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If you want the entire story read the"Want to hear from serial cheaters/womanizers" thread and the "girlfriend can't leave her hubby" thread.
I have been doing a ton of introspection in an attempt to fix issues in my life. In reading countless forums on relationships I have found a huge amount misinformation.
Not all cheaters are looking for an ego stroke.
Not all cheaters are womanizers.
Not all cheaters do it to hurt their SO's.
Not all cheaters are sex addicts.
Not all cheaters are cold heartless people.
Have a few to add?
Do you disagree?
Do you really think everyone who cheats fits into an easily definable category?
Do you think all the people doing the cheating are happy to be doing it?
I asked someone last night why they felt that "no one deserves to be cheated on". I respect the opinion that adultery is wrong. But I also know that no two situations are exactly alike. There are people who get off on cheating, who refuse to be faithful even though they expect their partner to be. And there are those who have a need that is not being fulfilled. I'm not saying it is always right, but I will say that it is not always wrong.
And when does a marriage end? When a court says it is over? That is really a question most should ask before they pass judgment.
I posted my thoughts about cheating in another thread: here. The only thing I would add is that it's a misconception that only men cheat. Women do too. And just as is the case with cheating men, not all cheating women do it because they are slutty, disloyal, nymphomaniac, etc. (Incidentally, quite often, people are willing to cut slack for one gender cheating, but not for the other.) It usually takes two to ruin a marriage, and the circumstances surrounding cheating aren't always clear-cut.
If you want the entire story read the"Want to hear from serial cheaters/womanizers" thread and the "girlfriend can't leave her hubby" thread.
I have been doing a ton of introspection in an attempt to fix issues in my life. In reading countless forums on relationships I have found a huge amount misinformation.
Not all cheaters are looking for an ego stroke.
Not all cheaters are womanizers.
Not all cheaters do it to hurt their SO's.
Not all cheaters are sex addicts.
Not all cheaters are cold heartless people.
Have a few to add?
Do you disagree? NO
Do you really think everyone who cheats fits into an easily definable category? NO
Do you think all the people doing the cheating are happy to be doing it? NO
I really started this "journey" of introspection to make sure this would not be repeated. I really was shocked how wrong the public perception is. I am at the stage of ending the affair, I have processed the guilt. Now I am working on communication.
I really started this "journey" of introspection to make sure this would not be repeated. I really was shocked how wrong the public perception is. I am at the stage of ending the affair, I have processed the guilt. Now I am working on communication.
Honesty is rare! Thanks for yours Mona and Red...
Now this is my own personal opinion here. I believe that there are four kinds of people in life.
1. The serial cheater. This man or woman will cheat no matter what, no matter how good they got it. Monogamy is just not for them. Nothing wrong with not being into monogamy, just remain single for the rest of the populations sake please.
2. The one hit wonder. This man or woman at one point in their life, maybe when they are feeling low, will get caught up in a moment and cheat. It's a one time thing, they deeply regret it and never do it again in their lifetime. These types of things should be swept under the carpet and put behind you.
3. The lonely cheater. This man or woman does not want to cheat, never in a million years thought they would cheat, they themselves despise cheaters, yet, they find themselves in an affair. Like you said, not out of vengeance, not to purposely hurt anyone, not for sex. I think they are desperately lonely. Maybe they have been neglected by their spouses, sex or intimacy has been withheld. This feeling usually progresses over years of being in a bad marriage where nobody attempts to fix the problems and communication has ended. It doesn't matter whose fault it is, but these affairs are probably the most common. I have seen it over the years with friends and acquaintances. It's a shame most people let their marriages get this bad. Loneliness can make the most noble person do weird things.
4. The last person just will not cheat no matter what.
Those who have been cheated on & hurt are usually the same ones who will beat down on cheaters on this board. I dont condone it - but I dont judge anyone for it either. I live my life one day at a time. I dont know who I might meet or what events may take place in my life. I dont plan on doing anything I shouldnt - but nothing I have ever done in the past was planned either...
I have made lots of mistakes, but I dont beat myself up for them - I try to learn from them & move on. Life is too short to be miserable & it is too short to worry about yesterday! Make the best of your life - it is the only one you have!
Now this is my own personal opinion here. I believe that there are four kinds of people in life.
1. The serial cheater. This man or woman will cheat no matter what, no matter how good they got it. Monogamy is just not for them. Nothing wrong with not being into monogamy, just remain single for the rest of the populations sake please.
2. The one hit wonder. This man or woman at one point in their life, maybe when they are feeling low, will get caught up in a moment and cheat. It's a one time thing, they deeply regret it and never do it again in their lifetime. These types of things should be swept under the carpet and put behind you.
3. The lonely cheater. This man or woman does not want to cheat, never in a million years thought they would cheat, they themselves despise cheaters, yet, they find themselves in an affair. Like you said, not out of vengeance, not to purposely hurt anyone, not for sex. I think they are desperately lonely. Maybe they have been neglected by their spouses, sex or intimacy has been withheld. This feeling usually progresses over years of being in a bad marriage where nobody attempts to fix the problems and communication has ended. It doesn't matter whose fault it is, but these affairs are probably the most common. I have seen it over the years with friends and acquaintances. It's a shame most people let their marriages get this bad. Loneliness can make the most noble person do weird things.
4. The last person just will not cheat no matter what.
Wow - the best post I have seen on the subject yet! Kudos!
Sucks to be in the lonely group. You never can imagine how it can be lonely in a house of 4........ till you have been there.
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