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Suppose you were 30 years old - young and virile with a great sex drive and sex life. Then one day your much loved wife is hit by a drunk driver and thrown into a vegatative coma. Eventually you move her to a nursing home because doctors tell you there is nothing else they can do. She remains in that coma for ten years, not ever talking or giving any indication that she knows you are even there. After years of dealing with this and all the grief and lonliness you would have to endure, can you not imagine being STARVED for some human contact? Maybe not even sex, but just a woman's touch or attention??
You don't want to divorce your wife because she needs you and your benefits perhaps.
Would you REALLY condemn a man in this position if in desparation he found some brief comfort in the arms of someone else??
Now, I'm not saying that's what I would do - but I sure as hell would never have the audacity to think I have the right to judge someone in this situation.
This is an extreme example - but there are others not quite as extreme that I would STILL not judge people for - they'll answer to God one day for it, just like we all will.
I bet you contemplated cheating, long before you actually did the deed. When you began drifting away from YOUR reality, which was wife, kids, mortgage, work and began living this dream (cheating, fun, sex, more sex), It was only a matter of time before you were out of there. I bet you can pinpoint the deterioration of your marriage around that time, when you stopped really caring if she got hurt if she were to find out
Now imagine if you channeled that energy into fixing your marriage, before you cheated. I don't want to come off as judgemental, because we have all thought about dipping out on our spouses before, but comparing that fun towards what you lose (trust, financial, etc) its not worth it.
Whatever made it worth it to you, has been there for a while and may still be lingering
It takes BOTH to make a marriage work as well as to fix it. What if you try & try & beg & beg & still nothing... oh I know get a divorce - ??
I was married to a man who put alcohol & other women before me & our kids. I was a good wife - no, I was a GREAT wife! I did everything I could to make our marriage work. He was selfish & only cared about himself. I prayed over & over, I begged God to show me how to fix it. I couldnt leave. I had 2 babies, working minimum wage and was barely getting by as it was. I didnt cheat on him - but let me tell you, if a man had come along that showed me some attention & love, I'd have been all over it. Thats why I dont judge others who do it, because I dont know their situation.
Cheating is no worse than lying - its all a sin.... so throw stones if ya want - I'lll not do it.
Suppose you were 30 years old - young and virile with a great sex drive and sex life. Then one day your much loved wife is hit by a drunk driver and thrown into a vegatative coma. Eventually you move her to a nursing home because doctors tell you there is nothing else they can do. She remains in that coma for ten years, not ever talking or giving any indication that she knows you are even there. After years of dealing with this and all the grief and lonliness you would have to endure, can you not imagine being STARVED for some human contact? Maybe not even sex, but just a woman's touch or attention??
You don't want to divorce your wife because she needs you and your benefits perhaps.
Would you REALLY condemn a man in this position if in desparation he found some brief comfort in the arms of someone else??
Now, I'm not saying that's what I would do - but I sure as hell would never have the audacity to think I have the right to judge someone in this situation.
This is an extreme example - but there are others not quite as extreme that I would STILL not judge people for - they'll answer to God one day for it, just like we all will.
One of my co-workers, she is an older gal (late 50's) husband had a massive heart attack within a week after they got married which left him crippled. She is a very religious person, and has asked God to remove any sexual or lustful feeling from her, and she has remained celibate for now going on about 7 years (as far as I know). So it can be done, based on your level of self control and dedication to that person.
If that was me in the same situation, how would I react, ehhh I don't know. Would I cheat, yeah maybe, but that scenario is extreme, and is nothing like the lady who is bored with her mundane family life and goes out and screws the male stripper at the bachelorette party or gives it up to the co-worker who appears to pay her more attention than their husband.
Or the guy who is lacking adventure and hooks up with the neighbor hood bar fly after happy hour or game night, or trolls the supermarket looking for the aforementioned disgruntled soccer mom who wants some spice.
It takes BOTH to make a marriage work as well as to fix it. What if you try & try & beg & beg & still nothing... oh I know get a divorce - ??
I was married to a man who put alcohol & other women before me & our kids. I was a good wife - no, I was a GREAT wife! I did everything I could to make our marriage work. He was selfish & only cared about himself. I prayed over & over, I begged God to show me how to fix it. I couldnt leave. I had 2 babies, working minimum wage and was barely getting by as it was. I didnt cheat on him - but let me tell you, if a man had come along that showed me some attention & love, I'd have been all over it. Thats why I dont judge others who do it, because I dont know their situation.
Cheating is no worse than lying - its all a sin.... so throw stones if ya want - I'lll not do it.
I don't want to belittle your experience or what you have gone through within your own life, but would he also say you were a GREAT wife?
Or would he say your constant need to fix everything made him want to drink and cheat? Might he say that things didn't flow naturally between you two, that it felt like you would leave him at a drop of hat, if another stud came along offering a better life with no proof?
As far as sin and the religious aspect, I can't really comment as I am not an overly religious person.
Suppose you were 30 years old - young and virile with a great sex drive and sex life. Then one day your much loved wife is hit by a drunk driver and thrown into a vegatative coma. Eventually you move her to a nursing home because doctors tell you there is nothing else they can do. She remains in that coma for ten years, not ever talking or giving any indication that she knows you are even there. After years of dealing with this and all the grief and lonliness you would have to endure, can you not imagine being STARVED for some human contact? Maybe not even sex, but just a woman's touch or attention??
You don't want to divorce your wife because she needs you and your benefits perhaps.
Would you REALLY condemn a man in this position if in desparation he found some brief comfort in the arms of someone else??
Now, I'm not saying that's what I would do - but I sure as hell would never have the audacity to think I have the right to judge someone in this situation.
This is an extreme example - but there are others not quite as extreme that I would STILL not judge people for - they'll answer to God one day for it, just like we all will.
I don't want to belittle your experience or what you have gone through within your own life, but would he also say you were a GREAT wife?
Or would he say your constant need to fix everything made him want to drink and cheat? Might he say that things didn't flow naturally between you two, that it felt like you would leave him at a drop of hat, if another stud came along offering a better life with no proof?
As far as sin and the religious aspect, I can't really comment as I am not an overly religious person.
Honestly at the time I was young and I am sure there is more I could have done. But I wasnt a nag, I didnt smother him, I never told him no when it came to sex, the house was clean, he had a hot meal waiting on him IF he came home. I wasnt planning on leaving & I sure wasnt looking for someone else.... HINDSIGHT is that IF a man had come along & given me the attention, I'd have jumped on it. I didnt think about it then - All I ever wanted was to be a good wife & mother. He told me years later that he messed up. I'm not saying I had no faults, I'm just saying I did all I knew to do & it was never enough.
i am here on the coast. i agree people that cheat are victims of a rotten childhood and of an unfair system. it really isnt lying and cheating its all just a terrible misunderstanding as we go through our couragous quest to achieve healthy relationships.
anybody got an airbag?
Honestly at the time I was young and I am sure there is more I could have done. But I wasnt a nag, I didnt smother him, I never told him no when it came to sex, the house was clean, he had a hot meal waiting on him IF he came home. I wasnt planning on leaving & I sure wasnt looking for someone else.... HINDSIGHT is that IF a man had come along & given me the attention, I'd have jumped on it. I didnt think about it then - All I ever wanted was to be a good wife & mother. He told me years later that he messed up. I'm not saying I had no faults, I'm just saying I did all I knew to do & it was never enough.
Maybe he was just plain ole' greedy, or foolish, or young himself or all of the above. All I can say is, don't let that bad experience sour your furture relationships
Mona,
My issue with your list is that it puts the blame on the victim of the cheating, and puts no owness on the cheater themselves (it gives off an aura of "not my fault"/pity me).
I'm so sorry that you have an issue with my list. Since I specifically stated that it was my own personal opinion, not a list set in stone for all to follow. I did not put all the blame on the victim either.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cool rob
Mona,
In my opinion, a person (man or woman) who can cheat on a spouse, and the still knowlingly come home and play house, is a cold blooded sorry character. They deserve no excuses, or easy way outs
Well when your standing at the pearly gates, I guess you can decide who comes in and who doesn't.
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