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Would like some input. I will try to be unbiased.
What would you say to the man or the woman in the following relationship: They both have been in serious relationships before- now they are in their early 40's. They both love one another! NO problem there! Here IS the problem: he complains she calls him names-nasty ones, he can't do anything without feeling interrogated, things he's done in the past (not at all bad mind you) she is "calling him out " on them "Why did you do that then, but can't do that now for me NOW"... type of thing.
She complains he doesn't do things for her- help with groceries, carry HIS laundry when she washes it, only time they go or do anything is when HE wants to (self- centered part). He puts little effort into the relationship- he admits it. The only time they go somewhere is usually when HE wants to. She is very generous, he-.... he is watchful of his money.
She has insecurities issue- by him not making her feel #1 or feel wanted, desired, the insecurites come out more- he does NOT pick on her tho' to MAKE her feel that way.
According to HER, she DOES make him feel loved by doing all the things- mentally, physically, financially, and emotionally- therefore he KNOWS she loves him!
According to HIM, just because he does NOT do all these things does NOT mean he does not love her.
Thus the arguing begins. Which came first scenario!
What do you think!?!? I hope I get enough views from both sides!
Honestly, when you get to your 40's, life is supposed to get easier, not more dramatic, they should either learn to compromise (which doesn't seem likely) or move on.
It sounds like they both need an attitude adjustment!
They need to clean the slate, and try to start over.
I would suggest that they both sit down together and have a heart to heart talk, about some of these issues. It sounds like although they love each other, they need to have a better understanding of each others feelings, wants, needs, and even desires.
Based on the info given, this seems like a situation where both sides have some baggage to deal with. My advice would be that HE needs take a closer look at what makes her "tick" and take the time to understand her.....then be willing to operate with her based on what he has learned about her....."putting effort into the relationship".........which would include paying attention to her insecurities, serving her, appreciating her, sacrificing for her, and loving her. If he does this, things "Should" improve.
Would like some input. I will try to be unbiased.
What would you say to the man or the woman in the following relationship: They both have been in serious relationships before- now they are in their early 40's. They both love one another! NO problem there! Here IS the problem: he complains she calls him names-nasty ones, he can't do anything without feeling interrogated, things he's done in the past (not at all bad mind you) she is "calling him out " on them "Why did you do that then, but can't do that now for me NOW"... type of thing.
She complains he doesn't do things for her- help with groceries, carry HIS laundry when she washes it, only time they go or do anything is when HE wants to (self- centered part). He puts little effort into the relationship- he admits it. The only time they go somewhere is usually when HE wants to. She is very generous, he-.... he is watchful of his money.
She has insecurities issue- by him not making her feel #1 or feel wanted, desired, the insecurites come out more- he does NOT pick on her tho' to MAKE her feel that way.
According to HER, she DOES make him feel loved by doing all the things- mentally, physically, financially, and emotionally- therefore he KNOWS she loves him!
According to HIM, just because he does NOT do all these things does NOT mean he does not love her.
Thus the arguing begins. Which came first scenario!
What do you think!?!? I hope I get enough views from both sides!
Sounds like they each speak a different love language. The other one isn't hearing what they're saying because it's not in their mother tongue.
My husband and I have this issue. His language is acts of service and gifts. Me doing things for him or picking things up for him is what makes him feel loved. Mine is touch. He cooks dinner for me, picks up my prescriptions when they're needed,, buys me flowers and jewelry and thinks he's told me he loves me when what I really want is a hug. I've learned to speak his language (took me a while to realilze that to him, me making sure he has clean socks isn't about me doing his laundry. It makes him feel cared for.) but he's made no effort to learn mine. Men. He has spent a fortune on flowers, jewelry and other gifts when all I want is for him to surprise me with a hug from behind. (don't ask me why but being snuck up on and given a hug is the biggest turn on but he never does it, sigh. He can't seem to remember that that is my love language)
I'd suggest they find a translator before it's too late. I found mine when we nearly divorced two years ago. It just hit me one day that all the diamonds in my jewelry box meant something to him. I kept wondering why he kept bying them when he knew I didn't wear them. I wear them now and try to remind myself that they are part of his love language even though I really couldn't care less about them except that he gave them to me.
Sounds like they each speak a different love language. The other one isn't hearing what they're saying because it's not in their mother tongue.
My husband and I have this issue. His language is acts of service and gifts. Me doing things for him or picking things up for him is what makes him feel loved. Mine is touch. He cooks dinner for me, picks up my prescriptions when they're needed,, buys me flowers and jewelry and thinks he's told me he loves me when what I really want is a hug. I've learned to speak his language (took me a while to realilze that to him, me making sure he has clean socks isn't about me doing his laundry. It makes him feel cared for.) but he's made no effort to learn mine. Men.
Yeah, you learned to speak his language and vice/versa....very important and something that more couples should be willing to do for each other.
Sounds like the classic case of opposites attract and repel. A visit to a marriage counselor will do wonders for them, I"m sure. If they don't resolve some of the more pressing conflicts, it could snowball so I suggest they go pay a qualified one a visit before it turns to that. Also being that they are older, they are set in their ways and they need an objective, unbiased point of view to help them sort out each other's perspective, i.e., the aforementioned in the previous statement.
Sorry you're experiencing this Whyrureadingthis...........
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He has spent a fortune on flowers, jewelry and other gifts when all I want is for him to surprise me with a hug from behind. (don't ask me why but being snuck up on and given a hug is the biggest turn on but he never does it, sigh. He can't seem to remember that that is my love language)
