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I have been fortunate to not have had any bad experiences online, but there was one incident what was disturbing to me.
I was corresponding online with a potential match a while back. He seemed nice enough so I agreed to meet him at a public location. As we sat there eating lunch, he asked "How do you like living in (my subdivision)?". I thought that was odd as I'll tell someone what city I live in, but no more specific than that. But I figured I may have mentioned in in conversation somehow. Then he said "So you have 3 siblings, right?". At that point I knew something wasn't right. I asked him if there was anything else he wanted to ask me, with one eyebrow raised almost behind my head. He just sat there and grinned and told me what my astrological sign was. I then put my fork down and asked him how he knew those things. He did a background check on me a week before we met. I was FURIOUS.
Now, I've already heard the "people want to make sure who they are dealing with" speech. But a) this clearly was not an issue of safety for him; he was playing the "I know things about you" game which I didn't find funny at all - aside from the fact that I was not looking for a full blown commitment b) the purpose of meeting in a public place is to be safe as you should never give out your address to anyone you don't know and c) this was a first meet to see if we even had the chemistry to go beyond lunch. This man knew where I lived, how many siblings I had, my birthdate, my previous addresses and had access to any businesses or licenses I may have had. It turns out that I gave him my last name during a conversation and didn't even think about it being a potential problem. Either way, unless I am applying for a loan or a job, I am not comfortable with someone looking up my personal info. I can't stop it, but it'll be a cold day in hell before I date someone who would do that without cause or without my consent.
That said, I'd love to know how many of you would be okay with something like that, in THIS particular instance, based on THESE facts. I'm happy to clairfy further if it helps the process along. This also relates to another similar topic that I will be posting shortly.
I've never been in this type of situation, but... I have known info about people that they did not know I had. Not info I sought after, but more stumbled upon. However, I kept it to myself - if they weren't comfortable sharing that information with me, then it wasn't my place to flaunt my knowledge. End of discussion.
I might check out somebody's public records after meeting him provided I have interest in him, but before you've ever seen them... Besides, it was a public place and you're a woman, so how much danger can you be...
I automatically run a reverse 411 search whenever I see a new phone number. Chances are I'll check it out on the handy dandy map feature thats nearby. Hiring someone to do a background check though is about as sane a bag full of cats in the water. If you're really that suspicious, you shouldn't be dating.
How do I do a background check without coming across as a stalker? How will I know she's telling the truth when she says "yes" to the 25 year old virgin question?
How do I do a background check without coming across as a stalker? How will I know she's telling the truth when she says "yes" to the 25 year old virgin question?
Doing a background check sorta does come across as stalker. At the very least, it is over the line and rude. If you like someone, take the time get to know them and look for red flags along the way. Liars / conartists will trip at some point and give up their story. You have no business doing a complete life's history on them. Thats messed up.
What does it matter if she lies about the virgin question or not?? WTH are you even asking????????
Why don't you just let her come to you with that info on her own time instead of acting like a horn-dog by questioning it?
Apparently, it isn't that uncommon for people to do a background check. I can't imagine ever doing one on someone. I am not a person to quickly go out with someone I've met. So, perhaps that bit of caution allows me to have time to better know someone? Regardless, there are steps you can take and getting to know the person - good and bad is part of a relationship. I would also personally be hurt if I found out someone had done this to me. I am what I say I am and hope that I relay what that package is as we get to communicate. Background checks are disturbing to me on several levels.
I just want to know that she's pure and not carrying STDs.
Then don't go after sex until you've both been tested.
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