these other silly rules and etiquette.
I just want to go out for a nice evening and don't want to deal with this stuff. I always found the Australian way was better. The bill was always split and that way no one had any expectations of the other or who owed who or whatever. There was no grand standing, no drama, just split the bill and be done with it. You had a "equal" part in the dinner, why not equal pay for the bill? You ladies want equal everything else.
I do think if a woman decides she doesn't want to go out again then it is fair to split the bill. I think to do otherwise is abhorrent and unfair. If I put my self in a reverse situation, I would feel like a user if I didn't pay my share. It's a stupid idea a man has to PAY for the opportunity to get to know you.
So what you shaved your legs and powdered your nose? You don't think I put any effort in to make myself look good?
This whole American idea that the woman sits on a pedestal and I'm supposed to do a song and dance around her, put my neck on the line to ask her out, always pay, be the dining and entertainment director so I can be dismissed with a flick of the wrist, well that is B.S. I aint doin all the work anymore and if that means I'm dead meat so be it. Stick a fork in me, I'm done.
You know....I've never met anyone with this perspective. I can assure you that if you did a "song and dance" around me, I'd gladly pay to get rid of you. Paying for an evening out, for your date, is hardly the spectacle you make it out to be, for most of us. You, and a couple of others here seem to be looking for something else from a date, than many of us gals are. To me, treating someone to a dinner/movie, or whatever, is a FAR cry from placing them on a pedestal. If you consider THAT top-notch treatment, then I wish you luck. I really do.
Point taken, but the assumption here is that you were interested enough to go out with him, but things said/done on the date made you lose interest.
I'm still scratching my head at my friend's viewpoint. Most guys (on and off this board) think positively of a woman offering to pay; however, my friend views it as a sign that she's not interested. And yet, he is of the opinion that most women are...shall we say...money-grubbing?
So...if, on the date, he does something that makes me decide I no longer wish to date him...and now I should pay? No...that thought would never occur to me. One has nothing to do with the other.
It's stuff like this that I've just lost interest in dating. It's all this ninny fine print stuff about who paid for what and all these other silly rules and etiquette.
I just want to go out for a nice evening and don't want to deal with this stuff. I always found the Australian way was better. The bill was always split and that way no one had any expectations of the other or who owed who or whatever. There was no grand standing, no drama, just split the bill and be done with it. You had a "equal" part in the dinner, why not equal pay for the bill? You ladies want equal everything else.
I do think if a woman decides she doesn't want to go out again then it is fair to split the bill. I think to do otherwise is abhorrent and unfair. If I put my self in a reverse situation, I would feel like a user if I didn't pay my share. It's a stupid idea a man has to PAY for the opportunity to get to know you.
So what you shaved your legs and powdered your nose? You don't think I put any effort in to make myself look good?
This whole American idea that the woman sits on a pedestal and I'm supposed to do a song and dance around her, put my neck on the line to ask her out, always pay, be the dining and entertainment director so I can be dismissed with a flick of the wrist, well that is B.S. I aint doin all the work anymore and if that means I'm dead meat so be it. Stick a fork in me, I'm done.
This whole American idea that the woman sits on a pedestal and I'm supposed to do a song and dance around her, put my neck on the line to ask her out, always pay, be the dining and entertainment director so I can be dismissed with a flick of the wrist, well that is B.S. I aint doin all the work anymore and if that means I'm dead meat so be it. Stick a fork in me, I'm done.
Spot on! It is expectations like this that the divorce rate is so high in the US. I think 90% of the women in Southern California are spoiled princesses who feel entitled which is why the dating scene here sucks...it's all about money and materialism. I really don't recall it being like this in the rest of the country though.
Let's say a woman is on a first or second date with a guy, and she knows she doesn't want to see him again. Is she obligated to offer or insist on paying (her share at least)?
Like I said in another thread, I have a guy friend who takes the gesture of a woman offering to pay (within first three dates) as disinterest and he doesn't ask her out again. He goes so far to say that it's a woman's obligation to pay (or offer to pay) if she knows she's not interested in another date. Otherwise, she's taking advantage of the guy.
Why are the men today such cheap bastards that they keep asking these same "who should pay" questions?
What ever happened to being a gentleman? Whatever happened to courtship and vying for a woman's affections? And if things don't work out after a few dates just move on.
These same guys who keep asking and asking about who should pay would never ask the following: if I am not interested in a seeing a woman again, should I not have sex with her?
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You know....I've never met anyone with this perspective. I can assure you that if you did a "song and dance" around me, I'd gladly pay to get rid of you. 
Paying for an evening out, for your date, is hardly the spectacle you make it out to be, for most of us. You, and a couple of others here seem to be looking for something else from a date, than many of us gals are. To me, treating someone to a dinner/movie, or whatever, is a FAR cry from placing them on a pedestal. If you consider THAT top-notch treatment, then I wish you luck. I really do.
